Away from the Sun
by ProfessorFerrars3256
Summary: Hermione Granger has created a task force,whilst her marriage falls apart and PTSD begins to take control over her life. AU Snape survives.T rating for uncomfortable scenes of torture and mild sexuality. HEA/ a little OOC Snape. EWE
1. The Road to Nowhere

**A/N: I do not own these characters and I am not profiting from this fanfic.**

 **This is a story of 18 chapters and an epilogue; it is finished, but I am editing some of the chapters before publishing. I appreciate all constructive criticism and reviews. Thank you for reading!**

 **Chapter 1: The Road to Nowhere**

Suddenly a glass shattered somewhere in the pub and broke Hermione's concentration on nothing; she was lost in thought, though she couldn't remember what she had been thinking about. Two tall men came out from behind the bar and cleaned up the glass with their wands, she noticed there was more than whiskey in the mix, the distinct shimmer and smell of blood hung in the air, instantly triggering her gag reflex. It was the last thing she needed, because now she would have to be "on", her job never ending. A momentary flash of the badge, magical law enforcement, made the men step back and allow her to see the victim and it dawned on her suddenly that she'd been so lost in thought that she never heard the bottle break, the glass shatter, and a man get stabbed in the neck. It was time for a vacation.

After apparating home, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, some days it was difficult to cross the threshold into her shared home with Ron, they affectionately called Lavender House due to all the natural lavender growing in every available acre of which they had five. With Rose and Hugo both at Hogwarts, she noticed quickly how often she failed to make it home before Ron went to sleep, they rarely spoke even to fight, it was as though they were ghosts haunting the same home, unaware of the other. And it didn't get much better when the kids were home. She awoke each morning seconds before the alarm, made some coffee and drank it before her shower, kissed Ron on the forehead and went to the Ministry of Magic.

Some days they saw each other at work, some days they didn't cross paths for more than the hours they slept in the same bed, and when they were both on assignment, they might not see each other for months. She wracked her brain searching for the moment things changed, but she always ended up empty-handed, perhaps it was like this before and she just hadn't noticed. They'd obviously loved each other enough to produce two beautiful children, but Hermione just could not feel that love anymore. Each moment spent with others only magnified the pain, especially when they had dinner with Ginny and Harry, or her parents-in-law, she felt the sad sting of forcing herself to smile and touch Ron's arm or hand, to claim him as hers even if she didn't really feel connected to him anymore. Harry and Ginny had never gone through the same rough patch or at least if they had, they never mentioned anything. It only cemented the fact that she and Ron were ill-suited when she saw him with work friends or even their old school chums; he was effortlessly funny and popular, still the brave Gryffindor from Hogwarts, even the years as an auror hadn't slowed him down. All his personal fears of acceptance vanished after the Battle of Hogwarts, but her own fears had somehow multiplied year after year.

Creating a to-do list for the next day, Hermione scribbled her initials over and over, thankful she had never taken his name...it would make things so much easier if she ever left. Immediately, she chided herself, she shouldn't even be thinking about divorce; Ron deserved a good wife, but she just wasn't sure if she could be that for him. Humming, she focused on her task, write to Rose and Hugo, buy Christmas presents for everyone and her white elephant gift for the annual Weasley Christmas party, buy new robes for Hugo who had grown four inches since summer, and sell the old Nimbus 2000 Ron had been teaching Hugo to fly on since childhood. She scratched the broom, she wasn't ready to sell it yet, too many memories with Hugo. She added one more task, check on Snape and the task force, and took a large gulp of tea before washing her face and settling in next to Ron. As she put out the light, he rolled towards her, his arms enveloping her in the first embrace of days and she tried to calm her tears as they rolled down, gentle sobs making her wish more than ever that Voldemort hadn't ruled so much of her young adult life, robbing her of the clarity she now possessed. Often, she dreamt of Bellatrix Lestrange and the torture she received at her hands, and even though she eventually realized it was a dream, she couldn't help but feel the same pain, the same anger as she finally awoke. The final battle, killing Nagini, and seeing the death of so many often kept her awake, unable to close her eyes without seeing their faces, hearing their screams, and wondering if she would ever be able to forget them. It was as though all the years later, she was finally feeling the full force of everything they'd been through.


	2. Policy of Truth

**A/N: I do not own these characters and I am not profiting from this fanfic.**

 **Chapter 2: Policy of Truth**

"Look who decided to grace us with her presence." Severus Snape's wicked tone immediately made her eyes roll. "You know you could've come sooner, we've been sitting ducks for two weeks." Severus Snape had not outgrown his snarl, though he certainly enjoyed reminding Hermione that he was not a professor nor her superior anymore with the same sneer she received almost daily as a student in his potions classroom. Every now and then, she wanted to thump him squarely in the cravat and teach him a lesson for once. Since he had come on board to serve in a task force, she wondered if he had rather died that night when Voldemort attempted to kill him to have power over the elder wand. After working together for so long, though, she'd become used to his acerbic wit and enjoyed sparring with him when she could.

"And you could've sent for me sooner, but you did not. I gave you the schedule when we first planned the mission, if you need me before the dates listed, send me an owl." Her reply was terse, her shoulders aching from the weight of her responsibility.

"You look like you might explode, trouble in paradise?" He teased, pointing at the dark circles under her eyes. But her face fell and he realized that his words wounded her as they normally wouldn't have. Each time she came to get her report and bring supplies, he teased her, but she'd never looked so glum in their all their years working together, or as professor and pupil, though he did recall one particularly bad hex on her teeth.

"You don't really care, do you? So let me save us both the time and talk about the job you're doing and not my personal life." Seamus and Todd backed away from the room before Snape slammed his fist down, rattling the two tea cups and map. Sometimes he became protective of his boss, her issues often similar to his own.

"How do you expect me to react when I have been telling you for years to see a healer? The dreams? The hallucinations? Have they stopped or are you still pretending you aren't seeing Sirius Black or Bellatrix Lestrange walking about? Answer me." He shook her lightly, forcing her to make eye contact, his voice hardly but a whisper, yet resounding through the room. "You can live your life like this, in ruins waiting for the next terrible thing to happen, or you can do something about it. I spent my entire life protecting secrets, hiding behind my own prejudice, but you cannot live like this, please see someone and stop acting like a martyr every time we beg need of your services." His hands lingered seconds more after he spoke making her arm tingle slightly, then fell away, almost causing Hermione to fall backwards. She tried not to cry, tears were weakness and she never wanted Severus Snape to see her weak.

"They are still there and Remus and Tonks have joined them. I don't want to dream about it anymore, but, "She paused, pulling her hair up into a bun, thinking about the antivenin she gave Snape the night he should've died and the delicate but necessary pressure she'd applied on wounds until Madame Pomfrey could fix him up. "And I'm the one who saved you, so I can be a martyr for another moment if I so please." A faint smile moved across her face and they both laughed.

"You're never going to forget that, are you?" She nodded and they went through their notes, both feeling lighter somehow. His task was to root out old death eaters still active enough to cause trouble in magical law enforcement and in rare markets of trade. Even this many years following the final battle, it wasn't odd to find rare dark magic in shops in Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, and of course Knockturn Alley, or even outside of Britain.

Hours later, Hermione and the guys went to a local pub for dinner and to catch up. It had been two months since their last check-in, but it always felt like only hours had past. The bartender served them whiskey and a platter of something that looked like chips and gravy, though none of them was quite sure. Hermione was glad, once inside,that she'd altered her robes because the scarlet definitely would've stood out in the dull browns she saw around her.

"Did you say Hugo is already at Hogwarts?" Seamus asked, gravy dripping from his chin.

"Oh yeah, he went in September, the nest is empty. They'll be home for Christmas hols next week, it seems like ages have past." Sipping her whiskey, she thought of Rose and Hugo, their red hair so like their Grandma Weasley's. She hoped Hugo had come out of his shell, so quiet and inquisitive, she worried he wouldn't have anyone like Ron or Harry to get his nose out of a book. Rose, on the other hand, was like Ron, outgoing and silly, she never worried if Rose had friends.

"My Cathleen is going next year, but I've no doubt she'll be a Gryffindor; she's too much like her mum. Briana, on the other hand, I see her in Ravenclaw. How me and Lavender produced such a smart kid, I'll never know." They chuckled, Hermione wondered how different their lives would be if Ron had ended up with Lavender instead. Sighing, she noticed Snape wasn't drinking and met his eye briefly, before trying one of the chips. Lost in thought, she didn't hear Todd ask about Ron's new position with the Aurors.

"Earth to Hermione!" Seamus splashed her with a bit of whiskey, finally getting her attention.

"I'm a hundred miles away tonight, sorry fellows." Folding her napkin, she went to the loo and splashed her face free of the whiskey. She had to snap out of it, it was one thing for Snape to know she was mental, but she didn't want other subordinates to see it so often. A light tapping roused her once more from her thoughts and she opened the door. It was Ronald Bilius Weasley, to her surprise.

"Ron! What are you doing here?"

"We were sent here for a raid tomorrow, thought I'd check in on my best girl and see how things are with Batty and friends." Ron wrapped her in a tight hug, twirling her a bit before making sure she landed on her feet.

"He's not a bat, you know." She replied, as he kissed her. In that moment, everything felt better, as it had once when they were young and optimistic. He continued to hug her waist as they moved back to the booth, squeezing in next to Seamus. "I found a straggler." She laughed, watching Ron devour her portion of the chips. Seamus and Ron immediately started in on quidditch, while Todd and Snape ran numbers for the morning. Hermione felt better, even if for a second, that she wasn't called upon to say anything, but before she could feel too comfortable, Ron swept her off her feet onto the tiny dance floor, his arm at her waist and his hand in hers, he whispered that he'd missed her in her ear. As they spun, swaying with the music, she caught Snape's gaze and wondered for a second if it was jealousy she saw in his obsidian orbs. Instead of losing herself in the thought, she closed her eyes and breathed in her husband, the smell of leather, musk, and eucalyptus from his desk plant. How could she fathom not being his wife?

That night, once at the hotel, Ron and Hermione made love for the first time in months and she forgot about her anger, sadness, and listlessness, even if momentarily. She swallowed a draught of dreamless sleep, a gift from Snape, and hoped it would all seem better in the morning, even if she'd lost the gift of optimism she'd once carried like a proud badge, she still hoped. But, without a doubt, imagining her future without Ron had become easier.


	3. Fields of Gold

**A/N: I do not own these characters and I am not profiting from this fanfic.**

 **Chapter 3: Fields of Gold**

Weeks later after finally seeing a healer for the visions and nightmares, Hermione took a short leave of absence from work to visit her parents in India. Free of their memory loss, the Grangers often went to India to visit shrines and work with relief efforts for impoverished poor in the countryside.

Christmas had been in shambles, seeing Remus Lupin walk around her living room while her children opened Christmas presents was the final straw. Without really explaining much to Ron, Hermione checked herself into St. Mungo's and spent a week under sleep study…unfortunately it did nothing for the visions or the eerie feeling of being followed. Finally, Hermione's mother convinced her to join them in India where ashrams were known to help people work through trauma, though she still doubted whether anything would help her heal after so many years.

After putting Seamus Finnegan in charge of the task force, because Snape had taken leave as well, and filing all reports, Hermione left the ministry for her short break to India. Bags packed, Hermione kissed Ron quickly and disapparated to meet her parents in New Delhi, from there they would take a long train to the ashram; for once in twenty-one years since the final battle, she at last felt she might feel normal again. Lost was the confident fighter, the book reader, the planner…it was all a façade now. Each day she went to work, fought a different kind of battle, putting forth her best foot and trying desperately to be the woman she lost during the final battle.

Sitting across from her parents, she wondered how different things would have been had she never developed magic, if she would've had a happy life as a muggle. Images swirled through her brain of a life in dentistry, living in a flat in a London suburb, probably single, no children…maybe someone more like Harry or Neville…She would never have had the love of the Weasleys or the passion of humanitarian work. She worried about "what if" thinking, vowing to stop once they actually crossed into the countryside, she would focus on healing. Healing. Forgetting about the choices she'd made since that fateful day in May and instead focusing on the blessings of those choices, her two beautiful children and her home, her job at which she was the first muggle-born to hold. Lost in thought, Hermione did not notice the man watching her from across the cart as she walked from their private cart to the food cart, taking in her mood, her longs lines and furrowed brows, but he enjoyed the watching more than he cared to admit. Finally, he caught her eye and for the first time in months, he saw her smile, then immediately her eyebrows raised in question, but he disapparated before she could question him.

"Hermione dear, who was that?" Jean Granger asked, as Hermione sat down next to her mother, accidentally bumping the table and spilling her father's tea.

"Snape, Professor Snape."

"Is he traveling to India?" Mr. Granger refiled the water in his tea and added another lump of sugar. "He could do with a bit of rest, I'm sure."

"He's supposed to be in Romania meeting with Charlie Weasley on leave." She brushed off the odd feeling that had washed over her and joined them for tea. What had he been doing on the train?

In her mind, Hermione saw a melting forest, the trees becoming lakes and the sky floating off into oblivion. She saw Hagrid's hut and the Whomping Willow, but they too melted, as though an invisible fire was raging around her but refusing to burn her skin. Suddenly, a unicorn appeared to her right, bringing with it the calming feeling now snow, a light breeze, and the air so clean she could not remember such a sweet smell. Without hesitation, she reached out to the unicorn and felt its' soft hair, becoming the unicorn in one fluid motion; she roamed around the grounds of Hogwarts and felt serenity envelope her. In an instant, she was transformed into an tawny owl, perched on one of the melting trees, each drop threatening to pull her into the torrent below, but she flew away just in time, her wings dipping into the black lake and flying further north to the Caithness of Scotland, away from Hogwarts and all the turmoil that had almost engulfed her. Before she landed again on a branch, she noticed a raven flying next to her, its' eyes obsidian but so clear. She felt comfort, like she'd felt from the unicorn but more so, like her mother's arms around her after a bad dream or her father's steady hand in hers when she went to Diagon Alley the first time or even Molly's sweet embrace on the day of her wedding.

"What did you see?" her guru called out, bringing her slowly from the foggy land of meditation.

"It's hard to describe…a melting world…my problems…my past." Tears flowing down her cheeks onto her soft, white linen dress.

"Yoga tonight and prayers. Think not of sadness, remember that this is one plane of existence…death is not the end, only the return to yourself." Hermione shook her head, why was she speaking of death? She felt completely consumed by her guilt for surviving, for getting to live on when so many had died. In thinking about her guru's words, she wondered what it felt like to die.

The next morning, Hermione splashed her face with water and walked to the temple to see her mother and father before prayers and to get the washing started. It was a mindless task and she loved every minute of it. Hours spent helping others without being responsible for saving other's lives or the endless paperwork, it felt like heaven on earth.

"You're looking happier." She heard from over her shoulder as the blankets boiled in the bins. Turning, she met Snape's gaze, his face as relaxed as hers felt. Her brows met in question once more, but before her question could leave her lips, he spoke.

"I'm not stalking you, I promise. This happens to be where my guru lives. When I saw you on the train, I didn't want to frighten you from coming; I honestly didn't know this is where you were headed." He took a paddle and helped stir the boiling blankets, the lye smelling so strong.

"I'm surprised you follow Eastern medicine, seems kind of optimistic."

"Potions master? I feel that automatically qualifies me for the mystical work." He smiled back, his lip still curling but not quite in a sneer.

"Well I am glad to finally know where you disappear when you should be hunting retired death eaters and neo-death eaters. Always elusive, Severus Snape." The stirring stopped, the boiling water disappeared and quickly the blankets were moved to a cooling drum. The guru's didn't mind magic if it meant efficiency.

"I wanted to speak with you before you take your vow of silence for the remainder of your experience. Also," he paused, she searched his face, he looked suddenly gaunt and disturbed," nevermind…"

"I hate that…I hate when you do that. Just tell me or don't act like you have something to say." She raged, her hand pushing his chest, annoyed. He had done that so frequently in their ten years working together. It had only been in the last few years that he'd started finishing sentences.

"I come here for peace, to remind myself the gift of a second life is one I need be thankful for every day, seeing you here, knowing that you gave me that gift, I am humbled." He paused again, this time facing the wall, and falling to his feet in prayer position.

"Severus, I didn't save you because I believed you needed to atone for every sin you've ever committed. I saved you because that's what we do." She kneeled next to him, her hand on his, touching for the first time in years; since a fateful night when they'd caught another known death eater who almost killed them both. They hugged that night, both desperate for affection and to believe that all people weren't as bad as those they hunted, but they'd never spoken of it again.

"In the ladder of my life, forgiveness is a rung I cannot climb." Those words stung her, perhaps that was what she feeling, she couldn't forgive herself for living when so many had died. She couldn't love like she used to, so freely. Every emotion guarded, every wall built brick-by-brick higher towards a rung she could not grasp.

"Did Dumbledore not ask you for his death? Did Lily Potter not choose her own path? You cannot blame yourself for their choices, Snape." Continuing to rest her hand upon his, Hermione squeezed slightly, his he shrugged her hand away. It was too intimate for him.

"You don't know all the answers, neither do I. I've committed horrors you cannot fathom, far before your birth and after. Even if he asked for it and even if I feel that I gave him piece, killing Dumbledore has ruined me."

"We've both committed horrors, Severus. You told me to deal with my problems, my dreams and visions…how else can I deal with them then by trying to find answers?" Her legs cramping, she stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I know you want me to think you are the same irritable and crude potions master from my youth, how often you lamented my raised hand, but we are colleagues now and I respect you. I wouldn't be here without you, I would never have gotten help." His hand reached hers, patting it slightly then lacing his fingers into hers. Something happened then, a feeling she couldn't quite describe. They stood/kneeled like this for many minutes, his breathing slowed as though he were in meditation and she felt comfort she could not describe. He was the unicorn, the raven, he soared with her on a melting plain, through clouds that bled into stars, over a golden field with lavender and lemongrass. The vision was so sudden and ended just as quickly. She jumped away as he stood, but he caught her before she fell in the boiling water, his face mere inches from her own, his obsidian eyes boring into her soul; had he also seen the vision? She wanted to drink him in, to free him of all his guilt, to make him feel loved. This man she'd worked with for over ten years, this hated man, she could think of nothing but the relief she knew in his hands. Her wedding ring trembled beneath his touch as he helped her stand again.

"Enjoy your silence, Ms. Granger, I'll be waiting for you on the other side." With that, he turned and went into the building, leaving her lost in thought. He had no idea what he'd awakened in her and just how true his words were because they met on the other side and experienced a life she could only dream about every day that followed.


	4. The Kill

**A/N: I do not own these characters and I am**

 **Chapter 4: The Kill**

"I just think, I mean, you aren't happy and um, maybe we should try a therapist again?" Ron's words brought her from her fantasy, reliving every imaginative moment while in India. It wasn't exactly a bad prospect, she did seem a shell of her former self and she wanted desperately to do anything to show she'd tried; she didn't fail at anything.

"I think we should. I'm sorry I didn't tell you more about things before I went to India, I don't know why it all suddenly started bothering me again." Unabashedly, Hermione refused to lie to Ron again, even a lie of omission. If therapy brought up her time in India, she would tell Ron what happened with Snape, her visions, everything.

"I love you, you know. We work a lot, too much, but I love you." He pulled her into an embrace reminiscent of their first year of marriage when just being in his arms meant safety and comfort, she didn't feel that way any longer. But in that moment, she soaked it all up like a tea biscuit and allowed the sugary goodness to envelop every part of her in sweetness. Even though she felt nostalgic, she could feel the tether between them lessening, being torn as though the knots of their children, their home, and their past weren't strong enough to hold any longer.

Being a good wife, a doting mother, and an exemplary employee of the Ministry, though, wore thin. Perhaps she had never been cut out for those roles, certainly not as the type of wife Ron had become accustomed to. Her daily work now revolved around fantasies in her brain of leaving Ron and moving to another country and being a writer…maybe even living in a commune with other writers who wanted to discuss great works and learn. But the reality of her life sat on her shoulder like a dark cloud and no stunning rays of sun seemed to break through. She resolved once more to be forward with Ron, to explain that she was unhappy, but before she could put action behind her words, Ron was sent to Bulgaria to track down stolen Ministry artifacts, her ambition died as quickly as it had risen. Their first therapy session was missed while Ron was in Bulgaria, but Hermione went without him and at least met their healer. They talked about how long she'd worked at the Ministry, how long they'd been married, and what her hopes were for therapy and before she could even think, she just said, "I want to love my husband as more than someone who survived disturbing times with me, who gave me two children, who was my best friend since eleven." No hint of emotion, nothing written,Healer Marcia just nodded and thanked her for coming. Once she left the office, Hermione felt a significant release in the pressure on her shoulders, even just saying the words freed her completely.

Hermione did not see Snape again, at least in corporeal form, for three months, but she thought about him daily, more than anyone else. They'd worked together for so long, she was his former student- there had never been any feeling for him aside from annoyance and anger, then sadness and relief. As logical as she normally was, Hermione couldn't decide whether the odd feelings she was having for her former professor and colleague were from her unhappiness with Ron or were motivated by a real passion for him, this dichotomy of a man. Deep in her heart, she knew that she'd harbored feelings for Snape, even if it had never been verbalized, for years. Admiration came first and then constancy.

That night, returning home to darkness as Ron was still in Bulgaria, Hermione cast a few protection enchantments and made some tea before snuggling up with reports from the field. Seamus' reports were always so dry, she made it through them in no time…but Snape's were always verbose, every detail from every scouting event, as though one missed detail would lead to the capture of all known former Death Eaters or neo-Death Eaters. At least in thoroughness, she knew Snape was doing his job even when she wasn't there, unlike Seamus and Todd who often drank too much or spent petty cash like it was a holiday. Empathy then took over; everyday was the same for that task force, waiting and watching for someone that might or might not be dead. Why was Snape still doing this, after all these years? Wasn't he tired of spying, of waiting for the next shoe to fall? At some point in her thoughts, an owl dropped a new series of coded messages, but she let them sit until the morning because her Friday night had already been hijacked by enough paperwork.

As the sun rose the next morning, several more letters had arrived during her slumber and one bright red howler. Anxiety enveloped her, worrying about all the things that could possibly be in turmoil. She read each letter, decoding Snape's particular brand of punishment with each line- his codex took months to memorize. Each letter said the same thing, with more and more erratic writing. She had failed him; Todd was dead. The howler screeched as soon as she opened it…why hadn't they alerted the Ministry? Why hadn't anyone known Todd was missing, little alone dead? As the howler burned, Snape's deep voice fading slowly from her ears, she felt the distinct thud of an apparition outside her door and knew immediately Snape and Seamus had arrived.

"You didn't think to send more than a letter, something so innocuous that I wouldn't suspect urgency? How long was he gone? What the hell happened, Severus?" She yelled, opening the door. Snape and Seamus snapped their heads toward her, their faces singed from fire and bruised. Before another word was exchanged, she remembered their code questions.

"Which spell was used against Draco Malfoy during 6th year?" Seamus whispered, sectumsempra. "What did Dumbledore see in the mirror of Erised?" She demanded of Snape, he showed her his socks, then walked through the door, collapsing on her couch as soon as he felt the freedom of no longer being on mission.

"Does anyone at the ministry know?" Her words played notes of despair, denying that Todd Vance was really gone. They both nodded their heads, no one had been alerted.

"We have protocol…why…" But she was cut off by both of their angered faces.

"This was not a dangerous mission, but obviously we must now assume that the situation is dire, Granger. It was Dolohov, he knew we'd discovered some artifacts he was attempting to sell in Romania, but we didn't think he was hostile." Snape cast a cleansing spell on Hermione's couch and then walked to the kitchen for tea, making himself quite at home.

"So, correct if I am wrong but, if this was not supposed to be a hostile mission, why is Todd Vance dead?"

"Obviously, it became hostile." Snape sneered, handing both of them a cup of tea.

"Todd went into Fleetwood and Jones to buy some the items Dolohov sold, but I guess Fleetwood was under the imperius curse, he alerted Dolohov who killed Todd before he could even take the steps to leave. We stunned him and Fleetwood; they're in the cave at the terminal, your husband and Potter are standing by." Swallowing the last of his tea, Seamus wiped his mouth with his sleeve and nodded to Snape, who looked as annoyed as she'd ever seen him. Somehow Todd's death was her fault, even though she hadn't been there nor would answering their letters have saved him. She admitted to herself that she should've read their letters immediately, her lapse in judgment was noted, but she refused to take the sole blame for the entire event.

"Did you even read the post? Or were your magazines more important?" She didn't even look at him as he said it, as though somehow he'd forgotten everything about her. Instead, she closed her eyes and thought about her time in India, her dreams of a different life, her complete freedom, and tried to remember that Snape was enduring another loss during his watch.

"Point blank, the protocol was not followed. I will go to Romania and bring them here. Alert the Vance family before noon and report to Shacklebolt. Then, I want you both to take a leave of absence, standard 3 weeks with pay. Report to me on Monday, the 30th." She only opened her eyes when she heard Seamus exhale, like he'd been worried she was sending them back to Romania. Snape did nothing, only met her eyes briefly and she felt the immediate attempted intrusion of his legilimency, but years of working with him had strengthened her own blocking skills. Instead, she sent him an image of a door slamming and watched as his attempt failed.

"I'm going- thanks Granger." She nodded to Seamus, her mind racing over all the paperwork, the bureaucratic mess this would make for their department, and what she should've done. As he disapparated, she locked eyes with Snape again, though only momentarily. Why were Ron and Harry even available? So many things continued to swirl in her brain, but she couldn't move from her chair or even see that Snape had fallen asleep. He seemed a completely different person when asleep; the lines on his face smoothed, no furrowed brow, no hint of a scowl. Sometimes when she thought back to their first years working together, no more than ten words spoken between them on any given day, trials upon trials to make sure Snape was being entirely truthful regarding his role, even with Harry's sworn testimony over and over, they questioned him. Finally, as deputy head of the Magical Misuse department, she told them he would be employed in the line of work he was used to and they stopped their investigations, though timidly. People rarely took their jobs seriously, thinking that all the bad has gone out of the wizarding world, but it simply wasn't the case. Evil endured and there was always someone to investigate or an item to destroy. It tooks years, but eventually his tough exterior broke down, letting her see a side he'd really only shown to Dumbledore and Lily Potter, but he still kept a facade and she wondered if he would ever feel comfortable in his role in life. It was one thing to continue a line of work one felt comfortable doing and another thing entirely to feel fulfillment and satisfaction. She covered him in a blanket, wondering how long it had been since he had a decent night's sleep, and noticed he'd cut his hair, she'd never seen him with short hair before. Going upstairs for a shower, she berated herself for allowing the fantasy of a different life erode her professionalism, allowing her own problems to overshadow the job she was sworn to do. Even if she felt her first happiness in years while in silence and seclusion in India, traipsing about the world in dreams with Snape, she knew that that life was not real and allowing herself to dwell on those dreams would only bring her sorrow.

Before getting in the shower, she sent Ron and Harry a quick note using the beautiful tawny owl Ron had given her for their anniversary, and then one to the Minister, Kingsley Shacklebolt, making sure he was aware of the loss of Todd Vance and the two stunned men in the Romanian terminal. She awaited a terse reply as she washed her hair, ready to get the day over with, having to see Ron while she was still angry he hadn't come to their first therapy appointment and Harry, who would see through any veneer she presented.

Finally ready, she left Snape a note to make himself at home and stay if he'd like, she'd be home as soon as everything was settled, leaving directions for heating the lasagna she'd made the day before, but he knew his way around the kitchen pretty well. She gave him one last once-over and wanted so suddenly to kiss him, to hug him, to feel the warmth and protection she'd felt in India, but she walked away before she made a fool of herself, remembering she was leaving directly to see her husband, turning the wedding band over and over, she walked out of the house, casting protection charms so he could have uninterrupted sleep. How suddenly had those latent feelings bubbled to the surface.


	5. The Uninvited

**Chapter 5: Uninvited**

"You see, we got a call from Peter Jones saying something happened in the shop, well really the call went to headquarters, but we were so close, so they told us to come over here. Lucky we were nearby, Dolohov has been selling dark objects all over Eastern Europe." Ron said, after giving her a quick peck. She ruffled Harry's hair and gave him a big hug.

"They were pretty shaken up, Snape and Finnegan, more so than I expected." Harry added as Hermione filled out the paperwork, making sure to note everything Dolohov has been trying to sell and all the damage to Fleetwood and Jones, it had definitely been a struggle. Snape, Finnegan, and Vance had been on the task force since it was first started, of course they were shaken, she was too.

"Transport these two to the ministry before Shacklebolt fires me. And Ron, Snape is at our house, I don't know if he'll still be there when this is all finished, but just heads up." Harry laughed, imagining Ron and Snape sharing biscuits and tea, commenting on Quidditch and being friends.

"Now I'm sharing a house with the most hated former professor of Hogwarts." Ron laughed, punching Harry softly on the arm. Hermione even laughed a bit, trying to cover any misgivings she had about them making light of their former professor's plight; Spinner's End was empty save for him. Her bleeding-heart was probably showing on her face.

Ron wrapped his arms around her and held her close before leaving with Harry. She wanted to feel comforted and it was nice that instinctually, Ron had picked up on that signal. In these moments, she loved Ron. Perhaps it was that Ron had outgrown his need to be accepted and his fear of being looked over, because now he had confidence she had only seen on the Quidditch Pitch and of course at the final battle, but he didn't need her courage or admiration. He was no longer a thing for her to fix, and her judgemental ways hadn't changed much. She was not selfish, infact her selflessness was her most redeeming quality, in her opinion, but somehow when it came to Ron, all she could think of was herself, Hugo, and Rose. What would happen to Rose and Hugo if she and Ron decided to divorce? And why couldn't she just tough it out, be happy with a marriage that was better than most?

That evening, when Hermione finally returned home, she found most of the lights in the house out and her enchantments still in place. She assumed Snape had left and found no evidence he'd even been there as the sofa was spotless and tea remains cleaned up. She dropped her bag and gave Harlow, the owl, a few treats before taking letters she'd left on the table and flying off once more to hunt. Two letters from Hogwarts and one from Molly, asking them to Sunday brunch. It was always welcoming and comfortable at the Burrow and she longed for Molly's sweet embrace, so loving and unconditional, unlike her own parents who rarely showed affection. Hugo and Rose wrote about studying for end of term and the final Quidditch matches, Hugo wrote about how much he'd loved his first year so far. She longed to have them near.

Out of the corner of her eye, she was sure she saw Remus Lupin pouring tea in the dining room, she shook her head with her eyes closed and hoped he was gone when she opened them again. Stress brought him back, she thought to herself...but when she opened her eyes, he was still there. As she walked towards him to get a better view of the man she had once admired so, tears welled up in her eyes. This hadn't happened since before India and she wasn't completely prepared to see him again, even if the image was completely false. Wiping her eyes, she saw him look up at her and she realized immediately, it wasn't Remus Lupin, it was Severus Snape. His shortened hair and regular clothing had fooled her. Seeing her crying, he didn't know quite what to do, so he stood and offered her the seat next to him on the bench setting at her dining table.

"I'm such a fool." She whispered, wiping her eyes. Before she could sit completely, he was up making her tea. How had her eyes deceived her so?

"I hope it's not my presence making you cry, Granger."

"No, not at all, I thought you were Remus, that the visions had returned. I'm so sorry, I'm sure you must think I am looney." He did not reply, he simply set the teacup down and sighed, as though he was commiserating with her.

"Did you report to Shacklebolt?" She asked him, cooling her tea.

"Yes and the Vance family was alerted."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before she needed to wipe her nose. Running up the stairs, the tears started again. Why did his gentle kindness catch her so off guard sometimes? Working together for so long, their habits had become so natural to each other, and even Seamus and Todd, they could all predict each other so easily. Changing into regular clothes, splashing her face, blowing her red nose several times before feeling presentable enough to head downstairs, she hoped she hadn't made a fool of herself.

"Your tea was getting cold.." He said, holding her cup in his hand.

"Thank you, did you eat anything?" He nodded no, so she asked if he wanted anything.

"My appetite is gone, unfortunately." Frowning, she heard her stomach gurgle and then settle, she had to have something. In the kitchen, she thawed some mushroom soup, she wanted something light.

"You'll feel worse if you don't eat." She replied, teasing him slightly, wondering if Ron was going to be home at all that night.

"I've survived on less, as you well know." The niceties were wearing thin; he was not in the mood for a chat apparently. So, Hermione finished warming the soup Molly had sent her home with at the last brunch and nabbed a hunk of bread before sitting cross-legged at the table. A raised eyebrow took her back immediately to her days at Hogwarts, his arched brow immediately reminded her of every marked parchment and, in his eyes, every sub-par potion.

"You don't terrify me any longer, so you can tuck that eyebrow away." She teased, smelling and tasting her soup with much excitement, trying to entice him to eat. "This is Molly's famous mushroom soup, in case you're wondering." He melted, visibly and stood, made a quick bowl and joined her again at the table. Sometimes she forgot that they were once strangers whose only cordial relationship revolved around academics, but now they were friends, and she rather liked his spiky witt.

"I knew that would coax you from the chair."

"If it's Molly's cooking…" He voice trailed off, implying her own cooking was lacking.

"You don't have to eat anything I make ever again, I promise." Surprisingly, his facial expression changed into something she didn't recognize from him and she wished wholeheartedly, that she could keep her mouth shut, for once in her life.

"I'm a bit off tonight, today was challenging...I…"

"Perhaps, there will be a time where there are no days like this, but in my experience, that may never happen." He had been tapping his spoon lightly on the edge of the bowl, pausing before lifting it to his mouth. Intrigued, Hermione thought about all the experiences Snape had endured, a less than loving mother, devotion to someone he could never have, a spying career and teacher to students he had to protect against all costs, a mentor that asked so much, so often, and suddenly, she wanted him to stay, she wanted to relieve him like Molly had always comforted her. But they hadn't lost in anyone on the task force in years and the loss was felt supremely by both.

"I've been thinking about applying for a different position. I failed you today, I don't want that to happen again; I can't be the reason that tragedies occur for you, over and over."

"Martyr." He teased facetiously.

"But seriously, I've been working with Law Enforcement for twelve years, maybe it's time to do something less dangerous?" Finishing her soup, she sent her bowl to the sink, eating the leftover bread slowly.

"And what would you do?" She shrugged and thought about teaching or perhaps something with St. Mungos.

"I have many qualifications," He rolled his eyes as she said this, "but I do find more fulfillment in this job than any other. I guess I'm waiting on Shacklebolt to give me the axe."

"Why? You followed protocol once you were alerted, if anything Finnegan and I will get called in, not you. Undoubtedly you are Shacklebolt's darling, he will not call you to task." Wiping his mouth, Snape crossed his arms and looked down at the soup he could barely finish, wishing he had left before she got home so he didn't have to deal with the loss in front of her.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like, I don't know if Ron will be back or if he and Harry are going back to Bulgaria, and Rose and Hugo won't be home for another six weeks. You should enjoy your three weeks off." He hadn't blinked as she spoke, making her feel insecure for a second, wondering if she was being too kind, too forward. But, he grinned as only he could.

"Yes, three weeks off, what shall I do?" Momentarily, she envisioned him on the beach in Marseille, reading a book, smoking a pipe and reading Dumas. "I will certainly not be doing that."

"You're lucky my defenses are down, Sir." That time, she hadn't even noticed the intrusion of his mind. "If you want to know what I think, I'll be happy to tell you."

"There is no need for that, Granger, your thoughts are keenly displaced on your face for everyone to see." Squinting at him in her most playfully angry face, she splashed him a bit with her tea.

"Then why do you try to invade my mind so often, if I am an open book for everyone to see?"

"It keeps you sharp for enemies and sometimes…" He paused, afraid of where his answer was going.

"Yes?" Poking him gently, he caught her hand and held it like he had in India. Sitting so closely and holding his hand, Hermione felt the distance between them disappear. What had made Snape so bold suddenly?

"Because sometimes, I like the image you have of me in your head, so much nicer than who I really am. You look favorably upon me but I don't deserve it." With that, he met her gaze, seeing her tears again made him sorry he was being forward and admitting something he should've kept to himself.

"Now who's being the martyr?" Her words made him feel better as they both laughed a bit, both refusing to let go of the other's hand. She liked the way his smile spread across his face, even his eyes were smiling, it was something she had never seen before, even late nights in caves or random muggle homes where Seamus was trying to make laugh to break the tension.

"I find that honesty is something I can give you, even if you don't always seek it." His words wounded her slightly, she should be thinking only of Ron, but in that moment, the images of she and Snape in love, traveling and seeing the world, writing books together, being happy, permeated her thoughts; it suddenly brought back all she'd seen in India. He was right, he had always given her honesty, even in her younger days, even when he was cruel; and if nothing else, he had a great propensity to be cruel.

"You give me so much more than honesty, Severus." Squeezing his hand, she wished he could see her thoughts just then. Immediately, though, she felt guilty. Her husband could walk through the door at any time and see what looked like more than just colleagues sitting at a table commiserating. Even with her thoughts of guilt, she wanted nothing more than to embrace Snape, like she had wanted to earlier. For a moment, she pondered if her unhappiness with Ron stemmed from her feelings for Snape, as new as they seemed it at least as much as she would admit, but she pushed that thought from her brain because she knew, without a doubt, that her unhappiness with Ron started long before Snape was in her task force.

"I give that which can be received." He replied, in a riddle, gently running his thumb across her hand, sending chills down her spine. She wanted nothing more than to melt in his arms, to finally feel that embrace, but she knew she couldn't and wasn't entirely sure he felt the same way, perhaps he was just being a friend. Momentarily, she felt stunned herself and mute, she had no idea how to respond to him except to hold his hand with both of hers, lacing her fingers between his and contemplating leaning closer to him, but she didn't. Instead they sat there, their hands entwined, for a few minutes more before she sighed and let go, giving him a final squeeze so she could drink the last of her tea. All the emotions she had felt since India, all the healing she had been able to experience through meditation and the teachings of her guru had given her power she had forgotten she possessed, but nothing prepared her for even the hint of a different life, life with the one person she never imagined for a second she would want. As she ruminated, he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer- she could smell her happiness on him, parchment and sage, a faint burnt smell from the spells, and her heart exploded. She knew he hadn't been in her mind, that he couldn't have known she needed so desperately to remain this close to him, to embrace him in such a way. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself closer, though she knew at any minute Ron could walk through the door or apparate in the living room. For a moment, she didn't were both mourning Todd, both knowing that losing him was raw and real on their minds. Even though they'd lost so many throughout the Second Wizarding War, losing Todd somehow felt like a personal attack.

"I'm sorry."He whispered, his chin resting on her head as she held him tightly.

"Why?" Inquisitively, she asked, closing her eyes and taking in the moment, relishing each gentle rub of her shoulder.

"I have put you in a precarious position."She laughed against him, loving his pun and realizing that it was true, they were now crossing a boundary. But Hermione knew exactly what she was doing and refused to give credence to his words, instead she pulled him closer and almost sitting on his lap, her knees grazing his, practically on top of his. Without a doubt, she knew emotionally what she was doing was wrong, if Ron saw them now it would be over, he would never forgive her. Did he even suspect she had feelings for someone else and what did that mean? Was she being unfaithful? What was wrong with two people so obviously grieving embracing each other? Lost in thought, she didn't notice herself slowly drifting off and when she finally woke, she was alone in her bed, the sun coming up through her blinds. Sadness surrounded her, wishing she hadn't fallen asleep and losing precious seconds. Snape would most likely never admit his feelings or re-create their evening again; she should've taken in every second, if only to feel so wanted again. She wondered momentarily if her feelings stemmed from losing Todd, another brave soul. But as she searched herself, she knew those latent feelings weren't new, they just hadn't been real before.

Wrapping herself in her robe, she walked somberly down the stairs finding Ron and Harry at the table, eating a full English breakfast and laughing about something she couldn't surmise at first. At least they were okay, even if she felt like the worst wife ever; she should've been more worried about her husband and less worried about her ridiculous affections for someone she could probably never have.

"Good morning, 'Mione." Ron cheered, taking a huge swig of tea before stealing the black pudding from Harry's plate.

"You look like you're having a great time. I'm glad you're home." She kissed his ginger hair and patted Harry on the shoulder...they were sitting in the exact seats she and Snape had been sitting, which didn't seem as close as the night before so suddenly.

"You just missed Snape, he waited until we got here. Nice bloke, sometimes, doesn't say much." Trying to remain emotionless, she filled the teapot and started the flame, looking at her calendar and wondering how long Ron would be home.

"He's something." She said, nibbling on a potato wedge and reminiscing of the night before. She carried her plate into the dining room and sat across from her guys, feeling for a second that it was old times.

"It's been too long since we've done this." Harry added.

"Speaking of which, we're invited to brunch tomorrow at the Burrow. Did Molly send you an owl?" Harry and Ron nodded, their mouths stuffed with kippers.

"Good, I think she's making roast and turnips, oh and a strawberry trifle." Her tea ready, she squeezed Ron again, he swooped her onto his lap, making her giggle. "Ron!" He smacked her squarely on the rump as he propelled her up. Harry blushed a bit.

"Well we're going for sure. I think Charlie is bringing the fiancee and I am dying to see what Mum thinks about her." Before sitting next to Ron and Harry at the table, they were chattering about something related to Bulgaria, she noticed a small note by the biscuit jar in Snape's codex simply: "Nothing ever becomes real, till it is experienced. Be brave, Gryffindor". Another riddle, another phrasing she would think about for weeks.

"Ron, does that mean you get to stay for a while?" He nodded, then replied.

"At least until Monday, we have some disappearing wands to investigate." She laughed, knowing that was code for other items often confiscated or investigate by aurors, then placed Snape's note in her ID badge, behind the Ministry seal, where no one would ever think to look. No one could crack his codex without the key, he was like a walking enigma.

"Good." Kissing him once more, she finished her tea and listened to them talk about quidditch. She wondered if Ginny ever thought about Harry as she thought about Ron. But they weren't so mismatched, though, so she probably never did. Monday was supposed to be there next therapy session, she hoped he would actually go since it was technically his idea.

Brunch at the Weasley's was always pleasant, though none of the children were around except Lily and Teddy, one too old to be in Hogwarts and one too young. Hermione loved the feeling of belonging to such a large family, but she felt the guilt of her actions as well. She speculated on whether Molly noticed her strained relationship with Ron.

They stayed longer than usual, probably because she worried about being alone with Ron at their home, afraid she might suddenly blurt out that she had feelings for Snape or that she didn't want to be married to him any longer, but none of that happened. They returned home and Ron went immediately to the den to watch quidditch while she worked on reports for the Ministry, their lives falling into that same old pattern she wanted to break. Two shadows living in the same home, rarely speaking unless absolutely necessary; it just wasn't for her.

The next morning, even though she had reminded him twice, Ron missed their second appointment but she spent the time talking about the recent events with the loss of Todd Vance, his funeral services were in three days. Healer Marcia was kind but knew her boundaries and professionalism. It felt good to unload on someone without a vested interest in the events and she finally shed some of her guilt. At the end, the healer asked her again what she wanted but Hermione couldn't answer the same way this time, she just wanted to be happy. When she arrived home, a letter from Ron awaited spewing apologies about getting distracted on a job and how he would make sure he was at the next one, but Hermione didn't schedule a next one, if he wanted to schedule, then he could. Another letter awaited, this one in the familiar code she had unraveled for years. He wanted to meet for coffee; her heart leapt but she immediately decided if they were to meet, she would remain professional, explain her reasons for doing so, nothing could happen until she could tell Ron that they would be parting. She would not hurt him in that way.


	6. Just Like Heaven

**Chapter 6: Just Like Heaven**

They met on Wednesday at a coffee shop in Yorkshire, far away from prying eyes. He was on leave, even if she wasn't, so it wouldn't appear odd for him to be in Yorkshire. She loved it there, old cobblestone streets and buildings from the 1600s still proudly featured on main streets. Her stomach had been in knots since she'd sent her reply, desperate to know exactly why he wanted to meet, though she hoped against hope that it meant he had feelings for her as well, even if it wasn't perfect timing.

"Hello, there." She said cheerily as they walked into the shop. He looked so different in his muggle clothes. They sat in a corner, the waitress taking their simple order before scurrying away. Quickly, the knot unraveled and she felt a sudden spotlight on her, when he finally met her eye, she felt suddenly quite sad.

"So…" She tried to break the silence, but the waitress came over as soon as she said the simple word. He sipped his coffee after stirring it approximately twenty times. The spotlight was growing ever brighter.

"I've decided to transfer." His words were flat, almost no emotion. She was shocked, hadn't she just said the same thing a couple nights before, but coming from him, those words wounded her. Professionalism was immediately gone.

"Why?" Her heart was racing, had she muddled things up so badly he no longer wanted to work around her? Rationality tried to take hold, but her emotions were boundless.

"Isn't it obvious?" His hand met hers, the same spark she'd felt before was so effortlessly there, his face pleading with hers to accept his decision. But for Hermione, sans her children returning home for the summer, she looked forward to her time with Snape, even if it was rare and sporadic. She hadn't known how much she wanted that time until he held her, until things were out in the open, sort of. Taking her hand back, she stirred her coffee, adding more cream than normal...perhaps she should've had water or tonic instead. Her mind race as did her heart, thumping so hard against her chest she could barely breath. This was not the conversation she was expecting, though she should've known it was coming. Snape was closed off, he didn't want the liability of someone in his life who could get hurt or he could lose, she surmised.

"Would you like another?" The waitress broke the silence as Hermione's glass emptied.

"Yes, please." He waited patiently as she collected her thoughts, the weight of this conversation was obvious on her face. He could literally see the wheels turning, her frown apparent throughout.

"Thank you." She told the waitress as she came back, filling her coffee to the brim. More sugar and two creams, it spilled slightly as she stirred, but she wasn't hyper aware.

"But…"she trailed off, still thinking, still processing that she might never see him again besides an occasional meeting of staff at the Ministry or reunions at Hogwarts. It broke her heart and as though on cue, her mind reminded her that that meant she'd never receive his codes, someone else would be his watcher, his handler, someone else would have to keep him alive. Before she could say anything else, she excused herself and went to the loo, spilling her coffee slightly as she did. It was too much. To admit to herself, after all this time, that she longed her something more with him, to have finally gotten help for her visions and nightmares, to have felt so happy for the first time since she was nineteen years old, and for it to be gone in seconds, that hopefulness, it was just too much.

"Granger?" She heard him call from the door, but she wasn't ready to talk yet. He could have no idea how far her fantasies had gone since India.

Like an epiphany, she decided it didn't matter if Snape and she were not going to work together anymore, she was still leaving Ron. Being alone was better than being with Ron and finally admitting that lifted a weight. It couldn't be about Severus, because he was not a constant, he was a joyous delusion.

"Granger, please." She opened the door, refusing to make a scene, she walked back to the table and sat. Resolved, she felt much better, though embarrassed; she hadn't been caught this off-guard in years.

"Where are you thinking of transferring?" She asked, drinking more of her coffee, rationality and professionalism returning finally.

"St. Mungos, working with a healer and training. My background as a potions master gives me an advantage and I don't have to worry about dying so often." Still little emotion in his voice, but a slight cheerfulness of his own sounded on the last words. That had been her exact thought three nights ago as well.

"That makes sense." Tersely, she replied, trying to keep her own feelings to herself, trying desperately to keep her face emotionless. But her large, maple eyes couldn't hide her feelings from Snape, who had stared into them so often that he could read her without really trying.

"That way, you can do your job without question." Her eyes snapped to his, as though she would ever compromise her job for emotions.

"I would never...If I had to, I could…I am a professional and I can always do my job without reproach. If I had to, I could..." But she couldn't finish those statements, trying hard to make herself believe them. Could she continue sending him on dangerous missions or even allow him to die during her watch? She took another huge gulp of coffee and picked at her straw stirrer, wondering how it was that he'd planned everything out in such a small amount of time; of course he had already followed her train of thought.

"I've been thinking about this for months, between the last few missions and current events, it appears that the transition would be easier in my case. Shacklebolt will still turn to me for certain people, I am sure, but I'm ready to hang up my boots, so to speak."

"But you haven't said anything, I had no idea."

"And I had no idea you returned my affections." He whispered, finally admitting aloud the real crux of the situation. Her mind instantly filled with leaving Ron the thought that had plagued her for years, having to tell everyone that she was infatuated with her former teacher.

"If you believe we can no longer work together, I support your decision…"

"But?" At this, she was stumped. She didn't know what she wanted to say.

"Have you told Shacklebolt anything?" Trying to change the direction of the conversation, she made a mental list of who would replace Snape on the task force, maybe Harry.

"No, I wanted to talk to you first, since this affects you more than he. Should I have let Kingsley tell you in a memo?" His nasty side reared it's ugly head, sensing the tone in her voice turning sour as well. It was obvious he was having none of her petulant behavior. She hadn't imagined when she left her home that she and Snape would be talking about never seeing each other again.

"You really think that?" He asked, jolting her from thought. His legilimency had caught her off guard.

"What?"

"That we will never see each other again?" He took both of her hands in his, his face softened, as though he were sleeping. It was rare to see him so calm.

"Yes, why would we? You'll be in training and I'll be in the field, we won't cross paths at the Ministry and you rarely go to the reunions at Hogwarts, when would we see each other? You'll have no reason to write and I'll have no reason to respond." Hermione answered, almost bitter. 'Alone is better than Ron...Alone is better than Ron', she repeated over and over in her mind, making sure he couldn't peak this time. This felt like defeat, both of her marriage and something that had the potential to be so much more.

"You'd really never write me again?" He asked, his thumbs going over her knuckles, making it hard for her to stay miffed with him

"What would I write you? I miss you telling me how silly I am or asking me how much Seamus blundered a job. Or even better, how bored I am having no one to constantly correct me, even when I am more often correct?" He could see she was upset, but still wasn't seeing the bigger picture. It hadn't dawned on her for a second that what he was doing meant they would be able to be with each other, to write or have coffee as much as they liked and their jobs would never be in danger for nepotism.

"Well, my life will be as dull as it was sans my death in 1998." He tried to joke, but she didn't even crack the smallest smile.

"It means there will be no reason for me to keep up with you and that doesn't seem like such a great ending for me." Hermione finally admonished, feeling annoyed and sad.

"Why would that be? Are you planning to be in the field 365 days a year, holidays and all? And why wouldn't you write me when you're in the field, will I be dead?"

"You know what I mean..."She pushed herself away; it was obvious he couldn't get through to her.

"I will not pursue you if you are against this, Hermione." Her name, he actually said her name.

"I am not against it...I just…"Catching her hands again before they could be folded, he kissed her left hand, meeting her eye as he did so, melting her heart.

"My transfering doesn't mean the end of anything, you know. It means we will be above reproach. I will write you everyday if it means you'll be convinced of my intentions." Then, it finally sunk in. He wasn't saying goodbye, he was falling on his sword so they could perhaps see where this was going.

"You don't want to say goodbye today?"

"For someone so intelligent, you can be awfully one dimensional sometimes, Hermione." He was literally holding her hands, in a coffee shop when he knew she preferred coffee to tea, and giving her an option she hadn't thought about at all.

"But, Ron...I can't be a mistress."

"I would never ask that of you and I would not want it that way."

"And my children, they are still so young, do you even like children?" Her pause made him raise his stern brow.

"Second thoughts?" He joked, " I'm not asking you to marry me. And yes, your children are tolerable, although Rose is nothing like you. And you know Albus Potter isn't so bad as a namesake." His words made her laugh, a deep laugh, one she desperately needed.

"Good." This time, she took her hands back and folded them against her chest, an infectious smile covering her entire face.

"You surprise me, so often. Shacklebolt is going to hate this."

"I don't give a fig what he likes or dislikes, this isn't about him."

"I can't betray Ron, I guess I already have and I have to admit that, but I won't any further. Until we divorce, I can't do this again."

"Propriety is your middle name." Snape put his money on the table and motioned for her to follow him. They walked a couple feet to a bookstore and leading her through the door with his hand at her lower back, she felt the relief of stress melt away. Surrounded by books, they talked about what he might specialize in and who could possibly be his replacement for the task force. They spent another three hours together before Hermione needed to get to the Ministry for paperwork and Snape to tell Kingsley Shacklebolt he was resigning. She held his arm as they disapparated in a tree-filled glen and let go as soon as they entered the Ministry. The hard part was still to come, to tell Ron she wanted a divorce and to convince herself it was the best thing, that it had nothing to do with Snape and that Snape would not be part of the dissolution of her marriage. If she had to keep her distance, she would. She told Snape as much in her first coded letter, making sure he understood that the distance was not because she didn't want to see him, but that she needed to do the right thing. The right thing was giving her husband space and time to understand her and to see how right she was.


	7. The End of the Innocence

**Chapter 7: The End of the Innocence**

Hermione finally found Ron in Croatia, the day after Todd Vance was buried and she said goodbye to Snape for six months, the duration of his first rounds as a healer apprentice and her promise to herself to give Ron a legal separation. He was sitting in a dark bar, almost the perfect ambiance for a wrecked relationship, she didn't let the symbolism slide.

"I've a feeling I know what you're going to say." He said, as she sat down, he wasn't smiling and for the first time in a long while, she saw a version of Ron she'd only seen when they were carrying the horcrux around.

"Really?" She parlayed, hitting the ball back into his court.

"I missed both appointments, Harry and I have been in the field for months...you are angry."

"I'm not angry, at all in fact. I am here to talk about that time, though, and something else." Worry furrowed his brow, but Hermione knew she had to be strong.

"How can you not be angry, I've been a sad sod of a husband." Her date with Snape crossed her mind and she wanted to say, 'No, actually, I have been a terrible wife.'

"Ron, I love you and I have for a long time, even before I really knew I did, but things have changed." He drank the rest of his pint and motioned for another, realizing this was more serious a talk than he had anticipated.

"I love you, too, may not say it enough but I do."

"I know you do, Ron, we've both loved each other for over nineteen years and that's never going to change, but I can say, without a shred of doubt, that I am not happy nor are you. We may not fight every day, but honestly, I just don't care to fight. I used to, I used to care a lot. Something awoke in me and I cannot deny it." He nodded, letting her words sink in, trying not to interrupt though he wanted to, to say she was wrong.

"I want a legal separation, Ron, I want to give you six months and then if in that time we both agree it is best to part ways, we will divorce." She choked it out, almost tripping over her words, but it was the truth she needed to say and he needed to hear.

"Where is this coming from?" A question she expected.

"I love being in the field, I love hunting down bad guys but when I get home, I no longer want to tell you about it, or at least not like a wife to her husband. We are different people, Ron, we've known this since school.I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone, except our children, but that love is similar to the love I have for Harry and it's a love you don't deserve. You deserve a wife who cheers you on, who wants to be at your beck and call, who admires everything about you. When we used to fight all the time, I felt like this was something worth saving, but we stopped fighting and we both took on more responsibility. " He had tears in his eyes and so did she. It was heartbreaking, admitting her faults and seeing the pain in him.

"I have always wanted to be a Weasley, to be loved by Molly and Arthur, to have siblings like George and Ginny, to know I belonged...but you see that's how I feel, like a sibling. I was never really a Weasley, but I am. I love you so much, but I can't stay married to you. Please give me the six months and I promise you, in time you will see that I am right." He nodded, but she waited for his response.

"I want us to stay in the home, to live there until Hugo graduates, at least. To make a vow to always take care of our children together and to live harmoniously."

"But if you want that, why can't we do that as a married couple? Why do we need to divorce?" He spat back, his lager smelling sharp on the air.

"Because you will meet someone and fall in love, and want to do those things with her. You always wanted more children and a bigger house. We can build a new wing, change the house so we can all live together until the kids are grown."

"You've made a perfect plan, for you. I don't want to imagine a life without you." His hands shook a bit, had he really not thought about this before?

"You will never be without me, ever."

"It will never be the same. What if you marry someone else, he has to live in our house? And you would like me bringing home someone new? How would this even work?" She sighed, knowing that she was being optimistic, of course he was upset and caught off guard.

" I don't know exactly, but we have a duty to our children. I want them to have Christmas with us and Easter, to see us together. I know it won't be easy, but they deserve that." His head bobbed like he'd been defeated, he knew there was no changing her mind once it was set.

"Six months, legal separation? What does that mean?"

"You get six months, we agree not to date anyone else and if at the end, we both agree to end things, we will be divorced. If we don't agree, I will have to petition for divorce. Either way, we make a vow." She payed out the paperwork before him, including the vow, both agreeing to terms.

"What if you change your mind?"

"Then in six months, this will dissolve and we will remain married." She was surprised he hadn't asked if there was already someone else.

"I guess I can sign that, seeing as you will see we are supposed to be together forever." She made sure he read the entire thing, agreeing that they wouldn't date and that they would live in the same house until Hugo graduated from college, their spouses also living there if they ever remarried. When his name hit the paper, she knew by Christmas she would be a free woman.

"So what does this mean now?"

"It means when you come home, I'll be in the new wing or at least Rose's room and it will be much the same as it ever was, we are rarely home at the same time. When the kids get home from Hogwarts, we will take our regular vacation to Bath and I think we should tell them that we are legally separated, so the divorce doesn't come as a shock should it happen. We will accompany them to Hogwarts together every year and greet them together when they come home." Though he had fought back marginally, she wondered why he wasn't more angry. He seemed neutral almost with a hint of forlorn.

"Is there anything else? This wasn't how I saw the night going." He sort of pushed his pint glass across the table, the first sort of real anger she'd seen in him so far.

"No, Ron, except that I am sorry, I tried to make it work, I really did, but with Rose and Hugo gone, the house is a shell and I am overworked. Snape has resigned and Todd is gone, maybe it's time I thought about a new job, too." He didn't meet her eye this time, but she was sure he was still crying. It hurt her, too, to fail.

"Maybe…" She suddenly hugged him tight and prayed that he would always know she loved him.

"I love you so much, I just want us to be happy. I'm so sorry." She felt like a teen again, saying goodbye to Ron before going to her room in Gryffindor tower.

"It's going to take me time, Hermione. I am shocked." With that, she let go of him and grabbed the contract, tucking it safely in her knapsack.

"It's going to take time for both of us, that's why they demand six months. I stand by every promise." He kissed her then, one last deep and sensual kiss, and then let her go. She cried the entire way home, from grief and relief, she had never seen look so distraught in her entire knowledge of him and that pierced her heart squarely, making her wish she had been able to ignore her dissatisfaction with him.

When she arrived at their house, she immediately imagined how it would look once they added a new wing upstairs. She was sure in her plan, that they could make it work for their children. Six months, she could easily do six months.

On her table she found a letter from Snape, nothing much just details of his first day, with a promise for another letter everyday of the six months, also joking that he did have something to write her about. She replied in kind, telling him that Ron signed the contract and the details therein, and that she hoped he enjoyed his apprenticeship in healing. Feeling suddenly so free, she ran a bath and submerged herself, truly happy. She knew Ron would not accept this so easily, but she also knew without a doubt that marrying Ron had been wrong and that even if Snape denied her in six months, she would be happy alone.


	8. Everything Has changed

**Chapter 8: Everything Has Changed**

They met at King's Cross to get Rose and Hugo from the Hogwarts Express, so happy to see their children, both of which seemed to have grown tremendously over the school year. Ron was surprisingly nice as they traveled together, driving Hermione's Peugeot. Hugo's owl, Bertie, twittered loudly in his cage as they bumbled back through the crowd to their car.

"Rose, how were exams? You forgot to finish your letter." Hermione asked, her arm around her red-haired daughter, taller than she was in 4th year.

"Good, I passed everything but I am not sure I want to continue Divination next year. Professor Trelawney seems batty." Ron and Hermione exchanged a furtive glance, Hermione trying not to giggle.

"Well, you won't have to unless you want to."

"I didn't think exams were hard at all, Mum, but I am worried about potions. Gryffindor lost 50 points because two students couldn't remember how to make the first potion we brewed. I was so embarrassed." Hugo's voice cracked a little, reminding Hermione of Ron at that age, even though Hugo looked more like her everyday.

"That happens each year, not everyone is good at potions, Hugo." Rose chastised, rolling her eyes. 'Siblings', Hermione thought. She didn't always understand their dynamic because she was an only child, but most of the time they were kind to each other.

"Are we going on vacation tomorrow?" Hugo asked, ignoring Rose.

"Yes, darling, and Meme and Papa are coming for a couple days and then Granny and Gramps, too." Rose and Hugo both cheered, making Bertie hoot wildly in his cage. Rose had never picked a familiar, so she sat quietly looking through a quidditch magazine while Hugo pet Bertie through his cage,as Ron drove quietly, like he was lost somewhere in thought. She wondered when exactly they were going to tell the kids, the Weasleys already knew and so did her parents, who weren't surprised at all. The Weasleys, on the other hand, were shocked. In true character, Molly begged Hermione to give Ron every chance during the six months to prove their marriage was worth saving, but Hermione's mind was made up and all the love she had for Molly and Arthur wouldn't change that.

They pulled into the garage and the kids ran into the house, neither remaking on the entire new wing of the house or that their rooms were now situated in the middle of the upstairs. She knew once they realized it, they would have questions. Placing the keys on the bar, Ron gave her a slight smile, happy to hear their kids running upstairs, but Hermione knew that painful things needed to happen. She followed Rose and Hugo's lead and ran up the stairs, hoping a letter had come from Snape, and she was pleasantly assured as she went into her bathroom.

"H: Healer Thompson has spent an entire day showing me how to brew dreamless sleep, perhaps he did not read my file or resume, so needless to say it's been a dull day. I wish there was more to report, but unfortunately, I spent so much time today rolling my eyes I might've fallen asleep for part of the process...undoubtedly I do not need dreamless sleep this evening. Rose and Hugo arrive today, enjoy your vacation. I will not send your letters while you are in Bath to give you time with your family. Expect them when you return, because true to my word I will write you everyday for this six months, a true labor. S.S" She laughed, imaging the terrible look on his face all day, she enjoyed how funny he was which so few were able to see. She'd miss his letters, but liked so much that he respected her family time. Folding his letter, neatly coded as usual, Hermione placed it with the others in an enchanted letter box, each day represented. Softly, she heard Ron's light tapping at the door, looking ashen for a second, obviously working up the nerve to ask her something.

"You can come in, Ron."

"I think we should tell the kids after Bath, I want them to have a good time." He sat on the edge of her bed, the one they used to share, and felt the weight of her decision coldly.

"I agree, I want the same. We'll need to tell our parents not to mention it." She joined him on the edge of the bed, her arms crossed, looking at the floor, feeling every bit as awkward as she was sure she looked.

"I don't know how I am supposed to act with you, honestly." Ron whispered, wanting her hold her, wanting to show her how much he wanted to remain her husband. This woman was someone he'd held closely for years, she was almost an extension of him. How could he not want to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her?

"We're still married, Ron, I'm still your wife. If you want to kiss me, kiss me. If you want to hold my hands, hold them. But, beyond that, I am afraid I can't...I'm sorry." Her heart broke a bit more, remembering a time when she had wanted so much more from him, like when they'd decided to have Rose, how easily she wanted him then.

"I wish you didn't feel that way."

"I do too, I promise." They hugged, his head resting on her shoulder, facing the wall.

"I can't imagine my life without you, I really can't." Wounding her, she knew this would come at some point, he just couldn't see how mismatched they were or wouldn't admit it.

"You will never live without me, unless I die before you of course. I promise, I will always be here for you, Ron." Softly, she ran her hands through his hair, feeling almost like she was comforting Hugo. A couple taps at the door echoed through the room before Hermione saw Rose pop her head around the corner.

"When did we get a new house?"

"We added some rooms, more space for grandparents and cousins, surprise." Ron stood, dragging his feet a bit and walked Rose around to the new sitting room next to Hermione's room, the three extra bedrooms, and the small kitchenette. It was as though a townhouse had been added to their existing home, giving Hermione complete privacy. Ron had the same new features, except only two bedrooms. All was situated around Rose and Hugo's rooms in the middle, with a sitting area and study nook.

"Sweet!" She heard Rose yell from the hallway, but Hugo didn't say much, only gave his father an odd look and went to Hermione's room.

"Mum?"

"Yes, Hugo?" He sat on the sofa in the corner of her room, looking out the window and lost in thought.

"But they never stay here." He finally said after several minutes passed.

"They can now, dear, they couldn't before because we didn't have enough rooms. Now Meme and Papa can stay during the summer to visit with you. And James and Albus, they can spend the night and don't have to hog your covers." He seemed to like that answer and jumped up, hugged her and ran to his bedroom. She heard him call out, "We have our own bathrooms, Rose!". With that, Hermione knew the kids were sold.

The next morning, car loaded and ready to leave, the Weasleys embarked on their traditional vacation to Bath, visiting Stonehenge for a couple days, and then spending several on the beach, building sand castles and swimming in the water, even though it was always frigid. Hermione's parent usually came the first few days and they always invited Molly and Arthur for the last few days, since they rarely went on vacations. Sometimes Harry and Ginny joined, but Hermione was worried things between she and Ginny might be weird considering current events and even though she had expressed the sentiment, Ron had invited them anyway.

"Is Teddy coming this year?" Rose asked, her ever-present crush on Teddy Lupin ready to gear up for the summer.

"I don't know, poppet, he didn't respond to your father's owl."

"Bummer."

"He'll be at Uncle Harry's birthday, he always is." Hermione responded, noting her forlorn tone.

"But that's not until July." Hugo teased her by making kissing sounds, he must've picked that up from other Gryffindors during the school year.

"You'll make it, I promise." Teddy was too old for her little girl, Hermione thought, then reminded herself that Severus was twenty years old than her. True to his word, no letter came before they departed, and she already missed his sardonic wit, but promised herself that she needed to focus on her family and not on some possible relationship that couldn't exist until after Christmas.

Their rented flat was always so welcoming. A kind elderly couple from Scotland rented it to them each year, charging so little Hermione wondered if it even covered the mortgage and taxes, but she didn't argue and always left a generous tip after a strict deep clean. The kid immediately ran to their rooms as Ginny and Harry walked through the door, their kids joining Rose and Hugo on the bunk beds. Poor James was getting rather tall for them.

"Teddy will be here tomorrow." Harry said, dropping his suitcase.

"Good, Rose was so concerned." They all laughed, but immediately Hermione felt a microscope on her afraid of their judgement.

They all settled in before the kids decided to walk to an ice cream shop and the adults were left alone. Ron and Harry fired up the outside barbeque while Hermione and Ginny made pasta salad.

"Can I just say I feel like a cow?" Hermione blurted out, trying to avoid Ginny's eyes.

"Why? Because of Ron? Hermione…" But Hermione interrupted her before she could finish.

"I love him, I really do, I promise...I just can't…"

"I get it. I mean, we've all heard you fight, even when you didn't think we could. You'll always be my sister, you know." Hermione squeezed Ginny so hard, she thought she heard her rib break.

"I was so scared you would hate me." She whispered, squeezing her tighter.

"We want it to work out, of course, but we like your plan, even if Ron doesn't think it will work. Harry, on the other hand, he's pretty bummed." Hermione looked out the window at the patio, frowning. Of course Harry would be upset, they were the golden trio.

" We're telling Rose and Hugo when we get home. I know they aren't going to take it well at all, especially Hugo. They were curious about the house...I honestly hope I am doing the right thing."

"You may not know until it happens, but I've known you for a long time and if there is any doubt, I know you've covered every angle, every possible fix. That's why I can't be mad, even though I wish it wasn't so." Hermione let her breath, feeling slightly relieved that at least one Weasley wasn't ready to cut her out of family pictures.

That evening, after dinner was devoured and games played, Hermione and Ron retired to their familiar vacation room. They hadn't shared a bed in weeks, though it felt like years since they were so rarely with each other. She lathered her skin in lotion, as she always did, and he read some reports from the Ministry, pretending to look at anything but her.

"Dinner was fantastic." She said, breaking the silence.

"Harry is magic on the grill, I mostly make sure nothing burns." His reply made her grin, they were some pair.

"Thank you all the same. This place is always so wonderful." Although she didn't want to give him false hope, she still gave him a quick peck and covered herself like a caterpillar in the covers, immediately rolling away from him, thinking of a day when she might be able to bring Snape to the vacation home.

"Goodnight, 'Mione." She replied in kind and heard him say, "Nox", and the room went dark. It was so very odd being this close to him without touching, she hadn't really thought about their sleeping arrangements before they'd left their house. She was surprised in the morning, when she woke and Ron was enveloped around her like a sloth to a tree; something about it was peaceful, but also wrong. Trying not to wake him, she inched away and slowly freed herself from his grasp. The smell of bacon wafted upstairs and she heard her parents call the kids down. Pulling her robe close, she prepared a happy face and met them at the bottom of the stairs.

"Mum!" She called out, hugging her mom tightly, then her father. Jack and Helen Granger looked the same, year after year.

"We aren't putting syrup on those cakes?" Helen called out, noting the ridiculous amount of syrup James and Albus had already poured on their pancakes.

"It's vacation, Mum." Hermione interjected. "Yeah, Meme, it's vacation." Rose added. Helen ruffled Rose's hair and kissed Hugo on the cheek.

"I can't wait to see the ruins." Jack followed Helen, sitting next to her and grabbing a handful of bacon. Hermione felt the relief of being surrounded by family and even when Ron came down the stairs, his arm at her waist, she felt relieved they could all be in the same place, happy.

The days flew by and they said goodbye to the Grangers as soon as they returned from Stonehenge and welcomed the Weasleys on the beach. With almost no real turmoil, Hermione wondered if her plan could actually work, perhaps they really would be able to function as a family, even with divorce. Her optimism was tested the evening before they were to return, though, when Molly begged she and Ron not to tell the kids until the school year finished, since the divorce would either be final or their marriage would still be valid. Hermione argued that it would dissolve at Christmas and telling them then would be cruel, finishing the rest of the school year in flux. Molly of course countered that that was why they needed to wait.

"Ron, what do you think? Sincerely?" They sat across from each other on the bed, the one they had shared innocently for eight days.

"I see why Mum wants us to wait, but I think telling them now will spare them later. If it all works out, no harm will really be done, but if it doesn't, at least it won't be a surprise." He seemed mature, then, like the time had been truly beneficial, or maybe she felt that way because he was finally agreeing with her.

"Tomorrow, then?"

"Tomorrow, but at home. I don't want their cousins or my parents saying anything we haven't thought to say."

"I love you, Ron." Hermione tickled his foot, accidentally forcing him to fall backwards off the bed, she came to his rescue, but it was too late, he smacked the ground so loudly, she was sure everyone in the flat heard him fall. Trying to help him up, both of them slipped with their socks, falling to the ground laughing as though they were back at Hogwarts. She heard Harry call from the hallway, but Ron answered before she could, their arms around each other, hysterically laughing at how silly they were and clumsy on her part. Stopping momentarily, Hermione looked deeply into Ron's eyes and wanted nothing more than to love him like she once did, to feel fulfillment. Without thinking, she pulled him close, so close their chests met, their legs entwined, and hands clasped around him, and she took him in, every inch of his body, wanting so much to connect to someone who seemed like a stranger. Knowing she was giving him the wrong impression, she, for a moment, didn't care and that brought tears to her eyes and she sobbed against him, hard and without care. She didn't want their marriage to have fallen apart as it had, she didn't want to hurt him and make him despise her.

"I love you more." He whispered, only making it worse, as his hands traveled up and down her spine. She knew deep down she had betrayed Ron, she had let herself fancy someone who wasn't her husband and that was unforgivable.

"I'm so sorry...this is not who I am." She whispered back, wiping her eyes with her cold hands and then immediately pulling him close.

"I know that, I know who you are and you're a good person, a good wife and mother. I can't blame you, but I don't want to let you go." As though possessed, she almost replied, 'You should've fought for me, for us.' But, she didn't. Instead she held him close and nuzzled at his neck, knowing this was the last time she would ever do so.

They lay together on the floor until she heard the hum of Ron's sleeping snore. Gently, she shook him awake and helped him to bed, kissing him and crawling in beside him. She cried herself to sleep.

They left around lunch and made it home in record time, dropping the bags and making sure the kids stayed downstairs before escaping to their rooms. Ron started, telling them that they had something serious to talk to them about, starting as every divorcing parent would by telling them that they loved them. Hermione told them the news, that they had filed for a legal separation, but that they weren't moving and that they would stay in the house indefinitely, at least until Hugo graduated. Hugo looked puzzled throughout, but Rose seemed calm, especially calm for her, who was hot tempered like her father.

"But, you still like each other. Brandy's parents fought so much, it was clear they were stupid for getting married." Rose said suddenly, as Hermione finished.

"We used to fight, Rosie, we did, but we haven't for a long time. You were very young when that happened." Ron defended, Hermione nodding in agreement.

"Does that mean we won't go on vacations anymore? And what about holidays?" Hugo asked.

"Didn't you hear them, they aren't going to have separate houses, we'll do things here." Hermione was surprised by Rose's indignation, her tone as terse as Hermione's had been many times.

"We will always vacation together, as long as we're able and you would still enjoy going. Nothing is going to change about holidays or summer, we have made an agreement to that." Hermione moved to sit next to Hugo, putting her arm around him and patting Rose's leg. Ron looked heartsick across from them.

"If you're willing to do all of that, why can't you just stay married?" It was Rose's last injection, her final question before waiting to be dismissed.

"Because sometimes, that isn't enough." Hermione was shocked by Ron's answer, his dejected tone was meant to wound her, and it did.

"We love you, though, and our lives together will stay the same. Some day, it might be changed. Dad might marry someone new and she will love you so much, and if that doesn't happen, you will still have us." Rose refused to meet either of their eyes, knowing what she knew of divorce, she didn't want to worry about splitting time and holidays, meeting new people she'd have to call her step parents. She didn't want what some of her friends had. Without saying another word she ran up the stairs to her room. Hugo waited around, motioning for Ron to join them on the sofa. Hugo was more sensitive than Ron had ever been, far more like Hermione.

"You promise we will live here?" His words broke what was left of her heart.

"Of course, we made a vow and we will honor it." Hermione patted Hugo's back and then Ron's. Hugo followed Rose up the stairs, but slowly, leaving Ron and Hermione watching their youngest child struggle. Overall, it had gone better than Hermione had expected, but she still worried about the rest of the summer. Ron hugged her and then she went upstairs, frowning until she saw a large stack of letters on her vanity. Her heart fluttered and she was vindicated for a second, then she chastised herself because she'd let her flirtation with Snape override her mantra, 'Alone is better than Ron'. Still, she soaked in every word, especially from the last letter, making sure she was alright and checking to see if she needed anything, saying to look for something on her desk when she returned to the Ministry, as he had been there to finish some final paperwork concerning Todd Vance and his position. She immediately sat and wrote him back, consolidating each of his letters into one that might be difficult for Harlow. Her penmanship suffered by the last bit, she wasn't quite as trained as she had been during her school days and writing in code took longer than normal. Making sure to tell him that the kids now knew that she and Ron were separated, she made sure to completely detail the promises she and Ron had made. Full disclosure was important to her, even if they didn't end up as anything more than a serious flirtation. Finishing her letter, she signed, 'Yours, H', in code of course, and sealed it. Five more months.


	9. The Boys of Summer

**Chapter 9: The Boys of Summer**

Summer droned on, picking two new members for the task force and coordinating schedules with Molly to watch the kids when she had to work, overall Hermione barely stayed busy enough not to think about her life day in and out. Rose still hadn't accepted their choice, but Hugo seemed to concede that things would change, but not much. Some days were plagued with teenage drama, but some days were more like they had been before the children went to Hogwarts. Ron came home more often and it was nice to see him; he'd remained as cordial as she, though they hadn't really talked about what happened the night before they left Bath. When Harry's birthday rolled around, she decided to let Ron take the kids and she'd join them later, letting them have time together. Harry's parties were always happy, so many family members and seeing old friends from Hogwarts. Rose hung on Teddy's every word and Hugo and the Potter boys tried to play quidditch with their other cousins.

"You're late." Ginny called out as Hermione walked through the gate.

"I thought Ron might some time with the kids, plus I had some work to finish. We picked two new members for the task force yesterday."

"Harry is happy he isn't one, though he would've done whatever you asked." Hermione rolled her eyes, of course Harry would've done what she asked, he always did.

"I don't know Denis McCreavey well aside from being obsessed with Harry in school but Joanna Ware I know, she's worked with my department for five years. I just hope they're really prepared for the work, it sure was easier with Snape, Finnegan, and Vance." Ginny made a surprising smirk, but didn't say anything.

"So surprise, when Lily goes to Hogwarts, I am going full time with my own paper. Harry and I talked logistics, it's something I think we can do once none of them are home."

"That's brilliant! You will be a huge success, sign up the Weasleys and Granger-Weasleys." Ginny beemed.

"Aww, look at Rose. That's the happiest I've seen her all summer." Hermione caught a huge smile on Rose's face and hated herself for a second for making her summer so bitter. Seeing her with Teddy made her happy, though she worried Teddy was just being nice to be besotted daughter.

"Harry talked to him this morning, reminding him that Rose is fourteen and not ready to date someone who is nineteen. He had no idea Rose even fancied him, which is shocking, I mean really. That's Remus Lupin made over, if I ever saw it." They drank a light cocktail of watermelon and rum, Harry's favorite, as they commiserated about Teddy Lupin and Rose Granger-Weasley. Ron caught Hermione's eye a couple times, motioning her over to talk with Harry, who looked slightly toasted.

"Happy birthday, old man." She joked, hugging him tightly.

"Old man, you're older than both of us, Hermione." Pretending to be perturbed, Hermione pinched his arm lightly, but wasn't laughing at all when he picked her up and carried her over to the pond, simulating throwing her in.

"You better not if you value your soul, Harry James Potter!" He dropped her immediately, knowing she meant business.

"You're getting pretty bold for thirty-eight, maybe getting closer to middle age has given you a death wish." Teddy called out from the make-shift quidditch pitch. He was refereeing the cousins as Rose played fearlessly for the Weasley team, which certainly had an advantage.

"Your birthday is always the best party all year." Hermione announced, looking around at all their family and friends, missing Snape for a second. Every morning, she reminded herself that there had been many times they'd not seen each other for months at time, but she'd never received daily letters, which was a pleasant bonus. Not once had he forgotten.

"The only other event of the summer is the reunion, though it might be scarce this year." Harry interjected.

"Why's that?" Ron and Hermione asked at the same time.

"Well, Neville says some of the staff are preparing to depart for the Triwizard tournament at Beauxbatons and they might not make it." Hermione frowned, the reunion only happened every four years, but she loved seeing everyone and catching up.

"He's still planning it, though? I'd like to pay respects to Dumbledore." Ron seemed distraught about it as well, somehow even the thought of it not happening was just one more blow for the summer.

"It's still on, but he said the guest list is a trifle short, comparatively." Still teaching herbology, Neville also planned the events at Hogwarts for reunions or other celebrations; he was surprisingly good at the details required.

The rest of the evening continued with lots of laughter and fun, but turned solemn for a moment when Harry told the kids about his seventeenth birthday, every year either James or Albus brought it up, the loved hearing about their hero father. Hermione thought about that night, how they thought it was the worst that could happen at the time, but that they'd had no idea how much worse things were going to get.

Later that night, the kids and Ron in bed, Hermione had such a vivid nightmare she almost hexed Harlow in her sleep, sans wand. The energy mustered by the lucid dream was so frenetic that she could barely form thoughts, so she could barely, albeit poorly, code her letter to Snape. She relayed the entire dream, from end to end, of seeing him in the Shrieking Shack, of hearing Nagini tear at his carotid artery, then watching him die over and over. It transitioned then to being alone in the Room of Requirements, the whole thing ablaze and dying herself, being engulfed in excruciating pain, and wishing for death with every breath she was trying to scream. Shaken and ill, almost close to vomiting, she sat in her bathroom, arms around her legs and head on her knees. This hadn't happened in so long, she'd forgotten techniques. Before trying to meditate, she went to her kitchenette and made a strong espresso and drank it quickly, she didn't want to sleep again.

In meditation position, Harlow dropped a letter from Snape but Hermione didn't notice. She was so deep in thought, she didn't hear her or feel her brush against her softly. Instead, Hermione eventually fell asleep on her bathroom floor and didn't awaken until the sun peeked through the shutters and she heard scurrying feet in the den. Seeing Snape's reply as soon as she opened her eyes completely, Hermione tore it open with a tenacious drive.

"Remember India- remember that we survived. If I could be there and comfort you, I would, but I cannot. Please, do not despair, we are meant for happier things, I promise you. Yours S". She didn't cry this time, instead she folded his letter and put it with the others, feeling marginally better but still so shocked by the dream seemingly out of nowhere. She'd heard Harry's story every year, it had never triggered a dream before.

After showering and changing for breakfast, Hermione kissed the kids and even Ron before leaving for work, new trainees to oversee, but all day she couldn't get the dream out of her mind. When she reached her desk, she remembered that weeks ago Snape had left something for her, but everything looked the same. She rummaged through all the drawers, but there was nothing. Opening her mailbag, she saw only old letters from the field and things she still needed to sign. She closed her eyes again and pictured her office how she'd left it before vacation, but also remembering she'd been in a few times and perhaps had tossed things. When she opened her eyes, she saw a small bag near her window, hanging delicately from a hook. Opening it, she knew immediately what it was: an amber necklace from their operation in Russia. If she had been able to tell a single soul, no doubt they would've thought her tossers because Snape, the bat king and red ink aficionado, would never be so thoughtful and romantic, but he was, so much of him changed after the final battle. When she thought there was no possible way he could feel such feelings for another person, she remembered his devotion to Lily Evans Potter and how that had scarred him. But how had he even remembered her remarking how much she loved the amber? That had to have been six years and several missions ago. Immediately she started a letter to him, but she didn't quite know how to tell him how much she appreciated him. It was becoming increasingly more difficult not be verbose, to admit exactly how she felt about him, but the fear of her feelings overshadowing his or eventually it not working out after she'd built it up stayed her pen. She wrote something simple and hoped it conveyed how appreciative and delighted she was that he'd thought of her.

Hours later, Hermione received a sweet reply from him, reminding her that they'd found the raw amber in Karkaroff's brothers home and they'd he'd fashioned it over time, during missions, into something appropriate for a necklace. It was little things that Snape remembered or did, so unexpected. She didn't want to compare Ron and Snape, but in this instance, Snape far outmatched Ron for the person who was her equal and who she could potentially be her best mate.

The next week, after kids were tucked away with her parents, Ron and Hermione attended the reunion at Hogwarts. The Great Hall was filled with former students, those who'd fought in the war and those who had graduated in the last five years. It was nice connecting with old friends again and catching up on their families and work. She saw Luna Lovegood Scamander and walked over to her immediately, giving Ron a gentle squeeze of his arm. They caught up for a ten minutes or so before Neville came over, and showed pictures of his and Hannah's sweet little girl, Abigail, who looked so much like Hannah.

"She's gorgeous, I couldn't have left her at home." But Hannah turned around with Abigail tucked neatly in her arms. Hermione cooed over Abigail and did not see, in the shadows, someone she didn't expect to see that night. He watched her, her eagerness to talk to her friends and colleagues, how easily she interacted with them, and wondered how he hadn't noticed this about her before. Harry and Ginny arrived, taking more of her attention, but he didn't mind waiting to catch her when she was free, they'd been apart for much longer, and technically she certainly didn't answer to him.

Watching Ron bring her some punch, Snape made note of Ron's almost shaking hand, yes things between them had certainly changed, he seemed unmanned somehow. As though able to read his thoughts, her eyes searched the crowd and landed squarely on his, and in an instant, he saw her visibly ease, as though she'd been carrying a tremendous weight that was miraculously lifted. His eyes followed her as she excused herself and walked over to him, Ginny, Harry, and Ron already lost in conversation again, she made it to him slowly, her face was blank, though, like the true professional she was.

"Fancy meeting you here, stranger." She remarked, folding her arms across her evergreen robes, robes that brought out the subtle fawn of her eyes, a color he rarely saw her in.

"Somehow, I felt compelled this year, but I am already regretting it. Can you believe Longbottom asked me to hold his child? Me?" They both laughed, Hermione almost spilling her punch, which wasn't spiked yet surprisingly.

"Have you seen Seamus? I called them back this morning." Standing next to him, they scanned the room, and found him near the entrance talking to Justin Finch-Fletchley and his wife. Snape motioned him over and in what can only be described as oddest handshake she'd ever seen, Seamus and Snape greeted each other.

"God I've missed you, you smarmy bastard, if Denis McCreavey gets me killed, I am haunting you both." He pulled a flask from his robe pocket and three shot glasses. Without asking, he poured the three of them shots of what smelled like pure whiskey and instructed them to drink.

"Here's to making it through ten years of missions and," he paused and poured them another, " this is for Todd, God rest his soul." Hermione prayed silently and drank, it stung her wildly, but she was thankful to Seamus for keeping the tradition alive.

"So, how's your apprenticeship coming? Have you hexed anyone yet?" Snape's vicious sneer almost made Seamus quake, but working with him so long reminded them both that Snape's bark was worse than his bite nowadays.

"If you must know, my Master Healer is a complete dunderhead and I've a mind to hex him before this over...thinks I can't brew a simple restorative potion. Does he even know who I am? He seriously asked me to...oh never mind." At this point he gave up as Hermione and Seamus were laughing so hard they wouldn't have heard him any way.

"You're the Longbottom of healing, never in me dreams did I think ol' Snape would be such a troublemaking student. You're getting a taste of your own medicine,God bless you." Seamus slapped Hermione as she tried to stop laughing, but she couldn't.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Severus, I had no idea it was so bad."

"On to you, me lady, what's new in the world of Granger?" Hermione blushed slightly, thinking of her secret letters to Snape, who happened to gingerly clear his throat at the same time.

"Ron and I separated, actually. Other than that, everything is exactly the same, minus or plus a few things." Seamus dropped his shot glass, catching with this wand before it smashed into pieces on the ground. "No shite! Well, isn't that something. You owe me 20 galleons, Professor."

"What?" Hermione asked, indignantly.

"You see, and I guess I should be a bit ashamed of it really, but we made a bet years ago, that you and Ron would split. And this fool owes me 20 galleons because it happened before October. If Todd was still around, he'd owe me about 100 galleons, as it were." Her indignance grew, surprised even Snape had been willing to bet on the status of her marriage.

"Well, it didn't start at such a price, it grew over time because every year it didn't happen, we doubled our bet. Lucky bastard, Todd, he believed it would never happen." Now she couldn't help but get over herself, it was kind of funny, really.

"You wound me, Finnegan." She feigned anger again, but smiled at the end, even giving Snape a brow raise of his own style. Seamus gave her a big hug and walked over to Neville and Dean, who looked like they weren't having enough fun.

"Shall we?" Snape led her to the doors and then down a hall towards the balcony. Fresh air and even a moment alone was so welcome.

"You really bet on my marriage, huh?" Snape nodded, feeling slightly guilty thinking she might've never known.

"We had to pass the time and you were the boss." He leaned into her a bit, there pinkies touching as they looked towards the Black lake, it was the only hint of affection they could get away with.

"I could talk about you with them and they didn't question it; I should apologize, but I won't."

"You wouldn't be you if you did." She rubbed her pinky next to his, then crossed it over his. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to leave with him, to talk and catch up, to be in his presence for more than an hour or two, but she knew she couldn't.

"Are you really fine with the arrangements with Ron?" She asked, knowing she would get a better answer in person. He paused before speaking, thinking of the right way to word his response.

"If I had children, mercy on those poor souls, I would want my wife to make the effort you are making. Does that mean that things won't be complicated, no, but if you want me in your life, I want to be in yours, even if Ronald Weasley is part of that package." Meeting his eyes for the first time since they'd left the Great Hall, Hermione could've kissed him then, but she didn't.

"Did you ever want children?"

"No, not while I was Voldemort, and after that I never thought about it. I went on dates in Voldemort's service, mostly against my wishes, Bellatrix Black, before Rodolphus of course, but even thinking about procreating with her or any other devotee made my vomit. As a decrepit old man, I think that time has passed."

"You've never talked about anyone else since the battle, have you dated anyone?" Immediately, she wanted to retract her question, realizing that she should've just stood quietly and watched the water dance in his company.

"Yes, but they were of no consequence. I never mentioned them because, well, I don't know why." They stood in silence for about five minutes, Hermione just happy to be near him, to smell that deep bergamot and parchment, lavender and something she couldn't place. Just knowing he was there comforted her tremendously.

"We better return before we're missed." He interjected, breaking her quiet reprieve.

"If we must...I hate that this is the last time I'll see you before Christmas."

"Four months isn't so long, Hermione." She nodded in agreement and they walked back down the hallway into the Great Hall, the music had started and Ron was indeed looking for her. She stepped away from Snape and met him, feeling his eyes on her every movement. Ron took her to the dance floor, his arm at her waist and they danced to the same waltz music from 4th year, except of course he hadn't dance much that night and she'd been enamored with another dark-eyed boy.

"Seamus is a riot, how do you work with him?" Ron asked, twirling her around.

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess at work he's not quite as inappropriate." Just as she said this, she saw Snape dip back into the shadows and Seamus come up over Ron's shoulder.

"May I cut in, my kind sir?" Seamus asked, bowing slightly to Ron.

"Be my guest, watch her left foot, though."

"Funny, gentlemen." Hermione took Seamus' hand and they continued the dance.

"You might laugh, but I feel like I should say something before the moment passes and I don't want to say it at work." Hermione closed her eyes in thought and wondered what he could possibly have to say.

"Yes?"

"It's about you and, uh, Snape." Shock clearly displayed on her face, Hermione searched the room for him, but she'd lost him. Had Seamus follows them onto the balcony?

"All I'm saying is, you two are something else. If anyone had told me ten years ago that I'd watch you two fight every damn day you were together over bullshite, yet share a pint and protect each other at all costs, I'd tell them they were taking the mickey. But, see, spending all that time with you, Todd and I started that bet because we thought you and Snape might get something going…" He paused as Hermione practically punched him. "Now, don't get me wrong, I know you're a faithful wife, trust me, but all I'm saying is, if when this is all settled, you don't marry Snape and invite me to your feckin' wedding in some moor in Scotland, I will personally hang you from your toes." This time she really did punch him, watched him fall back, and then picked him up again.

"You are awfully bold, Finnegan."

"Just calling it like I see it, Granger. And also, this was the first year Snape bet, almost like he had some inside knowledge." She hit him again for good measure, then pulled him back into their dance, wondering why Snape hadn't told her the truth about the bet.

"If I find that you've said anything about this subject to anyone else, I will bury you in a cave in Pakistan and no one will ever find you, clear?"

"But what you're saying is I am right, right?"

"Yes, you're right, but we aren't anything, and we won't be as long as you're concerned. Tell no one, Finnegan." He kissed her cheek and promised, a pep in his step as he walked away, handing her back to Ron.

"What was that?" Ron asked, capturing her in a tight embrace.

"Seamus was getting fresh." Her reply made Ron visibly jealous and suddenly she was desperate to find Snape. Finally she saw him at the punch bowl chatting with McGonagall and Hagrid. They finished the dance but she didn't feel much like conversing with the others in the moment, so she sat down with Ginny and Harry, lost in thought deeply. She didn't notice when Ron came to the table and took the seat next to her or even Snape congratulate Ginny and Harry on their rumored venture of a journal. Her thoughts drifted back to her nightmare and suddenly, she couldn't breathe, her lungs felt constricted by some force she couldn't control and she excused herself, walking as quickly as she could back outside. Snape trailed her, motioning to Seamus. They didn't speak, but waited for her to gain some composure.

"Nightmare…" Was all she could say. Snape helped her focus, telling her to mimic his breathing, he of course had the most experience with these type of dreams. Perhaps it was simply being at Hogwarts itself, but Hermione felt trapped, a feeling she hadn't felt in so long. Seamus wasted no time coming to her aid.

"Count with me, come on, one, two, three…" Hermione heard Snape whisper panic attack and they both tried to cool her off. When she was sufficiently calmed, she felt like a fool, but they'd seen her like this before.

"I'm sorry, you all go enjoy the party. It's just a remnant of a dream…it's the first one in months; Neptune, how am I still employed?" Hermione added, standing. Her eyes pleaded with Severus to whisk her away, she even sent him the message, and images of his help before. He sent back his own, comforting her and making the situation calm. Blocking her mind to him, she thought of what Seamus had said about she and Snape ending up together and wondered if anyone else they knew had ever pictured the same. It was this pleasant thought that made it possible for her stand up and go back into the Great Hall.

"You're employed because you're damn good at your job. I wouldn't cross you, that's for sure."

"Guess I need a renewal trip to India." She remarked flippantly as Seamus helped her walk through the hallway back to the Great Hall, where no one seemed to have noticed her exit.

"Seamus, don't bet on Scotland, I think it'll be Iceland." She joked, winking at him. Snape looked at her in question, but Seamus simply high-fived her.

"Is that a bet?"

"Yeah, 20 galleons." He seriously laughed then. They parted ways, Hermione only saying goodbye to Snape in furtive glances...maybe in four years they'd come together, she pondered happily. With no surprise,she found Ron once again with Ginny and Harry, whose company she adored, but she was ready to leave.

When they got home, kids collected from Jack and Helen, Ron asked her about Seamus, apparently he'd heard him say something about a bet, but she was disinclined to admit what they were talking about, so she told her first lie.

"His next assignment." They hugged after tucking Hugo into bed and helping Rose step down into her room, but parted ways once they met in their common sofa between the wings of the house.

It was sad to see the summer disappearing so quickly knowing her children would be back at Hogwarts in no time, she noted looking at the box of letters from Snape, but still something made her wish for those days to pass quickly. She would be free soon. As she was about to tuck the box away, Harlow arrived with another letter, simple this time and to the point: "Meet me in India. Yours, S" and so she planned to do so, replying in her own simple way, "September 1, Yours, H."


	10. On the Turning Away

**Chapter 10: On the Turning Away**

The remainder of the summer was without incident. Rose slowly warmed back up to her parents and Hugo was the same happy-go-lucky kid he'd always been. They spent much of their time with the Weasleys and Grangers, going to visit family and seeing sites around Britain; with Hermione and Ron both working, it was difficult to schedule family time often. But before the kids went back to school, Hermione planned a family day for them to go get all their supplies in Diagon Alley, have dinner somewhere fancy and see a film. After sending all the goodies they'd bought for school home, they walked to a new Italian restaurant recently opened. They waited thirty minutes before she knew Ron wasn't coming and ushered the kids into the restaurant.

"You can order whatever you'd like, even dessert for dinner." She laughed, looking at Hugo who had a serious sweet tooth that plagued his grandparents desperately.

"We haven't been to a film in a long time." He replied, having turned his menu to the back, forgetting all the delicious meals throughout to order a delicious dessert.

"With a muggle-born Mum, I'm surprised we don't do more things like this, I'll have to remedy that next summer. What'll you have Rose?" Rose's fingers taped the edges of the menu, she looked as indecisive as her father.

"I think I'll have manicotti." Hermione was surprised by this, Rose rarely ordered anything but traditional spaghetti.

"That sounds delicious. I think I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs or maybe the Eggplant parmesan. Hugo?"

"Italian creme cake and a side of fries." They three laughed, enjoying a family dinner together and knowing the next day they'd be off to school again. She sometimes wondered how her parents had done this, finding out their daughter was magical and sending her off to a school in the Scottish Highlands, eventually facing a terrible enemy. Looking at her children, she was desperate to keep them home, to hold them tight and hope that no evil befell them.

Hours later, after seeing a new superhero movie, wherein Hugo agreed with Rose that their Uncle Harry was better, Hermione and the kids returned home to a quiet, empty house. The kids scrambled to bed as excited as she had been before school each year, and around midnight, after working on the paperwork for the next assignment of the task force, Hermione heard Ron bumble in, walk up the stairs, and directly to her door. After a light rapping, she heard her name, but cast _muffliato_ on the room because she was afraid she would lay into him and the kids would hear.

"Where were you? No owl, nothing?" Trying to remain calm, she dropped her files and stood to meet him, closing her door.

"We found a stash of acromantulas and had to hand them over to the creatures division and we lost track of time. I'm sorry." But Hermione lost it; every missed dinner, every late evening promised to make up, every forgotten anniversary or birthday, every inconsiderate thing he'd done in their marriage boiled and made her explode.

"You're so selfish! We won't see our children again until Christmas and you couldn't get one of your colleagues to take the contraband for you? As I live and breathe, could you not for one day pretend you care more about us than your job?"

"That's rich coming from you." He spat back, casting another _muffliato_ just to make sure the room was as soundproof as possible.

"Rich? Rich, really? When I had Rose and Hugo, I started the task force so I could manage missions, and rarely go on them. I do all of my paperwork at home and more often than not, I am here, I answer their letters, I make sure they have everything they could possibly need- including you!" But nothing she said broke through his armor, instead she could see he was working up a nasty response.

"Perfect Hermione, doing it all. I help, I help a lot and if it weren't for my job, we would have never bought this house, that you want to share with another man."

"I never said that, I never said I wanted another man! I said I didn't want you." She'd done it then, she'd said something that she had never wanted to in such a way she could never take back.

"You haven't even tried since you sprung this separation. I thought you'd at least try, fight for us like you fight for your precious colleagues." Hermione couldn't believe what he was saying, did he really think she hadn't fought for them?

"I have been fighting, Ron, for years. I fought, I fought hard...you don't remember that because you don't care, it's doesn't register in Ron Weasley's world. I scheduled dates, separate time for us, therapy before we even had Hugo and guess what, you never showed. I tried to change things, I took a different job where you and I would see each other more, I quit introducing legislation which took so many hours, I fought for us constantly. But I can't, I won't do it anymore," she paused, looking at her ring and thinking about the day they'd gotten married, "you couldn't even come to therapy, that you suggested. Why would I fight for this if you won't?" He'd lost then, it was obvious. Nothing he could say could counter any argument she had made, it was logical and sound, as she was most of the time. He threw himself on her sofa and folded his arms squarely against his chest, angrier than he'd ever been at her and himself. It was useless to argue another moment, he finally saw what she saw and it had taken her piercing words to show him how much they'd bungled things up over the years. Staring out her window, Ron suddenly felt the weight of his defeat.

"Will you go with us tomorrow, like you promised?" She asked him, worried he was still angry.

"Only if you never remind me again of the idiot I am."

"Fine, that's an easy promise." She threw a paper ball at him, hitting him on his ear, ricocheting back to her.

"Can we never fight like this again?" His arms fell from his chest and he met her gaze, the anger washing away the longer he looked at her.

"I don't see why we'd need to, it's over isn't it." And then he stood, left her room, and went back downstairs to eat the dinner she'd brought him home. Hermione didn't know what else to say to him, but he was right, it was definitely over.

After saying goodbye to their sweet children, Hermione let Ron drive the car home and left on her own journey back to India. She was meeting Snape in India so they could ride the train together this time, but she had a portkey first to New Delhi, no parents to travel with and very little baggage. Rounding a corner in the train station, Hermione knew him immediately, even in muggle clothes. His hair was still short and sprinkled with a little more gray, which she found quite attractive; it distinguished him.

"Your chariot awaits, Madame." Taking his arm, they set their bags on the trolley and walked together to find their cart. With three months and some days left, she still wanted to keep her promise to Ron that she wouldn't cross the boundaries of her marriage vows, but she didn't want to deny her attraction or feelings for Snape, not especially when things with Ron were truly over.

"This is nicer than the one I shared with my parents. We only had two bunks and no room for luggage."

"The Ministry spares no expense for their darling."

"I've never heard someone refer to you as "their darling", is this new?" He laughed, throwing their luggage on the top shelf before sitting across from her, running his hands through his hair, a little nervous to be alone with her, no eyes watching, no possible interruptions, but she had a peculiar way of making him feel at ease as soon as their eyes met and her smile stretched from ear to ear.

"How did Hugo and Rose get off to Hogwarts?"

"They were both eager beavers as usual, though I am a bit concerned about Rose focusing enough to worry about Owls this year. She dropped Divination, no surprise there, but she didn't pick up another subject, so I worry she'll not study." His eyes rolled.

"Not everyone needs a time turner or takes a course load even adult wizards couldn't complete, she's fourteen."

"You never would've said that if you were still at Hogwarts." He nodded in agreement, she was surely right.

"True, but taking too many courses can lower potential Owl scores, especially if she doesn't have a study regimen like her mother. " Listening and agreeing, Hermione unfolded the table and rung for the trolley, hoping tea would be served soon. In the meantime, she wrote a quick note to Seamus to ready McCreevy and Ware for their first simulated mission.

"My only work, I promise." Sealing the letter, Hermione released Harlow from her cage and gave her explicit instructions to get this to Seamus before morning, Greenwich Mean Time.

"Speaking of work, if I never see Healer Thompson again...gods be I am entering the second half of my apprenticeship with a different healer, Marcia something." Hermione's eyes snapped to his. "Someone you're familiar with?"

"She was supposed to be our second therapist, I mean I still went twice. She's tactful and professional, no nonsense, at least I didn't see it...I felt comfortable talking to her. I hadn't planned on scheduling another session because Ron missed the two we had scheduled, but it really did help. Perhaps a conflict of interest now because I did mention you last time, not by name, of course." Now he looked intrigued.

"And what, pray tell, did you say about me, Granger?" She blushed a bit, thinking about what she'd wanted to tell her healer, but didn't.

"Not much, just that I'd been worried about you after Todd died, you and Seamus, that if I sent you on another mission it could be you that walked into a shop and was blindly killed. She wanted to dig deeper into that, but time was up." Now he looked far more intrigued.

"Aren't you glad I changed professions?" He prodded, seeing the trolley roll up outside the door. She ordered coffee, tea for later, scones and cucumber sandwiches. She knew once they arrived at the ashram, they would be eating meagerly.

"I'm famished and yes, I am glad, even though I was an idiot when you were trying to tell me. I've been around a Weasley far too long. Speaking of which, we had a terrible row last night." He stirred his coffee and took a small bite of a blueberry and lemon scone, quietly waiting for her to continue.

"I had this whole day before school starts outing planned for us and he didn't show, but when he got home, he yelled at me for not fighting for him, like I didn't spend our married years begging him to come to things with me or go on dates, to read a flipping book and contribute to conversations I have with Harry and Ginny, but nothing. The nerve, it still ticks me off." Snape's gaze didn't change, he only took another bite of his scone because he was sure she wasn't finished. "And he had the nerve to say that I cared more about my job than him and our kids, well he implied as much and then he said I only wanted this divorce, because let's face it, I am not staying married to him, so that I could move another man into our house. The nerve!" His eyebrow raised as far as it would go, though he had missed how animated she was in full righteous indignation. "He has no idea I fancy you, but regardless I am not moving another man into the house in December...he just showed me how little he trusts me or respects me, his best friend and wife. We survived hunting horcruxes, all those years helping Harry, and he can't trust me to tell the truth. Everything he's asked me, I've told him..." The train bumped along, her coffee spilling a bit, but Snape was sharp and caught it before the scones were doused.

"I'm sorry, I could've just said we had a row and left it at that. You don't want all the gory details of my failed marriage." She'd obviously done more embarrassing things in front of him before, but his keen stare unnerved her.

"Actually, I find it quite helpful." Her expression encouraged explanation. "Unlike your husband, I can learn from my mistakes and anything that shows me how to stay away from your temper, is worth it. I certainly wouldn't want you speaking about me like this." For a moment, Hermione imagined married life with Snape, how different things would be. Of course he wasn't perfect, but he thought before he acted, he seemed to look at an entire situation before jumping to conclusions, and he was devoted.

"Well, I'm sure I am not a perfect wife. I am bossy and an insufferable knowitall, as you've told me before, but I love and feel deeply, I love Ron I'm just not in-love with him." She finally ate a scone and looked at the Indian countryside before the sun set completely. Maybe she'd said too much, she didn't want to make a habit of talking about Ron more than absolutely necessary, but he would be part of her life indefinitely and she needed to trust that Snape understood that.

"No one is perfect." He broke the silence again, bringing her out of deep thought.

"True, my children aren't, I'm not, we're a funny bunch, though. I'm sorry if I am talking too much about Ron, it's just letters don't do it justice sometimes and I don't want you to think I am going to change my mind and suddenly forego ending things." He folded his fingers together and looked for a moment like he had when she was a student.

"Even if we never spoke again, I would encourage you to continue on your path. I admit that it does give me solace to hear you have both finally reached the same conclusion, but I am not going to endanger any possible relationship we may have following this by speaking ill of your husband or of your choices. My life is filled with failed relationships and poor decisions, surely you have better judgement than I do." Reaching for him, she pushed the scones out of the way.

"Thank you." Genuinely, she wanted nothing more than spend the rest of the time catching up, but her time in the ashram needed to be focused. Yawning, she pulled her hands back and reclined, propping her feet up next to him, careful not to dust up his jacket.

"Make yourself comfortable." He chided, putting his arm around her legs and playing with the hemline of her jeans, and removing her shoes, delicately placing them on the ground. "Your feet don't smell, by the way." She kicked him lightly, but he caught her ankle, tickling her slightly, which made her snort from laughing.

"You'll make me kick you for real or worse." He pretended he was going to continue, but instead stopped and just held it gently.

"You have delicate ankles, so tiny for a tall woman."

"Are you an ankle connoisseur? "She teased, the look he gave her, his head barely lifting as his eyes rolled towards her, something almost sinister.

"Not hardly, but yours are very fine." She crossed her legs then as he tucked his arm around them before she could pull them back to her side. There was something so intimate about his arm around her legs, even more so than when he held her hands. Moments like this lit a fire in her, wanting nothing more than to be near him, to kiss him, to be his in every way. Instead, she yawned again and then tickled his armpit with her toes, eliciting a laugh from him she'd never heard before.

"I'll remember that spot, for sure."

"Just you wait…" He teased, this giving her the boldness to join him on his bunk, hugging him tightly, practically sitting on his lap…" No, just you wait." She responded, running her hands through his hair, which was not a bit greasy now that it was short. Kissing his forehead, she returned to her bunk and stretched out, facing him, pulling her quite tightly around her.

"You know I won't be able to enter a room with touching you, it's one of my quirks and I won't apologize for it." Yawning again, she liked the look of contentedness on her face, how much he seemed to enjoy her affections. "Does that bother you, Severus?"

"Not in the slightest, I've never been loved like that in my life." And she could, she thought, she could love him.

"Good, because I plan on it."

Sleep came easily to her that night, her eyes growing heavier and heavier the longer she stared at him. Severus tried to fight sleep as well, but just being with her made his life lighter. He triple-checked the lock, then covered Hermione's feet with her quilt, crawling onto his bunk and passing out from exhaustion.

The next morning, Hermione was up first, noting that Snape did not snore, although she was convinced he did one mission in Argentina five years before. She heated her tea and sipped it slowly, watching him sleep, hoping someday they would be doing this as a real couple. Waking him gently as the train pulled into the village, she noted his slight smile and smiled back. Disembarking went smoothly and their walk to the ashram the same. Hermione said goodbye to Snape at the gates because undoubtedly they wouldn't see each other this time. Shyly, she walked into her small rooms and changed into appropriate clothing for yoga, her heart fluttering the entire time.

The sky was melting again, her heart soared with the raven, a unicorn frolicking over an open field. Hogwarts was burning, Snape was dying, he became the snake and bit her, her blood flowing into the burning embers of the Great Hall. The sun burst, sending molten flames down, and Remus, Remus tried to grab her hand.

"What did you see?" Her guru asked, seeing her visible dismay written across her face.

"Much the same, the same fire, the same people...why can I not get passed this?"

"You have much discipline. Pray, meditate, and remember; death is not the end, it is the return to yourself."She recalled the same words he'd said the last time, the ones she hadn't given much thought since, but she wanted to stop having nightmares, to be a functioning adult. How could she really give her heart to her children and perhaps even Snape if she could barely get through missions without seeing her loved ones strewn on fields.

The next day she continued in silence and prayed, trying to imagine the life she wanted versus the life she thought she had. In her meditation, she felt herself go completely free- no thoughts, no feelings, just silence and it was the bliss she'd never reached before. And each day that followed, she was able to get there again. When she finally met with her guru after her silent days were over, he lulled her into her vision quest, but this time she didn't see Hogwarts or the Black Lake, she didn't see the raven or the unicorn, instead she saw her bedroom, her neatly dressed bed and her plush bathrobe on the sofa, a cup of tea steeping on the window sill, and herself, at her desk, writing a letter.

"What did you see?"

"An ordinary day." She replied, crying, her heart ready to burst, hoping that for the first time since the Final Battle that she wouldn't wake from terrorizing nightmares regularly or have random panic attacks. She wanted control over her emotions and life.

"You appear pleased." He was a man of few words, she liked him.

"I am, how do I continue."

"Pray every day, meditate when you can to achieve silence. Project the life you want." His response was simple enough. She couldn't wait to see Snape.

Two days later, when their retreat had come to an end, Hermione met Snape at the gate, climbing slowly down the mountain, both appearing impossibly light. They were lucky enough to have the same train car, so they settled in quickly, but this time she sat immediately next to him, cross-legged, dying to talk about her breakthrough. But as soon as she was going to speak, she stopped and took his hand in hers instead, they had plenty of time to decompress. Instead, she wanted to be near him before they would be apart again for three months.

Staring at his hand, the lines, the marks, she felt a remorse for not having admitted her feelings sooner, for letting herself drone on and on in a failed marriage. Noticing her worrisome look, he took her chin in his free hand and made her face him, their eyes locking. Blinking, she allowed him into her mind, noting that they did it so effortlessly now. She showed him her experience, the freedom she finally knew and the happiness of her room, something so simple yet so wonderful. He did the same, and she saw for the first time his own personal happiness; a navy blue chair in a study, steeping tea and a black cat, he was organizing some ingredients and wearing his muggle clothes. She noticed brewing potions and open texts strewn in the background, his face free of any worry or despair. It was amazing how similar their experience had been. They were so similar, yet they were both alone. What did that mean? Did Snape prefer being alone the majority of the time? She pondered these thoughts as their connection broke. To be honest, she enjoyed quiet, alone time, but she also enjoyed deep conversations and being useful.

The food trolley broke her concentration and she let go briefly, asking Snape if he would like roast beef or turkey sandwiches. They got the same coffee, tea, and scones and two sandwiches each because work at the ashram had stolen all of their energy. She stayed next to him, happily eating her sandwich and sipping her tea.

"How often do you come to India?" She asked, breaking another bout of glorious silence.

"At least twice a year, especially under your tutelage, but now, I think I'll be able to handle once a year. It does my mind an immense good to get clear again."

"I hope healing is less troublesome. Sometimes I think about the injuries and diseases Madame Pomfrey has seen and shudder. But you won't be at Hogwarts, right? I'd heard she is retiring." Snape brushed the crumbs from his sandwich from his vest and sipping his tea that had cooled to the perfect temperature.

"No, I do not think I could ever go back, in any fashion. They originally offered me Poppy's job, but I couldn't consider it. It would be detrimental to my mental health to be at Hogwarts for more than an evening."

"Of course, I should've thought of that. How tactless of me." Hermione finished her last bite and folded her paper wrapper several times before putting it in the bin.

"Don't be troubled, it does seem fitting on some level that I would return there to work. But no, I have taken a job with St. Mungos when my apprenticeship is over, either with potions or in special units."

"Seamus sent me two owls while we were in silence, McCreevy and Ware passed their initial mission, so I'll be back at it quickly. We've heard about a possible problem in Russia; I have to report on Wednesday before we leave for St. Petersburg. Thank goodness you still have clearance." Resting her head on his shoulder, she worried for a second about having to face missions without him again.

"Be careful in Russia, they don't treat women any differently than men." He pulled her face up like he had before. "I want you to be here in December." She blushed and averted her eyes, sometimes unsure how to react to his honesty.

"December cannot get here quickly enough." Her arms encircled his waist and she held him tight like she had that night in her dining room, refusing to let go until she had to, but eventually her arms and eyes got tired.

"I guess I need to move to my bunk so I don't keep you awake all night. Thank you, Severus." Hugging him around his neck, her face so close all she need do was kiss him, she let go before him, but as she turned, he grabbed her hand again.

"Whatever for?" He asked, sheepishly.

"For letting me fancy you without restrictions, well aside from the ones I follow out of propriety, but there are moments, like now." She stopped herself, afraid she would say something she shouldn't. He stood at her words and took her in his arms, she'd forgotten momentarily how tall he was as his arms wrapped around her, his heart was beating wildly against her ear, mimicking her own.

"Don't ever stop." The heat of his breath in her ear sent chills down her spine, she visibly shook slightly against him. Propriety be damned, she wanted to kiss him so badly.

"I never thought this would happen, for years I thought about you, I hoped, but here we are, having to behave like puritans..." She reached up to his face as his arms held her tightly against him, thought soft at her waist and his fingers tapping gently above her jeans. It was almost torture, but she couldn't look away. A sudden bump of the rail line forced to tumble, losing her footing so quickly she was sure he'd fall as well.

"Well I guess that works for breaking the spell." He joked, helping her onto her bunk. He sat on the ground against the folded table, his arm above her pillow, playing with her hair as she got comfortable under her quilt. Time was moving too fast.

"How am I going to make it three months? I can barely keep myself from kissing you." Her hair tickled her eyebrows suddenly, so she brushed it aside and looked at him.

"I almost broke your vow for you, but we can do this. December is not so far away." He kissed the top of her head and remained next to her for the remainder for the rail ride, memorizing every inch of her face, not knowing that the three months they endured apart would not be easy and that it wouldn't be until January when they finally saw each other again.


	11. From Russia with Love

**Author's note: this chapter contains scenes of torture that may be unsettling. Please read with caution.**

 **Chapter 11: From Russia With Love**

Seamus held the door for Hermione as she, Joanna, and Denis entered Shacklebolt's office on a rainy Wednesday in September. He looked distraught, Kingsley, a mood she hadn't seen him in for years.

"I have some challenging information to share. As of 10:00 am GMT, five Ukrainian nationals have been taken, one killed by a new faction of Voldemort style followers, a man named Sergei Poroshenko leads them and as far as we can tell, he's ruthless. He's forty-five and well-connected, some wealthy uncles connected to the Romanovs. We need information and if possible, you have the power to take them out. The cleaner the kill, the better, except Poroshenko, we need him alive." Shacklebolt gave Hermione a large file box and bag filled with items they might need.

Once they left the ministry and met in their usual headquarters, Hermione briefed them on what their mode of operation would be. Seamus and she would scout the locations first, contacting other agents working with the Ministry to get inside information before making any moves, Joanna and Denis were to remain behind and work on research from the Ministry until they were sent for.

"I'm telling you now, this will be a long, arduous assignment. You may not come home for weeks, so when we send for you, have everything in order." They nodded and took the file box from Hermione. She knew immediately she needed to update her will to reflect recent events with Ron and also wrote a coded letter to Severus. She and Seamus agreed to portkey to Ukraine on Friday so they had time to get everything settled before they were in the field.

That night, knowing Ron was coming home from Croatia, she sat him down and told him what she could about the mission.

"That sounds dangerous!" He yelled, making her jump a bit.

"I will be there for research, connecting with contacts, and then I will be home and orchestrate as I normally do. Finnegan will head the team; I will not go to Russia unless they are in danger, in which I will alert the Aurors." She gave him a copy of her new will and files with some redacted information on Poroshenko since her security clearance was several levels above his.

"I bet it would be nice to still have Snape around in times like these." His genuine comment made her hope that someday he would accept her affections for Snape.

"It does, for sure." She hugged him before going upstairs and finding her own letter from Snape. He wrote about his new therapy rounds and how much he valued the expertise of Healer Marcia. At the end, he warned her about Russia again, telling her that if things got out of hand to use the necklace for trade, it was imbued with some restorative powers, and also that he'd kept the remaining amber and if she was truly in need, he would carry a portion that would burn against his skin. Everything felt better then. Her reply was short and sweet, promising another letter as soon as they were settled in Ukraine.

Bright and early the next morning, armed with a knapsack much like the one she'd carried following Harry around all those years ago, she met Seamus at portkey and they were off. It didn't take long to get settled in Kiev, an apartment rented and alias' drawn up. For the first week, they operated as they normally had, although Snape had been her partner for most of these missions. They allies in the country who could give them information about the men held hostage and the one killed, who Sergei Poroshenko was and who followed him, and how they could get into Russia avoiding detection. In little time, they made strong contacts in St. Petersburg and were sure Poroshenko was living in a small town outside of Moscow called Ivanovo, where Poroshenko had ties to some banks. When October came, Hermione returned home to Britain to brief Shacklebolt and assemble the rest of her team, who followed her to Kiev before leaving for St. Petersburg.

When she made it to her room finally after a long day of meetings, Hermione collapsed on her bed. She missed home and comforts, but mostly she missed Snape's letter, detailing his life. Walking across the room to her desk, she noticed the letterbox was ajar, though her enchantments hadn't been broken. Putting it out of her mind, she opened the stack of letters that hadn't made it to Kiev and began answering them. His penmanship was sharp and purposeful, just like him. After finishing her letters and making sure Snape knew she was going back into the field, Hermione created a further two shelves in her letterbox to keep prying eyes out in case someone had tried to tamper with them. Between the enchantments, coded letters, and now four layers of drawers, she was certain no one would be able to crack them. Ron was away at the Ministry when she left, so she wrote him a note about going back to Ukraine, then grabbed her bag, walked out the door.

That evening, the four of them ate dinner at a traditional pub and talked quietly about the move. In the morning, McCreevy and Ware would establish an apartment in St. Petersburg and find a contact who went by McGillivray. Then Seamus would join them when things were settled, their task to root out Poroshenko and his minions, though they didn't know exactly how many there were.

The evening ended nicely, they were all full of borscht and vodka, tired and ready for a change of scenery. Hermione looked forward to going home for a few weeks, but she also worried about her two new employees and their ability to do what she'd asked of Snape, Vance, and Finnegan so many times. For some reason, she felt the need to send Snape one last note before helping them to the border.

Dawn came quickly, too quickly for their heads which were pounding from the consumption of so much vodka the night before. Seamus showered first, they all took turns from there, trying to smell less like they'd lived in a cigarette filter for a month. After a quick breakfast, Hermione handed over identification to them, their new names and passports were pristine, and then enough money to get them started in St. Petersburg, which was not a cheap city.

"Keep this an owl with you at all times, but make sure you switch them up. I'm sure Poroshenko's men have been alerted that there will be people watching. Make the meet-up with McGillivray on Tuesday, please don't miss this, he's our best host right now." They nodded, looking a bit timid to says the least. Seamus handed them a cellphone, a burner the juggles called them, for emergencies only and they were gone. Hermione and Seamus waited for thirty minutes before they went back to their apartment and slept more. At midnight, they received an owl that they'd made it safely to the apartment in St. Petersburg, so Hermione slept calmly for the first night in weeks.

Tuesday came with several letters from their duo, McGillivray had shown and given them information that needed to be processed immediately, but Hermione was reluctant to meet them at the border this time, so she arranged a portkey and they arrived around six. Questions asked and personas verified, Hermione took the information, stunned to read what McGillivray had uncovered.

"The men they kidnapped, they're Scottish. Why were they in Ukraine? What does Poroshenko want with them?" It suddenly dawned on her why Shacklebolt had sent them so far away from Britain to deal with something, which at first hadn't seemed British jurisdiction, but now she knew.

"We have to find them." Seamus interjected, his fist slamming on the table. Hermione immediately sent a message to Shacklebolt and put the information from their informant in her bag. She then sent a message to Ron and Snape, saying she had to go to Russia to meet McGillivray to get more information, knowing full well neither of them would be pleased. Before bed, her mind racing, Hermione forced herself to meditate, to find her silence again, but just as soon as she'd found it, a black bag was over her face and she was stunned, unable to scream, unable to fight, she simply lay there in desperate fear, hoping beyond hope that her bag was still enchanted and that the letters made it to her fellows before the hideout was discovered.

"We will remove the blindfold when you stop kicking."She heard a voice say, but she wasn't kicking, she couldn't move. Perhaps Seamus or one of the others had been taken as well.

"Who are you?" She asked in the thickest Russian accent she could manage, unable to do much more than move her lips.

"That's of no importance, madam. We are curious who you are why you are hunting Sergei Poroshenko." She tried to think quickly, to come up with a cover story, one she'd had for years for just this situation.

"My husband wanted to know more, you see he's Bulgarian but he is Russian in his heart. He wants to know him, to follow him."

"What husband would send his wife to study someone like a spy?" A different man asked, his breath so foul she could smell it through the edge of the blindfold.

"A man who values his wife's brain." Tersely, she responded wishing she hadn't when the first blow hit her chin.

"Our women don't talk back." Another man, this one obviously not Russian, his accent sounded more Czech, said as he backhanded her, hitting her jaw so hard she thought she heard a snap.

"If you find my husband, he will tell you the truth." Hermione pleaded, sticking to her training as closely as possible.

"And what is his name?"

"Viktor, Viktor Krum." They laughed, smacked her again for good measure before throwing her into a cell, still blindfolded. She had no idea how long she'd been gone or if anyone else was with her. All she knew was this wasn't going to be easy and that if she didn't keep her head about her, she would fall into old habits and fail.

The next day someone came into the cell, she'd obviously peed all over herself with no way to relieve her bladder. It was humiliating, but more so when they cleaned her up and changed her clothes, not saying a word to her and keeping the blindfold on. They released her limbs but her legs were so wobbly without nourishment that she almost fell each time she took a step. Out of pure curiosity she walked the tiny cell and felt everything she could, sometimes when the light shined a particular way she could see through the blindfold at the bottom and watch her footing. Before they brought any water or food, though, she passed out on the concrete floor, crying.

Another week passed before Hermione had someone talk to her. They started bringing chicken broth and a square of bread once a day, but they kept the blindfold on and there was no way she could remove it. So far it was the only thing they'd done magically, that she could tell at least. She worried, with as long as it had been on, what it would mean if they removed the blindfold. Would she surely die? Contemplating her life, she spent many hours in prayer and meditation, trying to fight back against the fear, but some days were harder than others and she felt like she would never accomplish didn't harm her at first, aside from the initial interview, but sometimes a man would come in, she assumed it was a man because he didn't talk, and hold her arms tightly behind her back, raising them ever higher.

"Come with me, Mrs. Krum. You have a visitor." A voice, another one she hadn't heard before, pulled her from her cell and drug her down a hallway, turning three times to the right before opening a door on the left. He then removed the blindfold. It took several minutes for her eyes to adjust, but there across from her was Viktor Krum, looking as handsome as ever. She knew him being there meant not only had these men listened, that her own team was doing something to get her out. Viktor had been underground for over fifteen years; there's no way he would've been found by Poroshenko's men that easily.

"Wife." Viktor held his arms out and kissed her cheeks three times, alerting her that this was extremely dangerous.

"Husband."

"How could you disgrace me like this, Yulia? You were only supposed to ask around, not investigate a man as wonderful as Poroshenko." He slapped her then, hard and exactly where a bruise was barely healed. Her mouth bled, tasting of iron so badly she almost vomited.

"I do what you ask, Viktor, I tried to find him so we could help, but they took me." A guard behind her sat her down forcefully as a door, a second door opened and a tall, Russian man walked in. It couldn't be Poroshenko, this was much older.

"Your wife is our prisoner, Mr. Krum and we don't believe a word either of you are saying. Prove that you know of Sergei Poroshenko."

"My Uncle Youseli Davidovich invests in banks around Russia, Ukraine, and Bulgaria; we heard Poroshenko's name in Ivanovo a couple years back and with things the way they are in our region, we became more interested. We know his family has ties to the old regime and he wants to bring them back to power and we want to help." Hermione was impressed with how quickly whoever had been able to brief Viktor and get him to her.

"We will give you one week to produce your uncle and 10 million rubles." The man stuck out his hand and Viktor shook it, but soon he kissed Hermione passionately and whispered the code phrase, 'Away from the Sun', meaning if he didn't come back, she had to find a way to get to Poroshenko or free herself, this code always meant one was left to their own devices.

"Please, Viktor, take me with you! I'm sorry, I am a terrible wife, I don't deserve you."

"Think about what you've done. I'll see you in one week." He kissed her again and smacked her once more for good measure, this one not producing blood. She hated to see him go, the only link she knew of in this prison to the outside word and possibly salvation. They blindfolded her again, she only saw one of the men's profile but probably couldn't pick him out from a line up.

That evening in her cell, she went over the conversation again, playing it on continuous record in her head. Viktor really did have an uncle who invested in banks, that was how his career was funded until he got sponsors...her head spun, he couldn't really be involved? Surely he wouldn't have used the code phrase if he was determined to free her. Knots in her stomach, they didn't feed her that day.

The days drug on, they only came to bring her soup and bread, and once a week change out the pot she was forced to use to relieve herself. Her cycle had come earlier in the week and that embarrassment was almost too much to bear. Nothing in her training had prepared her for the duration of this mission as well as her time with Snape. Every morning, she assumed it was morning, she said a prayer for him, but they'd taken the amber as soon as they changed her clothes and she couldn't warn him, through at this point she was sure he knew. What felt like a week had already passed and Hermione knew, even with her shallow optimism, that Viktor wasn't coming back. Her heart almost gave out then, but she thought of Rose and Hugo, they'd be celebrating Halloween about now, she thought, and she wanted nothing more than to see and hold them. If they knew she was being held against her will, she was sure they were scared and she didn't want them to be. How desperately she wished she hadn't put herself in this position. At least once a week, they took her into a room where she was hurt, either by bending her arms in odd positions or her legs, she was thankful there had been no sexual abuse thus far. Some nights they choked her, letting her get her breath but then tightening a tourniquet tighter and tighter until she was sure her neck would break before she took a breath.

Just when she was sure things couldn't get worse, they took her into a different cell randomly one day, she assumed it was now November, and that that they were trying to keep her uncomfortable and unaware of her surroundings. It all snowballed from there. They admitted to not allowing Viktor to see her, though they did happily take his money. But worst of all, the torture started again. For wizards, she thought it awfully odd that they didn't use magical forms of torture, she hadn't seen one with a wand yet, though to be honest she hadn't seen much at all. They started with bending her fingers back, always the same question, 'Who are you?' . But she didn't give in, even after they broke both of her pinkies and ring finger, taking Ron's ring, she was surprised they'd let her keep it for so long. It only got worse from there, she was branded on her ankle twice with a shape she couldn't make out and then two of her toenails were removed...thankfully weeks passed between the really terrible tortures, almost as though they were going to keep her indefinitely, filling her with enough food to sustain but not thrive. At some point, they gave up the blindfold, the torturers were always the same, they still bagged her head to move her to interrogation, but she never heard anyone scream and had become convinced she was alone.

On one particularly bad evening, wherein Goyle, she'd nicknamed him that to get her through, had devised a particularly painful shoulder harness, she summoned the courage to ask him what day it was.

"It's Christmas, here's your present." He tightened the winch holding the metal in place and almost snapping her shoulder out of socket, she screamed so loudly she almost fainted. Her kids were home, probably waiting on her return, the divorce, had it gone through, did it matter? Her mind raced...how had so much time passed?

"If you would just tell us who you really are, you'd be out of here today. We know you aren't married to Viktor Krum and you aren't Bulgarian. Just tell us what you have on Poroshenko, and we will release you." But Hermione knew they were lying. A door opened to her left and she knew, instantly, that this was the man.

"Good evening, my dear. I finally get to meet you; don't seem so dangerous now that I see you." Hermione noted his tone, he was smooth this one but unlike the others, she could see his wand. When she didn't respond, he slapped her, like all the men seemed to enjoy. He had blonde hair and icy blue eyes with pronounced cheekbones and a well-fitted suit.

"You know I didn't have to keep you alive and I didn't let them use crucio, but you are obviously hiding something and you look so familiar. I know I've seen this face before. Alas, it is of no consequence. Your brethren have been hard at work trying to dismantle me and my followers, but they won't succeed."He ran his thumb across her bottom lip, making her insides boil. It was then that she placed his voice, he had been there the very first day, but she didn't remember meeting him another time. Perhaps after the Final battle, pictures had been in the newspapers, but they certainly wouldn't have published in Russia, right? And she normally wore a glamour, just in case.

"We have never met." She responded, using her fake accent to the best of her ability. He didn't say another word, but she was sure she now knew a way out; if she could use wandless magic of course. They threw her back in her cell and for the first time in weeks she had hope. She started that night, trying to move things or summon things, any stirring. At first she was too weak, so she tried harder right after her soup for the day, which she now realized could've had veritaserum, though she'd been to immune to it for years but in her weakness she was afraid she might say too much. She didn't know how many days passed, but with concentration, she could summon the bucket closer to her, she'd been doing wandless again with Severus and the guys for years. She had to get his wand, it was her only way out. She tried to ration the bread, saving it for a day when she thought interrogation would happen, but the next time she was interrogated he didn't show. Restless and angry, Hermione meditated and waited, hoping beyond hope that she would see her children again, her family, and Snape. How she wished she had the necklace.

"You have a guest." She heard as the door flew open. It was Poroshenko, distressed and angry.

"This is your last chance, who are you? What do you know?"

"I am Yulia Krum, my husband is Viktor Krum, we live in Bulgaria and have three children. I am just a housewife…" But he didn't let her finish, instead he shook her, harder than any other person had ever shook her. Disorientated, she tried to figure out how to get the wand, but he was too quick. She fell to the floor, her legs like jelly, trying to brace herself as he kicked her kidney, sending excruciating pain throughout her body. Facing him, she pooled all of her adrenaline and stupefied him but not before casting _expelliarmus_ , bringing his wand into her possession, with which she immediately put a body bind on him and the guard at the door. She could barely stand, so she floated the guard's body into the cell and closed the door, concealing it completely and making it look like a supply closet. Working slowly down the hallway, she noticed one interrogation room, and then remembered the location spell. But her ankles were weak, her right feeling as though it would snap.

"Where is the exit?" She asked the wand, it jiggled slightly and pointed her, thank goodness it was growing darker because no one was in the halls. As she turned another corner, a man came out of what looked like a sofa, so she stunned him as well, trying to be as quiet as three people were gathered near the exit, one definitely had a wand but they weren't expecting her, which was an advantage she never thought she'd have in the situation. Before the wanded one could counter a spell, Hermione stupified him and stunned the others, placing them in full body binds.

Finally, she saw the exit, a massive metal door she couldn't quite push open even after it was unlocked, but eventually she managed, feeling the frigid temperatures of Russia hit her hard as the wind blew in. Sealing the door, she thought for a moment about the best way to get home, but the adrenaline was wearing thin and her weakness gained control. Looking around as she walked, hoping for a clue, and against all odds that they had been able to at least find the prison. Hermione saw in the distance a bottle of Coca Cola and laughed for a second, it was innocuous enough for people not to suspect it but obvious enough to be a portkey. She grabbed it and landed squarely in front of the ministry, she didn't even care if she had to take the guest entrance.


	12. True Colours

**Chapter 12: True Colours**

The light blinded her and not metaphorically, she couldn't make out a single face among the crowd standing over her. It didn't matter as she passed out as soon as someone lifted her from the ground and whisked her to St. Mungos. She didn't know how long she slept or even how bad things were until she opened her eyes and saw Ron staring at her, having grown a full beard and cut his hair so short she wouldn't know he was a redhead without the beard.

"Ron." She whispered, trying to lift her hand to get his attention. It was as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. On her right sight, she saw a healer going over her arm and hand, trying to preserve the delicate nerves.

"What day is it?" She asked the healer.

"January 8th, love." Patting Hermione's arm tenderly, the healer roused Ron, who looked as angry as he was relieved to see her.

"You have no idea how much I want to strangle you." Ron said, no malice in his voice. Instead, he sat next to her on her bed and wiped her tears, noticing how high her body temp was.

"I tried, so hard...I wanted to get away...I..."

"We can talk about it later. The kids are still my parents at the Burrow. They are so thankful you're okay. And Snape, he's been here every hour to check on you, using his fancy new healing skills, completely reset your shoulder, they couldn't remove the burns, though." Her heart sank, she'd missed Snape.

"And everything went through, with the divorce I mean, I didn't contest because I thought you'd be home. I have the papers at our house." But Hermione motioned for him to stop, tears flowing so freely she couldn't see him in pain.

"We don't need to talk about that right now. Just tell me you're okay and Rose and Hugo and Seamus? McCreevy and Ware?"

"Everyone is fine, just overworked and glad you're home. Seamus is one helluva guy; he practically combed the entire Ural mountains looking for you." Relief coursed through her body, but not as much as when she saw Snape come around the corner, new robes and all. Her heart danced then, thinking back to all the times he'd saved her without even knowing it.

"I told her I wanted to strangle her." Ron quipped.

"Can I help?" Jokingly, Snape replied, checking her vital signs and applying a cold rag to her forehead.

"You have a kidney infection and several broken bones; we gave you a draught for sleep and pain, you'll feel better in the morning." All could she do was smile like a silly school girl and pet his hand, no doubt Ron thought she was crazy.

"Does anyone want to know how I got out?" But before she could even finish saying out, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep and experienced the best rest for months, completely comforted by the humming electricity and steady beeps. At some point in the night, she hazily remembered Snape checking on her and her fingers dancing across his, so happy she wasn't in a dark, dingy cell in some remote area of Russia.

"You need sleep, too." Her whispered voice caught him off guard, she'd touched him many times during her delirious sleep, but he didn't think she was awake.

"No, you need sleep. I haven't been hurt." But he couldn't say tortured or abused, so instead he sat in a chair next to her and smoothed her hair, so thankful she was safe.

"They weren't so bad most of the time, just really bad when they were." Her tears wouldn't stop, she couldn't look at his dark circles or worry lines, which seemed to have quadrupled. Trying to turn her neck, she realized that the pain of their choking incidents had really caught up to her. For Snape, his hair even seem to have a bit more salt in the pepper. All of it made her feel the extreme guilt of her profession. What if they had killed her? That would be one more woman he'd lost to a homicidal maniac.

"I'm so sorry, I really did try. I asked them their questions, I verified everything. How did they even know where we were? "

"You need not apologize to me, Hermione. We have worked this job together for a long time and I know you follow protocol, in increasing annoyance; they were well connected; nothing you did caused this." Trying to sit up, she felt a tug against her abdomen, pushing her back down. Suddenly, she blushed, through her grief and guilt, she wondered if Snape had been the one to do her entire evaluation upon entry?

"Lie back, you have more healing to do before you can save the world again." And with that, she didn't care.

"I've made up my mind to take a desk job, I can't do this again, I won't. When we first started, it was exhilarating, finding these evil people and destroying their artifacts, but I am incapable of going in the field again. I've sacrificed enough for the Ministry; almost dying, losing everything for the second time, I can't fathom putting myself in that position ever again." Relief spread across his face as he continued rubbing the cool cloth across her forehead, his other hand resting on her softly. But her tears continued, at first they trickled slowly but soon her entire body was shaking. The pain and desolation, all those hours alone and panic-stricken, waiting for the next torture or worse. He moved to sit on the bed with her and raised her up to be in his arms, she shook against him, her anger and anguish pouring over him. In all their years working together, he'd never seen her like this. Wiping her eyes with the cloth and blotting her nose, Hermione wanted him to stay with her all night, to give her the comfort she could only feel in his arms.

"I'm sorry I missed December, I had so much planned for you." He let go slightly, bringing her face to his.

"You're here now."

"It's your birthday now, right? It's after midnight?" He nodded yes, and she felt that at least she didn't miss his birthday. "I have a present for you at home, but I cannot remember where I put it and I certainly don't want Ron looking for it." They both laughed a little.

"I don't need gifts."

"No one needs gifts, Severus." The crying had slowed, her tears now barely rolling down, but she wouldn't let him go, not until he forced her to.

"I dreamt about this, every day, being able to touch you, to hold you. It was you and Rose and Hugo, you got me through." She no longer cared if her admissions were perhaps too romantic, too emotional or in his eyes, contrived; Hermione didn't want to waste a minute pretending she didn't want to be more than colleagues or even friends with him.

"They took my necklace, they took everything." More tears, she wished she could stop. But, without letting go completely, Snape presented her necklace and put it gently around her neck.

"Seamus went in after you arrived in the ministry, he got your bag and everything else he could find, including this." He held up her wedding ring, she looked at her crooked ring finger and an equally crooked pinky, knowing she could never be able to wear a ring again. She laid back down, her strength waning...what to do with the ring.

"I'll save it for Rose, maybe someday she'll want it, or Hugo." He dropped it in her bag and when he turned around, she was admiring the amber again, the smoothness and warmth of it.

"Funny how I went to Russia to track down a crazy man and stop his distribution of goods, and you know killing people, and we confiscated this from Karkaroff's brother. Maybe we aren't as good as we think we are."

"I have never been described as 'good'" They both looked up as another healer came in and checked the progress of her kidney infection, forcing Snape to move from her and scurry off to another room, but not before telling her he'd be back. Unfortunately, she didn't remember him coming back or anything else for a while as she slept most of the 9th and into the 10th, her body desperately tired. They let her go home on the 11th, Rose and Hugo wouldn't leave her side, and Ron even stayed home to make sure she could get around. Molly and Helen made meals and cleaned, but it wasn't until Shacklebolt came to brief her that she finally felt free.

"I would like to formally request a new position, Minister."

"Anything, Granger, we'll find you a position doing some paperwork." He shut his briefcase and left her with the reports she'd have to sign from Seamus and the team. Ron showed Shacklebolt where the floo powder was and he was gone.

"Rose and Hugo are going back to Hogwarts tomorrow and then you have an appointment at St. Mungos for your final health exit in two days. And I left all the paperwork and letters you received on your desk, I may have moved your letterbox." He made his trademark oops face and helped her up the stairs. It was odd being home again, comfortable but odd. Hearing Harlow twitter about in her stoop and the gentle ringing of the wind chimes on the portico, it all felt comfortable.

"Snape also said he'd stop by with more potions at some point. He's been nice, actually."

"He's been nice for a long time, Ron, as he's not a double-agent anymore." Opening her door, Ron helped her to her desk and the mountain of letters.

"That's a lot of mail."

"My connections are vast, you know." She replied, laughing as her hands shook, pouring over each letter from Snape, there were more than enough from her time away, more than one a day.

"Thank you, Ron, for everything. You don't have to take care of me, but thank you."

"You're my best friend, you know with Harry, I don't mind." With that, he closed her door and allowed her the space to look through her letters and read through the paperwork she needed to sign and file. First, though, she read through their divorce documents, noting that they both retained the house and possessions, really all that changed was their legal status. Ron had told the truth, he didn't contest a single clause in the agreement. They were no longer married and for one brief moment, she felt a tinge of sadness that they'd been unable to make it. But, that feeling disappeared when she started reading through Snape's letters, each one more tender and pleading than the last. His perspective of her time away made things clear, how hard everyone had worked to get intelligence and find her; it made her heart soar. When she got to January 6th, the day she was found at the Ministry, all he wrote was, "I'll see you soon, Yours, S". Holding it against her chest for several minutes, she could even smell his hand on them, the same smell that lingered whenever she was able to get close enough to him. A light rapping at her door roused her from her reverie, longing to get back all the time she'd lost.

"Your potions, Granger." Snape walked through her door, setting the potions on her dresser as he watched her try to stand too quickly, catching her before she fell. "What am I going to do with you?" Scooping her up, he carried her softly to the sofa and held her tightly against him as he sat. She didn't allow herself to feel foolish, instead she simply cuddled against him and enjoyed resting on his lap.

"I just finished your letters." She sighed, playing with the button of his cravat, enjoying every ounce of his arms around her.

"Some days, it was all I could do. Shacklebolt gave me information due to my clearance, but he might not have if he'd known my personal investment in the venture."

"Krum? What happened to Viktor?" It suddenly hit her, she hadn't asked about Krum yet.

"He's well, still in Bulgaria, but unfortunately he might have been more connected to Poroshenko than we realized. We're lucky he even treated you with any modicum of respect."

"He didn't really, he hit me twice, but I expected it and he kissed me, too, perhaps he knew he was going to betray me...he used the code phrase as well. Somehow, I'm not surprised, though." Snape wasn't shocked either, but still angry that Krum gone against his word.

"He used the code phrase?"

"Yes, when he kissed me, he whispered it, so I knew that he wouldn't be back, I still hoped, but he didn't return. No one has ever used that phrase with me before, it's bloody awful hearing it." His head rested on hers, her entire form cradled against him.

"Hermione, I don't know if it should be me to tell you this, but as the Minister and your husband haven't yet, you should know that Poroshenko knew who you were the entire time. The treatment, the abuse, that was all a game. He wanted to hurt you and hurt the Ministry." She shivered beneath him, her sadness and anger overwhelming her pain. It did not make sense in the moment, not really, with so much medicine in her body. Most definitely, his words did not sink in.

"I need to give you the potions before you feel the pain." He gently stood again and set her on the sofa, each potion labeled and dosed for two days before she went back to St. Mungos. He poured each potion into a small glass and gave it to Hermione, setting the labels and directions on her dresser.

"Thank you for the peppermint, that makes it taste so much better." Wiping her lips, Hermione handed him the glass back and stood, her legs feeling slightly stronger. She'd waited so long to be able to kiss him and she didn't want another moment to pass before she did.

"Come here." She urged, her arms outstretched and waiting for his. "You will never know how much this moment kept me going." She reached up to him and his face in her hands and though she could barely stand on her toes, she stood as tall as she could and finally kissed him. It hit her then, the image she'd seen in India, he was the unicorn, the raven, he soared with her on a melting plain, through clouds that bled into stars. But this time, the melting plain was a castle rebuilding, a home with two desks, ink bottles and steeping tea, and him, next to her, their hands entwined. The shock of it almost caused her to faint, but he caught her and kissed her again.

"You know it won't always be like this." He teased, helping her under her covers as the medicine slowly took over her facilities.

"But what if it is?" She countered, reaching for him again and meeting her lips with his. "I wish you could stay." Her eyes begging his.

"I do as well, Hermione, but you need rest. I will be back to take you to St. Mungos, I promise." She kissed him again and caressed his hand.

"I suppose you still fancy me then?"

"Unfortunately, as dangerous as you are." He teased, walking slowly towards her door, trying to hold it together for a few minutes before he could let himself feel the weight of her recovery, her being alive. Ron was waiting in the sitting area between the two halves of the house.

"Make sure she takes the potions again tomorrow morning. Will you be here or Mrs. Potter?" Snape asked, closing his own carrier bag quickly before throwing it over his shoulder.

"Ginny'll be here." A look of annoyance met Ron then, there was so much Snape wanted to say about how Ron should treat his now ex-wife, but he kept those words to himself.

"And your children? Who is taking them to Hogwarts?" Ron was suddenly aware Snape's attitude had changed, a better example of how he was during his school days.

"I am, not that it's your business." A shift happened then, one Snape hadn't intended but he knew he needed to change his tone.

"I was only going to offer to help, Mr. Weasley."

"Sorry, I'm a bit on edge still, thanks Snape." With one contrived smile, Snape flew down the stairs and back to St. Mungos, leaving Hermione in their care.


	13. Faithfully

**Chapter 13: Faithfully**

A month passed before Hermione felt normal or at least as normal as she could as she could for the time being. With the kids back at Hogwarts and Ron at work, most days were spent alone at the house. She hadn't met with Shacklebolt again and wanted to put off going back to work as long as possible, but knew she'd be heading in soon. Ginny had come over quite frequently to help stimulate her brain and catch up on current events. The paper was still in creative stages but they were having plenty of success in the production stages. The highlight of her days, though, was when Snape came to visit. The sitting room in her area of the house had gotten more use in those weeks than when it was the original sitting area when she and Ron first moved in. They'd been to coffee almost everyday after his shift was over, to dinner several times, and a play, Twelfth Night, one evening after she visited him at St. Mungos. It felt completely comfortable and natural to be with him, to walk around through their evenings together as though it had always been that way.

"I thought tonight we could eat in, I'll make you dinner." Snape offered, she smiled sweetly, biting her lip slightly.

"At your house?" She asked, she'd never been there.

"Yes, it's not as fancy as yours, but my study will fulfill all your dreams." Taking his arm, he apparated them to Spinner's End, directly into his kitchen.

She noticed immediately that it was dark, the opposite of her home with it's gray walls and white wainscotting. But though it was dark, it was cozy like she always imagined it would be.

"Will you need my help?" His raised brow gave her a quick answer, so she sat at the bar and watched him work, her hand under her chin.

"Wine?"

"Fancy, fancy." She grabbed glasses from his cupboard and watched as he uncorked a sweet, red wine. "So what are you making, Severus?"

"It's a surprise." Stirring the mushrooms, he leaned over to kiss her before she sat back at the bar.

"I have a meeting with Shacklebolt tomorrow for my new job, do you think I can convince him to let me have my old job...no, not that one, the one before, working with magical cooperation and creatures." Snape dropped his spatula for a moment when she first spoke, but regained his composure by the time she was finished.

"That seems less dangerous, no doubt." She watched him cook, his chopping and precise measurements, reminiscent of her days in potions. His movements were light, as though he floated while he moved, actions faster than she could register sometimes. It was mesmerizing, watching him work.

"I've never had someone cook for me like this before." Hermione remarked, noting that Ron had grilled food with Harry many times, but it was never especially for her.

"I've rarely had someone to cook for." With that, he took the plates to his table, perfect for two while Hermione grabbed their wine. From her first impression, it looked like a beef tenderloin with goat cheese, pearl onions, mushrooms, and carrots, chopped so finely they had the most delicate flavor.

"Now I know why you've always picked on my cooking. If I had known you cooked like this, I would've let you make the meals all the time."

"We had to work with what we had, I couldn't have made this with the ingredients we had in Argentina, for example." Hermione laughed, recalling their month-long mission in Argentina, eating bananas and avocados for days.

"I thought Seamus would kill me and Todd, he found out he was allergic to passion fruit. How did we make through half of our missions?" Savoring another bite, Hermione thought happily about Seamus and Todd, how much they'd done together in ten years.

"We waited for you to visit, then it was easy." Snape replied, sipping his wine and watching her over the brim of his glass, unnerving her for a second.

"If only I had known then, you never hinted or gave me any idea. It wouldn't have even registered at all if it weren't for the time we were in Marseille, when Ron surprised me." Taking a large sip of her wine, Hermione winked at him, enjoying so much the flirtation.

"Really? I thought it would've been Pisa when I had to carry you over the bridge because suddenly you were afraid of heights."

"Suddenly? I've always been afraid of heights, I'll have you know. I don't recall anything particularly different about that mission, though." Another sip of wine and it was clear Hermione was becoming intoxicated.

"You were too frightened to feel my heart racing. Or perhaps when we were in Sicily, when Yuri Denisovich tried to kill us." Snape, the infatuated hero. It didn't always suit him, but some moments it really did, like then when she looked over at him and his face was soft, not worn at it was when she normally met them on missions. She remembered Sicily well, the night they held each other for the first time.

"What happened at Marseille? That I don't recall being different at all." Severus inquired, taking his plate to the sink and rinsing. Hermione followed, her dinner tastefully gone. She put her arms around his waist as he rinsed the dishes.

"You should let me do that, you cooked." Her words made him pause.

"Avoiding my question?"

"No, I can't say it was any one thing, except when Ron took me to dance, you gave me, us, this look that made me feel like you were jealous." Drying his hands quickly, he twisted and faced her, dipping his body slightly against the countertop and making it possible for them to see eye to eye, his legs straddling hers.

"I was jealous. Your husband showed up and stole my one evening with you in months."

"Ex-husband." He nodded in agreement before she caught his face in her hands.

"When do you think you first knew I fancied you back?" She almost regretted the question as soon as it was asked, but was so curious it didn't matter.

"I would say it was in Inverness, when we went to that ridiculous museum. Before then I hadn't really thought of you that way, not more than any man would, but you did something that day when we took the boat cruise to Urquhart Castle, I'll never forget it." Hermione searched her brain, replaying that day from start to finish, noting that it was five years ago. Had she really known her own feelings then?

"I don't remember much about that day except it was so cold and Todd kept howling like the Loch Ness monster was waiting to be caught by his bare hands."

"When we walked down the hill to the castle, you lost your footing and reached for me, steadying yourself, but you didn't let go for ages. On the way back on the boat, we shared the blanket between us and you asked me to warm your hands because it was bloody cold. You'd never touched me before and so often in one day, at least not when I could remember. I don't know why, but that day it just felt different. You let me steady you as we departed the boat and then didn't let my hand go for a while, and you smiled at me...it was unnerving." Suddenly it dawned on her, she remembered that moment exactly and the feelings she felt being close to him, recalling the first time she registered how much he smelled like bergamot all the time. And then it made her sad, Severus hadn't had much affection throughout his life and her attentions, even if they hadn't been romantic at the time, were the only ones he'd known in ages.

"Five years ago...all the time we could've had."

"We have plenty of time to make up for it, I promise." He kissed her then, squarely and hard, eliciting a soft moan from her before he pulled away. They hadn't talked about intimacy or expectations, that conversation had yet to come up, but Hermione wanted more, she just felt like a kid again, young and inexperienced with a new love. From the look on Severus's' face, he too felt the same. Being bold, she kissed the skin just above his collar, tracing his jawline from ear to ear, finishing by kissing his mouth meticulously, making sure to nibble his bottom lip a bit as her body gently rested on his.

"You'll get yourself into trouble that way, young woman." He teased, his hands still holding her tightly against him in possibly the closest their bodies had ever touched, aside from a quick hug or on the train, but even then her breasts hadn't been shoved against him just so.

"Will you punish me?" She countered, in possibly the sexist voice she'd ever produced, biting her lips slightly as she finished. In one quick motion, he lifted her and switched their positions, her sitting on the edge of the counter, her legs wrapped around his, arms tightly on his neck, continuing to kiss his warm lips, whispering softly in his ear, and ultimately producing a moan from him deep and guttural.

"You've bewitched me." He whispered, as his hands that had been resting on her hips traveled up and down her sides continually, returning south again to make their transition beneath her soft, argyle sweater. It was then Hermione realized she'd worn a hideous bra, but between his kisses and the torturous play of his hands creeping higher and higher at her sides, she didn't care. When his hands finally made it to her breasts, she giggled, the skin around them so ticklish. The laughing made him stop for a second, until he delicately removed her top, forcing Hermione to shudder visibly, wanting nothing more than to take the rest off.

"You'll have to excuse this horrid bra, I'm too old for the fancy ones tarts wear nowadays." Hermione joked, lifting one of the straps and letting it snap against her skin; it was Severus's turn to shudder then, visibly blushing from his head to all the skin she could see.

"I'm not interested in your bra, my dear, not when the prize is so much sweeter than the wrapping." Instead of letting him pull away, Hermione pulled him closer, her mouth on his, her hands at his waist pulling his shirt out from his pants, his belt creating quit a barrier

"You have a stubborn belt; trying to keep unwanted guests away?" But before she could even finish her sentence, Severus had lost the belt and now looked as disheveled as any man who made out with his girlfriend on the kitchen counter. The shock of his quick attention displayed readily on Hermione's face.

"I have more tricks than that, if you're so impressed." It was then he motioned her to follow him, most likely to his bedroom, so Hermione took his hand, feeling ever the bashful almost middle-aged woman, and tried not to trip over her feet.

In his room, Severus whispered nox to the terribly bright light in the washroom and pulled her close to him again, his height now slightly a barrier to Hermione, so she slowly pushed him towards his bed, forcing him to sit and placing herself perfectly on his lap, straddling him as she had in the kitchen. In this position she was able to slowly unbutton his shirt, his heart thumped against her as she started.

"It's not pretty under there, you know." His words caused Hermione to pause, feeling slightly self-conscious herself. It made her worry that perhaps he would expect something spectacular from her body, which certainly had its own flaws.

"It's not so pretty under here either, but you know I've seen you sans shirt. That time in Carcavelos when you were stung by the jellyfish, we wrapped your leg with your shirt, so this is old hat. Now my body, it's produced two genetic Weasleys, so you'll have to forgive my hips and my baby pouch." She used words to try and comfort him, his obvious nervousness pervaded the room. Something between the kitchen and bedroom had made his resistance show. Hermione didn't want to push him further than he was comfortable and didn't want, for herself, to feel like they'd moved too fast. Both of them rested slightly at the exact moment, almost completely in sync.

"You are beautiful, I'd never want you to hide any part of you from me." She held him tightly then, her arms gently laced around his neck, playing with the hair at his collar.

"I'd never hide anything from you, ever. " with that he scooted back on the bed and lay her next to him, his leg gently resting across hers, her back flat on the mattress, and his shirt halfway unbuttoned.

"I can admire you more this way." He said between kisses on her collarbone, one hand resting under his chin and the other on the softness of her belly, slowly caressing her delicate skin. Distinctly she could feel her heart pounding harder and harder against her chest, wondering if she could possibly stand more before it finally gave way. Her own hand ran through his hair convincing her how much she liked being so close to him, being able to look into his eyes unabashedly. There were so many things she wanted to say, but her tongue was tied and she couldn't possibly form words. Were they moving too fast? Was this an appropriate step? What if he changed his mind and never wanted to see her again? Questions swirled in a chasm throughout her brain before he caught her in another passionate kiss. She didn't want to break the spell, but she also knew they had things to discuss before adding sex to their relationship.

"Severus, I've never been with anyone except Ron...I…" He immediately paused, of course she'd been a good girl, a faithful girl, one of the many endearing qualities she possessed.

"Do you expect me some wanton lothario?"

"No, I just don't want to disappoint you. I don't what to feel foolish." She explained, propping herself up and facing him exactly as he was.

"You could never disappoint me, Hermione, even if this was not part of our relationship. If you told me right now that it made you uncomfortable in any way, I'd live without it. You're more important to me than any sexual desire, although I have to admit, you are quite desirable." Beaming, Hermione felt relieved immediately.

"What if you wake up tomorrow and realize how pushy I am or how I always have to be right?"

"Realize? I already know that you're pushy and a savage knowitall, so that will come as no surprise to me. You should be more concerned about my ability to keep my hands off you." He tickled her then, in the exact spot above her hip and below her armpit where he'd made her giggle before. She struggled against him until finally she returned the favor, forcing him on his back.

"You have the best laugh." Moving herself under his arm and cuddling against him, Hermione traced the edge of his button-up shirt, slowly unbuttoning the rest of the buttons. His abdomen was hairless aside from a strip of hair at his waist.

"I don't plan on ever letting you go, Hermione. If you're worried at all about my commitment to you, please don't be; I may not seem like a man verbose in affections, but like you I feel deeply and I long for someone, you, to spend my life with.'" His words surprised her forcing her hand to stop and to turn his face to meet hers.

"Everyone deserves affection and devotion. I would be heartbroken if you did let me go." The thought alone almost brought her to tears, but seeing his reaction, his peace, she knew that she'd said and heard the things to calm her soul. Her insecurities melted away and gave way to the brave woman she normally was.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" She asked, kissing his chest before his mouth, watching his eyes roll back in their sockets.

"You are always welcome here. " With that they picked up where they'd left off, both free of their insecurities and unanswered questions. Both ready to move the relationship into a new realm.

The next morning, Snape smelled breakfast cooking before he opened his eyes. Finding Hermione in the kitchen and in his shirt gave him a distinct feeling of pleasure.

"Look who's finally awake." Hermione quipped, as his arms brought her into a warm embrace.

"You wore an old man out. My shirt looks nice on you, by the way." He poured his coffee and watched her trying not to burn the bacon and flipping the omelettes just so.

"I wish I didn't have to meet with Shacklebolt today, I'd much rather curl up with a book and you all day. Alas," She brought the plates to the table and sat with him, "I have to be a grown up." They ate quietly, both still processing their new professed feelings, seeing things in the bright light of the morning. Hermione felt a sense of peace and calm she hadn't known in years, just looking across the table at someone she'd spent so much time with, so many missions, and yet had no idea that someday they would be so intimately involved, sharing breakfast after spending their first night together. It dawned her suddenly that she should probably tell Ron about their relationship since she was certain they were serious about each other.

"I'm going to tell Ron about us." She said between bites of bacon and egg. "What do you think?"

"No sense in delaying the inevitable." His sheepish grin as he folded his napkin made her wish she could stay even more, but she couldn't. After cleaning up breakfast, she changed back into her clothing and gave him a kiss before apparating back to her home. In record time, she showered and changed for her meeting with Shacklebolt, but before she could use the floo, she saw Ron in the kitchen.

"Where were you last night?" Caustic and clearly accusatory, he tossed note he had been writing in the bin before shoving his chair into the table and coming to the door.

"I was out, not that it's your business. Are you my keeper?" She responded, just as curt and sharp as his tone.

"I was worried, I came home and the house was silent...you could've left a note." He truly had been worried, she could see it on his face, but it was too late for all of that. Concern and consideration had flown out the door years ago.

"I'm sorry I worried you, but Ron, we aren't married anymore. How was I to know you'd be home? You're rarely here. If it eases your mind, I will leave a note on the refrigerator, but honestly, it really isn't your concern. And now I am late for a meeting with the Minister, we can finish this discussion later, if you'll be here." With that, she dropped the floo powder and went directly to the Ministry.

Hours later, Hermione returned home forlorn and angry, but found Ron watching reruns of quidditch in the den, eating leftover chili and chips from a pub run. At first she didn't want to disturb him, to bring up the fight from the morning, but she knew she was ready to tell him about Snape and also about Shacklebolt's news regarding her new job or lackthereof.

"Ron, will you come with me to the kitchen?" Startled at first, he pushed the footrest of his lounger down and followed her.

"I've gotten some surprising news today," She started, sitting across from her ex-husband at a table where they'd eaten meals for years as a family.

"When I first reviewed the files about my time in Russia, I found it odd that a trial hadn't been scheduled for Poroshenko, but it didn't register because there was so much going on otherwise. I thought Shacklebolt was giving me my old job, the one with magical creatures, but instead he gave me required leave with pay until the trials are over. I am a key witness in the trial for Poroshenko and all of his lackeys."

"I'd heard they were moving him from Azkaban, but I didn't know if he would be under jurisdiction here."

"It's the Wizarding World court, I have to go to Sweden." She said, unable to hide her disappointment. The last thing she wanted was to be any nearer to Poroshenko or any of the guards of his prison. No doubt, she understood how serious the situation was and how desperately they needed her to seal the fate of someone who had the charisma and expertise to be as powerful as Voldemort or Grindelwald had been in their time.

"That being said, there is something else I need to tell you." Ron stopped her, immediately looking guilty.

"About earlier, I was a git. I was worried, but you're capable of being alone and you don't answer to me."

"It was inconsiderate of me not to leave a note, we do share this house and…" But he cut her off again.

"I'm seeing someone, actually, and I felt guilty when you came home. She'd Just left." Ron admitted, shock displayed on Hermione's face but turning to happiness and joy for him, to have found someone new.

"That is lovely, Ron, truly. I'm happy for you."

"It's Joanna." He said shyly, not meeting her eyes.

"My Joanna, Joanna Ware?" He nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yeah, when we were working together while you were in Russia, I don't know, we just kind of hit it off."

"Are you worried about having a relationship with someone who is in the field so often, I mean that's where most of our problems stemmed, aside from some general incompatibility." Her question was fair, but she could see that it hit a nerve in him.

"We haven't talked about that, not really, but so far it's been fine."

"Well that's good, I am happy for you, and I'm seeing someone as well." He didn't seem too surprised, but once she said his name, Hermione was sure he body language would change.

"It's Severus." Ron practically fell back in his chair uttering incomprehensible sounds, obviously in shock.

"Snape? Severus Snape? Our former professor, the guy you used to complain about incessantly?"

"Yes, and when the kids come home for summer holidays, I want to tell them. We agreed to wait to introduce our children to our spouses until we were sure it was serious, and it is." 'Quite serious' she thought, rubbing her hands together.

"But he's twenty years older than you, I mean, Hermione, he's old." She laughed thinking of the night before and the last word she would use to describe him was old.

"And Joanna is ten years younger than you, lech."

"But still, are you telling me all these years you've been working with him you've fancied him?"

"No! Not hardly." It wasn't entirely true, but Hermione knew her honor was in tact, they hadn't acted on their feelings until she was freed from Poroshenko's prison.

"And you want to tell Rose and Hugo?"

"Yes, when they get home from school. I'd like to invite Severus for a day while we're in Bath so the kids can be around him as more than their Uncle Harry's protector and Mum's colleague. You can invite Joanna, if you both feel comfortable with that." Ron's indignation had not calmed enough to seriously consider her words. She waited a moment more before considering leaving the table to have some tea.

"It's serious?" He finally asked, his annoyance displayed clearly.

"Yes, quite."

"And he might live here?" Laughing, she decided it was safe to make tea.

"Not tomorrow, but maybe someday in the future."

"All those letters?" Hermione turned to him, surprised he'd made the connection. She blushed a bit, thinking of all the lovely things he'd written her, how much he missed her, and wanted her safely returned.

"Mostly from Snape, mostly work correspondence. We didn't allow ourselves to cross the boundaries of propriety, Ron, I made a promise to you and I kept it." With that, he was settled, there was no convincing Hermione that Snape was not a good prospect and no use arguing or continuing the conversation in that vein.

"I hope you'll be happy, but I promise if he ever hurts you, I will kill him." With that, he was done. He pushed his chair in and went back to the den to continue watching his quidditch. She contemplated following him, but instead went upstairs to her room to write Severus a letter about her meeting with Shacklebolt and pack for Sweden. She was not looking forward to being so far away from Britain or the comforts of her home.


	14. Enough for Now

**AN:** Thank you, Marriage1988, for all of your reviews! I have a hard time, sometimes, with the fear that my characters aren't true to the vision of JKR, but we do take version of SS is one some think is OOC, but I hope it's not too much.

4 more chapters and an epilogue left. Thank you everyone who's read and followed. This was my first fanfic in ages and it broke my wirtrr's block/reignited my love for SS/HG and for HP fan fiction.

 **Chapter 14: Enough For Now**

The trials started a week after her meeting with Shacklebolt, but Hermione was no less prepared for them than had they been months prior. It took her days to get all her paperwork in order by defendant and then to prepare her testimony for Poroshenko himself. Luckily, Snape had been required to attend as well, so she had company most evenings after the trials concluded for the day. For the guards, everything had been cut and dry, they were all sentenced to life in prison without the chance of parole, except they'd be in Stockholm kept in a prison called the Pod, which looked exactly as it sounded, a cocoon of interlocking cells and passage ways, virtually impossible to escape. But as Hermione knew, no prison was completely safe.

In the evenings, Hermione and Snape ate dinner together in the hotel diner, which had fish most evenings and several delicious sides. They tried to avoid talking about the trial as much as possible, but some evenings they didn't have a choice, they had to prepare for the next day. After dinner, they often walked down to the shore to watch the boats sailing or just to get fresh air since being in the courtroom felt stifling all day. One evening, on such a stroll, they came across Ron and Harry arriving at the hotel for their deposition the following day concerning Poroshenko's right hand, Pavel Smirnov. Arm-in-arm with Snape, she noted immediately the surprise on both of their faces.

"Would you like to join us for coffee or tea? There's not much else at this time, unfortunately." Harry shook Snape's hand before handing their bags to a tall bellhop. It was obvious Ron was reluctant, but Harry agreed immediately.

"It was a bumpy port, I thought we'd end up in Finland by the time we finally made it." Harry explained as they wobbled to the dining area. Ron and Harry sat across from Hermione and Snape, all fidgeting like they'd never had a conversation before.

"Would you like tea, gentlemen?" The waitress asked, knowing Hermione and Snape's orders so well she rarely asked.

"I wouldn't mind something stronger." Ron finally spoke, knowing that this first interaction with Snape, since he'd found out his ex-wife was dating him, he would need some help to get him through. Even on a good day, it was hard for Ron not to see Snape as the same man he'd been in the classroom all those years ago.

"You know what, me too. Round of vodka, please, and bring the bitter lemon." Hermione added, noting that perhaps a little spirit would do them all good. Snape's raised brow made its first appearance.

"One round, it won't be like Orkney, I promise."

"Orkney?" Harry asked, curious about a mission Hermione hadn't talked about often. Surprisingly, Snape was the one to explain.

"Imagine Finnegan and Vance, a whole bottle into lagavulin when this one thinks it's a great idea to drink vodka she'd been given from a contact with bitter lemon. Four shots in, she was singing karaoke at the bar, no microphone, no music, and got us kicked out, but not before she almost destroyed all the bar stools trying to clean the place before we left."

"Don't forget you sang as well." Hermione chimed in, but Snape only stared blankly at her.

"I most certainly did not. You were the only one singing because Finnegan and Vance were passed out and I was corralling you before our faces were plastered all over the town and our mission failed." At this point Harry was laughing hysterically imaging an annoyed Snape trying to round up three drunk people, including one headstrong Hermione.

"To be a fly on the wall." Harry shot his vodka and bitter lemon as Hermione pushed Snape's arm.

"You make me sound like a drunken mess."

"We know you're the queen of rules, Hermione, but come on, it's fun to let go." Harry teased, pouring her another shot. The waitress had ignored Hermione when she asked for a round and instead brought them an entire bottle.

"You're quiet." She remarked to Ron as he took another shot. Harry prodded him, but Ron felt uncomfortable seeing Hermione and Snape getting on harmoniously. Somehow he'd hoped that things between them weren't as serious as Hermione had made it seem.

"Just ready to get this over with so we can go back."

"I'd do almost anything to not have to see Poroshenko again." Hermione added, her mind racing with annoyance and anxiety. Snape put his hand on hers and squeezed it tightly before simply letting it rest there, noting how quickly she seemed to relax and ignore the uncomfortable feeling of having to see someone so vile eyes remained locked as she tried to think about something else, anything else. She didn't even consider Ron in the moment or how seeing Snape's affection towards her might make him uncomfortable; she was so lost in her own feelings that it didn't even occur to her that Harry and Ron were even there, until Harry finally broke the spell.

"Ginny asked me to give you this, it's the first copy." Harry pushed the first copy of their new paper, _The Endeavor_ , which would be a monthly journal from important leaders in the community, arts, and other serious goings-on around Britain.

"She published my article?" Hermione's name was written in bold letters below the tagline, 'Constant Vigilance'. She'd been published before in _The Daily Prophet_ describing issues regarding magical law enforcement, but this was different.

"Wouldn't Moody be proud." Harry laughed, tipping his glass to her and drinking it in one go.

"But how did she even get it, it's been sitting on my desk for two years." And then she remembered her letterbox being askew and looked at Ron, who was avoiding her eyes methodically.

"Perhaps I saw it amongst some letters and gave it a read; it's brilliant, of course, I mean I had to let her read it, and look it's published now." Hermione splashed him with bitter lemon.

"If he hadn't, I would've." Snape said, coming to Ron's defense. She splashed him as well, causing them all to laugh.

"It's good to know you both snoop through my things." She added, splashing them both again..

"Now I have seen it all. Thousands of Hogwarts alumni would pay to do what you just did, Hermione." Harry joked, between laughs, almost choking on his last shot. They continued laughing for a bit until Hermione knew it was time to head to their room.

"Don't stay up too late, boys." Harry and Ron waved them off as Hermione and Snape walked towards the elevators.

"That went better than expected." She surmised, kissing him inside the elevator.

"Weasley needed a laugh, and you're welcome." His lips crushed hers, pushing her back against the wall of the elevator.

"Someday I want to hear you sing, Severus." Chuckling, he held her close as they walked to their room and refused to reply. It didn't take long for them to get comfortable, both just intoxicated enough to abandon all thoughts of the trial or Hermione's ex-husband, instead they were completely aligned, no awkward elbows or uncooperative clothing, and it was in that moment, buzzed but not drunk that Hermione realized she loved Severus.

The courtroom was packed, unlike the trials of the guards and lackeys, it unnerved Hermione briefly, until she spotted the people there to support her and instantly the true Gryffindor in her came out. When Poroshenko was brought into the room, Hermione refused to break eye contact with him, his blue eyes cold and menacing. Lawyers presented their opening statements and Hermione was called first, answering typical questions about her job, her role with magical law enforcement, and her knowledge of Poroshenko and his group. His lawyer was a snake, trying to trip her up by speaking in vague riddles, thankfully she was able to maintain her story, to focus on the torture and shame brought on by her time, her forced kidnapping and hostage situation. Each redundant question was met with her wounds, broken fingers, shoulder unable to completely rotate, and burns on her ankle. She refused to back down.

"Would you say that those injuries are the result of your lack of judgement, Ms. Granger, or do you suggest that my client inflicted those wounds." His lawyer was going for the kill.

"FIrstly, I am not on trial here, Sir, and I never said Poroshenko inflicted these wounds, but he ordered them and kept me in that prison for three months without following any of the statutes of the 23rd Vienna Convention wherein my leadership was not notified, to say the least." Hermione countered, answering without malice, staring boldly at Poroshenko the entire time. She was dismissed not long after, but remained in the courtroom to hear the rest of the testimony, noting the horrors that Poroshenko had committed across Europe, killing those resistant to his regime and anyone who got in his way. He'd also started collecting people for special missions to kill muggle children, as though no one would notice. Snape had remained at her side, never being called. The only surprise of the day was Viktor Krum being called, he hadn't been on the witness sheet so she was truly shocked when he entered the courtroom.

They questioned Viktor for over an hour both sides trying to show that he wasn't a credible witness. It was when they asked him about Hermione that she finally looked at him, this man she'd trusted for years, her first crush beyond Ron, the first kiss she'd ever known, and most importantly, the first man to appreciate her intellect. It was almost unbearable listening to him detail being contacted by Pavel Smirnov and going to the prison, leaving the money in hopes she would be set free, but also admitting they knew his family had ties to Poroshenko. When he was dismissed, Hermione left the courtroom, unable to hear another word about the event. At this point, she was worried they might give Poroshenko a lighter sentence because it was his minions who had done the brutal work, Poroshenko only orchestrating the events. Snape followed her out, helping her to a water fountain and then to rest on a bench.

"What if they don't convict him?" She theorized, wiping her eyes and trying to stop her tears.

"They have to, there's too much evidence against him. But, worst case scenario, we'll make your home a safe house with the same enchantments as Grimmauld Place. I honestly doubt he'd step one foot out of this courthouse before someone would take him out, Hermione, please don't fret." He held her tightly against him, trying to help her feel the ease and comfort of knowing that soon Poroshenko would be gone, if not dead.

"Thank you for being with me." She whispered, wiping her eyes one more time. Ron and Harry came out of the courtroom about thirty minutes later, both looking shocked.

"That freak actually testified," Ron paused, "he had the bollocks to say he was doing the world a favor. If they don't kill him, I will." Hermione laughed at Ron's righteous indignation and hoped he was right. Before she could ask them what else he'd said, Shacklebolt walked out of the courtroom.

"They've sentenced him already." HIs tone was solemn, but Hermione knew by the look in his face that the case had gone in their favor. It didn't matter to her exactly what they did to Poroshenko now, she just didn't want to see or deal with him ever again.

"That was fast!" Harry called out, helping Hermione stand so they could leave. As Shacklebolt spoke with Snape, Harry and Ron started walking with her towards the exit, but she heard Shacklebolt say, 'execution' and knew that it would finally be the end of her old job, her fulfilling but dangerous job. It took everything she had not to collapse in joy. Snape didn't catch up with them until they were in the hotel, she was already packing when he came in.

"It's done." Was all he said and she knew that Poroshenko was dead. As soon as he was next to her, she collapsed into his arms, forcing them both onto the bed. In that moment, she didn't want to let him go, even for a second. If she could've made a cocoon of his body around hers, she would've.

"Can we go somewhere before I go back to work? Do you think St. Mungos will give you time?" She pleaded, not wanting to return to reality too soon.

"It will be no problem. Where would you like to go?" He asked, tracing her collarbone with his thumb.

"Skye." Her hushed word met his lips before he consumed her, softly pulling her further back onto the bed and unbuttoning her robes. He nodded in acquiescence, his hand traveling across the flesh peeking out above her cotton shirt down her sides.

"I love you, Severus." He stopped, surprised at her words. Hermione couldn't hold it back another moment, he had to know how she felt before they returned and went about their regular lives. Each day in Russia, she thought of him, how strong he'd been all those years and how much he had sacrificed not only for Harry but for all of them, including for her for over eleven years. Even if he couldn't say it in that moment, she at least wanted him to know the depth of her feelings.

"I love you as well, Hermione." And what should've been the one of the worst days of her life had suddenly become one of the best.


	15. A Whiter Shade of Pale

**Thank you, Marriage1988 and Huffpride for your reviews! This is the longest fic I've written to date and it means a lot for it to be enjoyed!**

 **Chapter 15: A Whiter Shade of Pale**

Their vacation in Skye righted all that had been troublesome before coming home to England. Hermione went back to work with the creatures division and though she had more paperwork, no one trying to kill her on the regular. As spring gave way to summer, Ron and Hermione found themselves at King's Cross to pick up their children.

"Mum you look so thin!" Rose exclaimed as they weaved through people to get to their car. After giving each of them a huge hug, Hermione loaded their luggage in the trunk and put Bertie, Hugo's owl, between their seats.

"How were the OWLS?" Ron asked, starting the car and starting their journey back to their home.

"I feel confidant about Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts, but not so much in Potions or Muggle Studies." Hugo snickered.

"Our Mum is muggleborn, how hard could it be?"

"Be that as it may, Hugo, but it's still a tough OWL test. I'm sure you did very well, Rose, we're so proud of you." Hermione patted Rose's leg from the front seat as they rounded a corner into a roundabout. The rest of the drive was all concerned on Bath and their annual Granger-Weasley vacation. She wanted them to have a bit of normal before she told them about Severus.

"Tomorrow, Meme and Papa Granger will be here and we'll leave for Bath around noon, then Granny and Gramps will come as usual, but Dad and I are also bringing someone for one day at the beach in Lyme." Hermione explained, as she did every year, just expecting more questions.

"No great surprises this year, like we're moving to Spain or anything?" Rose asked sarcastically.

"No, dear, just Dad and I have both started dating new people, important people that we feel you both should meet. They will only be with us one day, though." Rose rolled her eyes, but Hugo seemed neutral, as he usually was when it came to things that signaled change, willing to wait to make an opinion until all the facts were available.

"Fun." Rose remarked, taking her things up the stairs. Hermione followed her this time, unable to let Rose be too angry.

"Can I help you unpack?" Hermione asked, looking at Rose's rarely clean room.

"If you want." Hermione forced another hug on her daughter, seemingly getting taller by the minute. She felt Rose soften in her arms and the soft sniffle of tears.

"What's wrong, poppet?"

"I just...I'm so glad you're home, you're here. I thought you were going to die and you had so much medicine, you weren't you when we were here, you didn't even snip at me about my new ear piercing." Rose said, pointing to her upper ear. Hermione grabbed a tissue and wiped Rose's eyes.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Rose. I was so worried I would never see you again and that you and Hugo would eat processed pasta for the rest of your lives. There've been so many changes, I know that, but it'll be smooth sailing from here, I promise." They hugged again and Hermione helped Rose unpack all her school things, replacing robes and school uniforms for muggle clothes and sneakers. She cherished moments when she could connect with her lovely girl.

Helen and Jack Granger arrived promptly at twelve to gather the children in their car while Hermione and Ron rode in Hermione's car, making the annual trip to Bath. It was the least talking Hermione and Ron had done on any car trip they'd ever taken, but it was a nice break for Hermione, who wanted the sleep. The last year and a half has tried her body and soul and she wanted the vacation more than she realized up till they'd gotten on the road. She also looked forward to Severus being around Rose and Hugo in a different way; they'd of course been around him numerous times, but knowing that their mum loved him would be a new concept for all of. Having Joanna around would be a good buffer as well.

"You've slobbered on your my seat belt, Hermione. " Ron said, putting the car in park and rousing Hermione from sleep. Looking around, she immediately felt the calm of their vacation home. Helen and Jack pulled up beside them with the kids before they all ran inside, claiming their bedrooms and getting ready for a walk to their favorite gelato place.

Later that evening, Hermione and Helen took wine to the portico and watched as the sun set.

"I wish you could stay until Thursday, Mum, Severus has so wanted a rematch in chess."

"I'm sure he does, but he'll have to wait until August since your father and I will be in India all summer. You're still going?" Hermione nodded, she needed to center again and to find her silence.

" We should've gone there instead of Skye, but it was so lovely to be in Scotland again." Helen finished her wine and poured another, refilling Hermione's glass as well. Obviously working up to ask her a question, but instead she let the silence spread between them, choosing instead to let her daughter make her own decisions.

After the children, Helen, and Jack departed for Stonehenge and left Hermione and Ron to their own devices, Hermione decided on a leisurely stroll through Bath. With a free day, Hermione decided to go to the Jane Austen Center and then to get her hair trimmed before having to be on the beach for several days. It was the first day in a while where in her solitude she was completely comfortable. Returning again to the gelato place, she savored a sweet pistachio and watched as people walked by, enjoying their own vacations in Bath. Before returning to their vacation house, Hermione went to the baths and drank the restorative water. Sometimes she wondered how much good it did her, especially when the taste was so awful. Her walk back was lovely, each step reminding her of vacations past and the joy of watching her family grow. But, true to the weather of Bath, it started to rain before she made it home, soaking her through in no time.

"Forget your umbrella?" Ron quipped as she walked through the door, drenched. Hermione cast a drying spell once inside, which served to dry everything but her hair.

"Did Mum call?" She asked, dropping her shopping totes on the table.

"Yeah, an hour ago. Rose and Hugo are helping restore some new village exhibit by moving hay. They'll be back in the morning." Hermione remembered trips like that with her parents, always a task. And though it had frustrated her as a kid, she knew it gave her a servant's heart. Running up to her room, she penned a quick letter to Severus about the trip thus far and also told him how much she was looking forward to seeing him on Thursday. Harlow flew off in her typical speed,'perhaps I should've sent Bertie', Hermione thought.

Joanna arrived first bright and early Thursday morning as they packed the car for Lyme. Suddenly, Hermione was glad they'd borrowed her parents van to fit everyone and their beach necessities. It was easy for Hermione to welcome Joanna, though they only worked together briefly, they still had more in common than most women she pictured Ron dating, and for that she was thankful. When Severus arrived, wearing the first non-dark outfit she'd ever seen him in, Hermione nearly lost it in a giggling fit. His khaki pants looked nice on him, but it was the orange seersucker shirt that had caught her most off-guard. It surprised Ron as well, as he came down the stairs with the last of the suitcases.

"Woah, Snape!" He coasted by him before saying anything else, but Hermione tried to counter any possible embarrassment on Snape's part by giving him a big hug.

"The kids are already in the car. Did you see Joanna on your way in?" He nodded no and then followed her out as they scrambled to the car.

"Alright, folks, we have an hour before we stop. Anyone need the loo?" No hands went up so Ron started the van and started off towards Lyme. Rose and Hugo were silent at first, though it was obvious that Rose wanted to ask both Severus and Joanna some questions.

"Mum, when do OWL scores usually come? Professor Longbottom said he couldn't remember." Hermione, Snape, and Ron all notably sighed before Hermione turned around to her daughter.

"Usually the first of August honey, but if Professor Longbottom submitted them, it might be September." Laughing, she patted her daughter's leg.

" I don't want to wait that long, it's impossible. What if I got troll for all of them?"

"Maybe she's more like you than I thought." Severus whispered, still sitting as though at any moment he might self-combust.

"Maybe Professor Snape can help you with potions, Rose. Remember he showed me how to make the pepperup potion when Mum came home." Hugo advised, Hermione's eyes snapping to Snape's in question.

"He was curious and quite helpful."

"He was barely twelve." She countered.

"Professor Hornbuckle says I should be a healer someday or a potions master, do you think I could do that, Mum?" Hugo asked, being far more talkative than Hermione ever dreamed he would be.

"Of course, Hugo, you can be whatever you set your mind to. I'm glad Professor Hornbuckle thinks you have potential." She heard Rose audibly snort and then silence herself.

"So, Joanna, how are Seamus and Denis? Seamus has been so busy he hasn't answers my owl."

"He really is busy, we're working on some blunder of Mundungus Fletcher's son, Paolo. I'll make sure to remind him to write back." Hermione smiled thinking of Seamus. She missed the old team, but she definitely didn't miss having to possibly risk her life through their missions.

The remainder of the ride was smooth, Hermione and Snape talked about his reassignment to strictly providing potions and the kids quietly read, in Hugo's case, or drew pictures, in Rose's case. Once the reached the shore, Ron and Snape immediately put up the tent while the kids and ladies helped bring supplies to the waterfront. It was going so smoothly, Hermione kept waiting for the breakdown or problem to arise. After casting repeated skin protection spells on the kids, Hermione watched as Rose and Hugo ran to water, as cold as it was. She knew they'd wait about an hour before making any snacks, so she set up chairs for the four adults and poured lemonade into swirly fun glasses. Handing Severus's his, she instinctively leaned down to kiss him.

"Thank you for coming." She said quietly to Snape as they drank lemonade and enjoyed the shoreline. "I know this wouldn't be considered your favorite vacation spot."

"It's a nice day, nothing to complain about here." He replied, taking her hand in his. Joanna and Ron were talking quietly as well. Through her dark sunglasses, she watched how they interacted and it was clear that Joanna truly fancied Ron.

"I think you're Hugo's hero now."

"He reminds of myself at that age, capable and curious, and he listens, so much more than some people I taught. I do wish he wouldn't refer to me as 'Professor Snape' though, I haven't been a professor for twenty years."

"I'm sure he'll think of something else to call you, he loves giving people nicknames." With that Snape made a face she knew all too well.

"Perhaps 'Professor Snape' isn't so bad, then." Their tent was a perfect shaded spot and also shield from muggles around if they needed to use magic. As they day continued, the kids built sand castles with Ron and Joanna as Hermione and Severus made a late lunch of ham and cucumber sandwiches and crisps Ron had picked up; the children devoured their's and went back to their sand castles, trying to win an unofficial competition with their father. Before dinner, Snape showed Hugo how to properly fly a kite, thankful the sun had dipped behind the clouds for long enough so they weren't blinded trying to see it take flight. As usual, Hugo was a quick study and it made Hermione happy to see Hugo absorbed in so many activities that didn't involve studying.

"Now you're really his hero." She whispered to Snape, her hand resting on his arm. If anyone had asked her years before if she could ever see Snape having a pleasant day with two children, she would've thought they were crazy. Of course, she knew the effort was for her and that he would never be one of those people who doted over children.

"I play to my strengths and his. It's Rose who might take longer convincing." Snape remarked, pointing to her sitting with Joanna and looking through the Quibbler and laughing. They had already slipped into an easy understanding, but finding a connection with someone so much older than her and also associated with school.

After dinner they walked to the boardwalk for treats to round a pretty fantastic day, knowing it would feel like a long drive home. Rose and Hugo opted for fairy floss and the rest for caramel apples, which proved messier than they'd thought.

"Perhaps we should've thought this one through, Ron. Didn't we get these a couple years back and you lost half of your tooth." Hermione remembered, trying to slice her apple with the knife they'd brought for their chicken dinner.

"I bit right into a seed, it was bitter. I forgot all about that."

"I've never had one of these before." Snape added, his hands covered in sticky caramel.

"You've never had a caramel apple?" Rose teased, finishing off her fairy floss and getting napkins for the adults.

"Not even close."

"Well we're lucky Meme and Papa aren't here because they wouldn't let us have any of it, even if it's your first. You should try the candy one next year, with maltesers, that one is the best." Hermione nodded in agreement, thankful Rose was warming slightly to Severus, even though she knew it would take a while before her children really understood the magnitude of their parents dating other people and possibly making them permanent family members.

Walking back to the car, Hermione took Snape's hand, her other arm around Hugo. It really had been a fabulous day and she was so thankful to have Snape with her. That he would endure a Weasley vacation for her assured her how much he cared.

"Enjoy the rest of your vacation, Rose and Hugo, I'll see you in a couple weeks, Ron." Joanna waved to Hermione and Snape before getting into her car, which surprised Hermione who hadn't known Joanna was a muggleborn, and left. Snape said goodbye to the children and Ron, but walked with Hermione to the side of the vacation home so he could apparate out of the view of the other vacationers. Taking her in his arms, he bent down to give her kiss her before going.

"Tell me today wasn't horrible." Hermione begged, kissing him again.

"It could've been worse, the entire Weasley clan wasn't here and the sun was kind." He replied, holding her tightly against him. "It's not going to happen in a day, but this was a nice easing in, I'd say." He added before kissing her once again and preparing to leave. She was suddenly overcome with emotions, wanting him to be able to stay, wanting her children to accept him as her spouse, and wanting so much more to never have to say goodbye to him again. In a crack, he was gone and she sojourned into the house, cuddled with her children to settle for the evening, and hoped when Molly and Arthur arrived, the vacation continued as smoothly.


	16. Taking Chances

**Chapter 16: Taking Chances**

Hermione and Severus didn't see much of each other after Bath aside from the odd evening when the kids were with her parents or the Weasleys as Ron had been sent to Spain with Harry. Sometimes when the day felt like it was droning on and on, Hermione would pop over to St. Mungos and watch Snape make potions through a tiny window at this door and wait until it was his break. The time between Bath and Harry's birthday party seemed to her completely devoid of all the companionship she'd previously shared with Severus, causing her to worry something had happened that she either didn't know about or hadn't registered. At first, when she'd noticed the change, she didn't quite know how to bring it up but then decided that things would return to normal once they went to India in August. Yet, she still carried it on her heart like a war wound.

For Harry's party, Ron and Joanna took the children and Hermione followed with gifts and brooms, other things for the kids to do while the adults ate and caught up. She'd thought Snape would go with her, but she hadn't heard back from him when she'd sent the invite, so she went alone. Hours passed in happy celebrating, wishing Harry into his forties with a bash unrivaled by any of their parties throughout the year.

"Hermione, where's Snape?" Ginny asked, as they cut up the fruit for the dessert.

"I honestly don't know, he never replied to my owl. At first I didn't know if Ron and Harry would even be back in time, so the invite went out late." Ginny noted the dejected look on Hermione's face and wondered if perhaps Snape was having second thoughts.

"Maybe I pushed him too far, inviting him to our family vacation? Maybe it was too much, I mean we are a laugh but it can be overwhelming to be with us sometimes." She admitted, losing her concentration and slicing right into her finger.

"Drat! That really hurts." Her voice rang through the kitchen, echoing into the other rooms and outside. Harry ran in, thinking one of the children has hurt themselves.

"What happened?"

"I cut my stupid finger. Can you fix it, please." Hermione held out her hand while Harry cast a quick spell to stop the bleeding and another to close the wound.

"You'll need a potion for infection." Ginny remarked, a hint of playfulness in her voice, but Hermione was too focused on her finger to notice. Instead she left the chopping to Ginny and Joanna and went to watch Rose, Hugo, and their cousins playing quidditch. The air cooled as the sun descended, making her sleeveless arms covered in goosebumps each time she got a slight chill.

"Here, Mum, you can have my jacket." Rose took a seat next to her, watching as her Uncle Harry shot fireworks into the sky in varying shapes and sizes, and wrapping her mum in her jacket. It was always the perfect end to the evening, that and the toasted marshmallows.

"Did Mr. Snape get invited?" Her precocious daughter asked, leaning her head on her mother's shoulder, obviously looking at Teddy, helping Harry pick out the fireworks.

"Yes, honey, but I'm sure he's busy at the hospital. We'll see him soon."

"He's not so bad, you know, he isn't like Dad describes him sometimes." Rose's voice was soft, her eyes almost closing.

"Well, we knew him as a very different person a long time ago, he was often cruel to us, but he was doing a very hard job. Hugo was right, you know, Severus could help you with potions if you'd like, he can be patient when he needs to be." Hermione believed her words wholeheartedly, but also wanted him to be present. She needed to know he was willing to be part of their lives.

"Do you love him?" Rose asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Yes, poppet, very much." Hermione answered, pulling Rose closer to her and smoothing her sweet, red hair. She could see Ron and Joanna sitting together by the fire, he was telling her a joke and she laughed, but in a real way, not just stroking his ego. It made her happy and jealous, if only for a second. It brought back all the feelings of wanting to please him, to love him without expectations, but being unable.

"How do you know you love someone?" She'd never been asked so many questions from her daughter, but Hermione knew that Rose's infatuation with Teddy Lupin had just grown stronger throughout the years.

"Well, it's different for everyone. But, a good general rule is you love being with them, even if you don't talk or have much going on, and you think about them when you make decisions, making sure to include them. They become part of your family and you want to be around them, to include them in the things you enjoy and they enjoy. It's more complicated than that, obviously, but that's a start."

"Do you think Teddy will ever love me?" Rose pondered, staring at him again.

"I don't know, poppet, but he'd be a fool not to...not that you can date, young lady, for a long time." Hermione joked, snuggling Rose close to her. They both laughed and watched as Harry sent that last of the fireworks up and waited for the explosion. It was glorious, as usual. Rose and Hugo opted to stay with Harry and Ginny for a sleepover and Ron and Joanna went to her house, leaving Hermione to go back to the house alone. More than anything she wanted to find that she was overthinking things and that nothing was actually wrong.

Several days later, when she still hadn't heard from Severus, Hermione decided to send him another owl, but didn't get a response. It was all so unlike him, or at least unlike the man she'd come to know since Todd Vance had passed. Noting her finger was not healing properly, she went to St. Mungos and was proud of herself for not stopping by the labs. If he needed space, she would give him space. On her way out, she did stop to see the portrait they'd commemorated of Madame Pomfrey and then started out the front door, thinking perhaps a walk or ride to the Ministry would do her good. She was surprised when she felt a tug of her sleeve and turned to see Seamus Finnegan and his toothy grin.

"Bless me soul, it's Granger." He pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her so hard she audibly gasped. "I was just on me way to see Snape, have you seen him?"

"No I had to have my finger looked at." She replied, hoping to avoid seeing Snape or causing a scene.

"Well, come on then, I'm sure he's dying to see his girl." Seamus walked with her to the laboratory and waiting for Snape to come out. He immediately noted her bandaged finger and Seamus ridiculous grin.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" His sarcasm dripped from every word, though a small grin broke across his mouth.

"Just got in from the field, thought I'd get checked out. Do you have a minute? I know you'll ask fewer questions. " Snape nodded and walked in the direction of his office, but Hermione didn't follow, suddenly she felt miffed and didn't feel like entertaining either of them.

"Have fun, gentlemen." If it was possible over their raucous catching up, Hermione's tone, overwhelmed with sarcasm, caused both men to pause. She left them in the hallway, noting an odd look from Seamus and an even odder one from Snape. Perhaps when he wanted to clear the air, he would find her. As far as she was concerned, the ball was in his court.

After returning to work, Hermione filed the remaining paperwork and looked over some legislation she was working to get passed regarding lycanthropy and didn't notice that it was already seven in the evening. Packing up her satchel, she turned off all the lights and left her office, walking to the elevators. Seeing him had plagued her entire day; why was he being so standoffish?

Once home, she heated some tomato soup and toasted a few slices of bread before settling down in Ron's recliner to watch a movie, though it wasn't really holding her attention, nothing seemed to stop the never-ending chasm of thought that was her brain. Finishing her soup, she poured a glass of wine and went up the stairs, noting how empty and dark the house was save for a small glow from Ron's room. Perhaps he was home with Joanna. She didn't let that thought take precedence over her own ridiculous thoughts, reminding herself that she'd chosen to create the plan wherein they remained in their home until Hugo graduated. Maybe they needed some kind of signal downstairs, to alert the other that there were guests over. 'I'll deal with that in the morning', she thought, turning her knob and entering the sanctuary of her room. It was then she noticed Harlow was gone and remembered she hadn't seen her tawny owl for at least a week, which was extremely odd. Deciding that she couldn't go to sleep straight away, Hermione ran a bath and soaked, her eyes filling with tears as she tried to relax. She felt increasingly stupid by the minute.

After a good, long soak, Hermione toweled off and upon opening her door, found one Severus Snape sitting on her sofa, practically asleep. Her tears hadn't stopped for most of the duration of her bath, so she was sure her nose was red and her face puffy.

"What are you doing here and for how long?" She asked, taking the towel holding her hair up out and trying to dry it. He looked alarmed at her tone.

"About an hour; you ran off this afternoon and I was worried. You haven't answered any of my owls, I was starting to worry about you. " Dumbfounded, Hermione dropped her towel.

"I haven't answered your owls? I've answered all of them and even sent you invitations to things, like Harry's birthday party and you didn't come. Rose asked about you, yeah Rose." He looked as perturbed as she felt, both accusing the other of the same thing.

"I never received anything about Potter's birthday and I invited you to coffee three different times and you didn't show." With that she sat on the bed across from him, realizing that poor Harlow had probably been overworked or something had happened as their communication had been so terribly messed up. Tears fell harder suddenly making her feel silly for second-guessing Severus, seeing how exacerbated he was. They'd thought the same things about each other for weeks, just hadn't trusted the other to say something.

"Well now I feel like silly fool; I've been crying all evening like a teenager," She said, pausing, "I thought you'd changed your mind." He reached for her hands, so soft from her warm bath.

"We've learned a lesson about owls for sure." He replied, running his thumbs over her knuckles as he normally did. "I hate that you were worried, I promise I grow more attached to you daily. I did want to make sure you were free to spend as much time with Hugo and Rose as you liked, but not to push you away." He kissed her hands and pulled her over to him, her bathrobe gentle against his skin.

"You're so thoughtful." Kissing him, she sensed them both ease noticeably she she sat across his lap, her legs dangling into the sofa. It took a moment for her to realize how easily her robe fell from her body, but she didn't mind so much as his hand traveled up her leg and rested on her thigh momentarily, before traveling further up to rest squarely on her hip. It had been weeks since she'd been able to be as close with him and she wasn't letting a moment pass.

"Do you have anywhere to be early in the morning?" He asked, playing with the belt of her robe.

"Not particularly, but I think Ron and Joanna are here, so we should probably cast a silencing spell." Without hesitation, Snape cast _muffliato_ as Hermione stood, untying her robe, letting it drop and inviting him to bed. It was much like the first time, reestablishing their comfort levels, but just as rewarding. Though she couldn't sleep cocooned in his arms all night, she did enjoy a post-coitus snuggle, especially when he propped a leg over hers.

"I love you, old man." She teased, pulling his arms across her as they spooned, slowly massaging his hand as she held it with hers.

"I love you more, cheeky temptress." She turned off the rest of the lights using wandless magic and looked forward to sleep with her brooding man.

The next morning, Hermione woke slowly, her eyes adjusting to light streaming through her window, still no Harlow. She felt behind her to the other side of the bed, but Snape was nowhere to be found. Putting appropriate lounge clothes on, she tied her bathrobe around her waist and slowly walked down the stairs, smelling the distinct scent of black pudding and bacon.

"This is the last bit of bacon." She heard Ron call out, as she rounded the corner to the dining room, where Joanna and Snape were sitting and discussing Seamus while Ron toasted from bread and brought it into the dining room.

"Last one up washes dishes." He called out, recalling their old rule regarding morning breakfast clean up. She smiled and nodded before kissing Snape's cheek and taking a seat next to him. It was odd being being around Ron and Joanna noting their evening proclivities as evidenced by Ron's strange hair, which only ever appeared that way after a night of sex.

"Don't forget Albus, James, and Lily are coming over tonight with Rose and Hugo and maybe even Victoire, Dominique, and Louis, if Fleur let's them." Hermione said as Ron and Snape's eyebrows shot straight up, a house full of Weasleys and Potter.

"I'm ordering pizza and getting some salad for Dominique and Victoire since Fleur doesn't allow them to eat pizza unless it's 'French' pizza." They all snorted, except Joanna who didn't know Fleur or her particular brand of eccentricities.

"You wouldn't want to stay and help me corral them, would you?" Hermione asked Severus whose mouth was conveniently full of black pudding. Ron avoided her eyes as well, cramming his mouth full of beans and toast.

"Come on, Severus, Hugo will be pleased to see you and Rose."

"Somehow this evening sounds worse than being stuck in the Sahara with Seamus and the camels who wouldn't stop spitting in our faces while we tried to sleep. "

"I don't recall that mission."

"You wouldn't; you and Todd were invited to stay with the imam while Seamus and I slept in the barn. But for you, I can make it through an evening of Weasley and Potter children. Maybe that's what all those years as a spy, being cruciod for information or stunned, was preparing me for." Ron and Hermione laughed heartily, unable to really contradict him.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." Realizing how sexual it sounded, Hermione immediately blushed, but Ron, Severus, and Joanna all had another good laugh before they carried their plates to the kitchen for Hermione to wash. Ron and Joanna went to the den to watch quidditch and Severus remained behind to help her.

"You don't have to help, Ron and I made this rule after Rose was born because neither of us wanted to do the dishes." He rinsed the dishes after she washed, placing them on the drying towel.

"You know there are spells for this, right?"

"Of course, I just think they feel cleaner this way." She blew soap bubbles towards him then catching him in a quick kiss.

"You really don't have to stay tonight, the kids are pretty self-sufficient now that they're all at Hogwarts. Mostly, it's just extremely noisy."

"I don't mind, honestly, I meant it when I agreed that your children are part of the package, I guess by extension the Weasley and Potter kids are too."

"Well, you're free to all the wine you'd like as long as you fill my glass, too." And without missing a beat, Hermione heard the door open and a herd of children ran through the door, up the stairs to all the guest rooms that would finally get use.

"It's started." He grumbled. Severus did have to return to Spinner's end for clothes and toiletries, but returned quickly, placing his things on the left side of Hermione's bathroom vanity.

"I made space for you in there." She said, pointing to the closet, and a separate set of drawers.

"That way you can leave things here, if you'd like, though I would definitely like to spend more time at Spinner's End- I still haven't seen your study."

"That's right, we were a bit preoccupied last time." She curled her arms around his waist, pulling him close and standing on her tiptoes, hearing the crash of something loud and sounding like glass broke them from their moment.

"We can get preoccupied later, but for now, I must watch these hellions. How does Molly do this?" He kissed her quickly and went to shower and change while she handled the brood downstairs. Luckily, he missed the broken sliding door, a broom fight between Louis and Albus, but he did make it down in time to hear Rose and Victoire talking about Teddy in tones he hadn't heard since his days at Hogwarts, the lovesick sounds of young girls, giggling and teasing, it made him shudder.

That evening, after all the children drowned themselves in pizza and soda, they settled in to games, specifically chess for Hugo and James and other Weasley Wizarding Wheezes from their Uncle George. Hermione cleaned the parts of the house where the kids had come through, but knew it was no use until they were all gone in afternoon the next day. When she finally felt like they wouldn't burn the house down, she and Snape went upstairs to have some quiet and calm after along day wrangling children.

"Thank goodness I only had two, and Ron had to beg me for Hugo." She exclaimed as they both sat on the sofa in her room, more mentally than physically exhausted.

"Beg, huh?"

"Yeah, I was happy with Rose, honestly…" She paused for a while, trying to think of the right words, "I didn't want children at all, not after everything with Hogwarts and my job, it was so dangerous, but Ron was adamant."

"Well at least your children are half Granger, it seems to have had a positive effect." He defended, thinking of the Potter children.

"You're saying that because you don't have to teach them."

"I suppose you're right, but as someone who's taught thousands of children, at least Rose and Hugo are respectful and generally pleasant, they aren't rude or arrogant, my godson was a nightmare at their age." It suddenly dawned on Hermione that he was speaking of Draco and she felt physically ill for a moment, all the aggravation of being picked on by him and his cronies boiled to the surface, but then she looked at her love and saw a sad expression crossed his face.

"We aren't on speaking terms, unfortunately." He added, as she pulled his arm around her, wanting to comfort him.

"If it makes you better, I'm not on speaking terms with him either." He smiled, but she could see it bothered him to have a complicated relationship with Draco, the boy he'd saved just as much as he'd saved Harry Potter.

"I know I have asked you before, but if we'd gotten together at an appropriate age, like not when I first left school I guess, of course, do you think you'd feel differently about children...like our own children?" Hermione didn't know why she asked, it was an odd lingering thought in the back of her subconscious. Maybe her reluctance to have children stemmed from being encouraged incessantly by Molly Weasley...maybe if she'd married Snape originally, she would've wanted children with him. In her mind, she imagined a boy with his dark eyes and her brown hair, tall and brooding but scholastic like Hugo and funny like Rose.

"I suppose with the right person and circumstances, I would've been more inclined, but like you, I worried about my profession too much and also what kind of parent I would have been, having had such terrible examples. I guess I'll get a small sense of parenting with your children, but only briefly and rarely do I think I would've had one of my own, and only with you, no one else in my life...except Lily but it was too late for that." He replied, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his temples.

"It was a silly thought. Come with me, let's have a shower; lock the door, please." He acquiesced and followed her to the washroom, locking her bedroom door, and feeling the weight of the day washing off of both of them.

It took hours for the kids to really settle, Hermione heard snickering from Rose's room most of the night until she and Severus finally fell asleep. She watched him for a while, facing her, his face as peaceful as the first time she'd watched him sleep in such a way, and she didn't want to sleep. His hair was still short, shorter than the first time he'd cut it, and she loved the way it felt between her fingers, so she rolled towards him, cradling him in her arms and ran her fingers continuously through his hair, trying to soak in every second before he would have to leave the next day. It was moments like this she wished he never had to leave.


	17. Love Remains the Same

**Chapter 17: Love Remains the Same**

She dropped Rose and Hugo off at the Weasley's for her time in India since Ron would be gone during the week as well. She hated leaving them, but she knew that she needed to deal with what happened in Russia before she started relapsing into nightmares and delusions. This time on the train, Hermione and Snape transfigured their bunks into one, making it easier to spend the ride in comfortable closeness. Hermione propped her head with a small pillow and read while Severus pretended to rest, obviously reading over her shoulder, sometimes making a noise if she turned the page too quickly. Her parents had been in India for two weeks before they arrived and she looked forward to seeing them, even if they were always so busy while they were working,making it so they spent little time together.

The first day at the ashram, Hermione did not see her guru. Instead, she was instructed to attend yoga twice and to continue with her regular chores, praying and meditating before bed. It felt odd to sleep alone as she'd grown used to her grumpy man, who pushed and pulled her away all night. Her dreams were vivid while in India, they always were, but they weren't terrifying, instead they were pleasant, so hyper-realistic that she felt like they'd happened when she awoke.

Following her washing on the fourth day, Hermione was sure she would see the guru, but again she was not asked. She, instead, returned to the main temple to pray and meditate, falling asleep and waking as the sun came up. Finally, her guru found her amongst the washing and walked with her from the area where they normally did chores to a small temple she'd never been to, which proved to be a steep climb for her shoeless feet.

"You have many new scars." He finally said, observing her feet and hands, the burns of her ankles, and inability to move her arms as well as she did before, and the soreness of her neck.

"I was badly hurt at the end of last year." It was all she could muster before he placed his hands on hers, the smell of incense wafting around them, almost hypnotizing her.

"How has your mind been since?" He asked, taking his hands and running them from her shoulders down to her fingertips over and over again.

"Surprisingly clear, I keep waiting for things to happen again, like they did before, but it hasn't."

"Close your eyes." He commanded, his hands still on her shoulders, and she heard a soft humming chant, the smell of the incense intensified, and she was transported. Her mediation took her immediately to silence, she saw no vision, felt no emotions, and it was the freest she'd felt since the first time she achieved that kind of peace. There was no way to know how much time had passed, instead she enjoyed the quiet, nothingness of her mind. When he finally, but slowly, woke her, she saw Severus sitting on the other side of her, being awoken as well. At no point during her mediation did she sense a shift in the atmosphere around her or even the presence of another body. Her expressive face and wondering eyes led the guru to speak.

"You have both suffered greatly but in your partnership, I hope you will lean on each other, make the other an important part of continual recovery, and most of all, if you need to walk a different path, that you are honest and open, and do so together. Be a gift to each other, constantly unfolding." His words confused Hermione at first, making her look to Severus who still had his eyes closed, as though he hadn't been completely roused from his sleep. Their hands were entwined with two simple mandala prayer necklaces. How had the guru even known?

"Severus?" Hermione whispered, his mandala sliding a little from their hands clasped so tightly together. When he opened his eyes, she saw his tears...she'd only seen him like this once before, the night he was supposed to die at the hands of Voldemort. It took her a minute to figure out what he needed, closeness or time to feel whatever he was feeling, so she simply squeezed his hand tighter and waited for him to move. The guru blessed them both by marking their foreheads and then started on the path back down to the ashram, leaving them to their peaceful meditation pose.

"Severus, what just happened?" Hermione asked, still confused by the guru's words.

"He gave offered a blessing and unified our souls, connecting them forever." Hermione did not have time to even break down what he'd said, so she instead focused on what she could comprehend in the moment.

"But, how did you get here?" She asked, still quite confused. She looked around, this temple was so far up, there's no way he could've walked if he had been in his own meditation.

"I don't remember, honestly, but when he gave me your hand, I saw everything." He wiped his eyes with his free hand, then shift so that they could face each other, their hands clasped.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything you saw, the first time, your entire journey. I saw your childhood, your time at Hogwarts, and hunting Horcruxes with Potter and Weasley, being tortured by before I joined the task force when it was just you and Todd in the field, then when Seamus and I joined, all of those moments when it seemed like we might injure ourselse, they way you looked at me, even when you didn't know I was looking straight back, I saw your time in Russia, the abuse, everything. I saw all of your visions, of us together before we were even together, your hopes...it was overwhelming. How can you see that in me?" Hermione had seen Severus vulnerable, but not quite like this. He was shaking slightly, his hands trembling against hers, and what struck her most was his eyes not able to meet hers. He had peered into her brain before and caught some flattering view of himself, but nothing like her soul's longing for him.

"I had no idea he was showing that to you." She whispered, caressing his hands, putting the mandala beads around his neck and then hers around her own. She suddenly felt vulnerable as well, knowing he knew everything, had seen it all. Perhaps, she thought, there was more than Snape had needed to deal with than she thought and that was why the guru had put them together.

"I can you show my own, but you will not want me afterwards, I can assure you." He held her hands tighter than before and with that, Hermione saw it all, his love for Lily Evans Potter, every mission with Voldemort, getting his mark, killing muggles turning away before the Potters were killed, holding Harry safely until Hagrid arrived, admitting everything to Dumbledore, taunting Harry and pumping up Draco, and then years she didn't want to see, as Voldemort came back to power, watching them torture and kill Charity Burbage and others, so many others, until it all swirled so quickly she couldn't make it all out, except she saw nagini and heard his voice telling Harry to take his tears, seeing herself give him the antivenin and trying to heal his wounds, recovery in St. Mungos and years of helpless wandering until she saw their first day together and all their missions in such succession she wanted to cry, and then their burgeoning love, her eyes, her laugh, every entrance into a room where he'd been waiting, his heart weeping as she lay in a bed in St. Mungos, his own vision with the guru: the coldest level of hell where he, Voldemort, and his other supporters remained encased in ice, yearning to break free and this was his vision for years throughout his visits to India and then like her, the study, the steeping tea and a nice book, the same black cat, and then she saw herself, in his eyes, how much he loved her. The connection broke, leaving Hermione speechless. There was so much to process and so little time before she knew Severus would think what he showed her was his undoing. Suddenly she felt water on her chest, it was her tears freely flowing but she didn't remember when they started or if she could stop them any time soon. It was then she noticed the bones in her left hand were smooth, not crooked, the burns on her ankles gone, her toenails completely regrown and that made it all worse; there was no stopping her tears.

She couldn't verbalize everything she was feeling, the joy and sorrow for everything they'd gone through, so she just tugged him closer and embraced him, wiping her eyes with her free hands and wishing she could tell him how much she loved him. They remained like this for many minutes before she finally felt like she could talk.

"You think I wouldn't want you, after all you've seen?" Hermione finally said, processing the events, as though she was seeing them all over again.

"How could you, you've now know the evil things I've done; it isn't just words I'm saying, I have shown you everything."

"And now there are absolutely no secrets between us." Her hands brought his face to hers and they kissed, both of them raw and emotional.

"I never thought someone like you would exist in my life, Hermione. When we worked together, I longed to have you near because you didn't treat me differently or like some bloody hero; but now, this, what if I can't live up to your expectations?" His vulnerability still raw, Hermione didn't quite know how to comfort him, except to offer the last thing she had to give.

"And what if I cannot live up to yours? Perhaps that is why this works, you know, we are flawed and broken people willing to put each other back together. What if it takes a little bit of Severus to make Hermione and vice versa?" She said, putting her hand on his heart, continuing to hold his face with her other hand, rubbing her thumb gently across his stubbly chin.

"Then I'm certainly getting the better bargain here." They stood then, hand in hand, and started down the path. Helen and Jack were waiting for them at the bottom, to invite them to dinner in the village, noting how differently the both looked. During their meal, Hermione could not keep her foot from cradling Snape's, just touching him in some way.

"It'll be hard to go back to work on Monday." Hermione said finishing her chicken curry and jasmine rice.

"At least you still have a couple weeks with Rose and Hugo, they are growing too fast. I remember when Hugo was so tiny I could wear him in that surong. What a glorious time." Helen remarked, eating some naan and handing Jack the coffee, as though she was reading his mind.

"Rose received high enough scores that she'll be continuing in all her subjects, but she still hasn't picked a profession; I have a feeling she's going to surprise me." Hermione's word made Helen and Jack laugh, remembering their own surprising daughter.

"Nothing will be as surprising as receiving a letter from a magical school telling me my daughter is a witch." Jack interjected.

"I suppose if she decided to go to a muggle school, that would do it." Helen added, carrying the conversation since Severus and Hermione were so lost in thought.

They walked back together to collect their things and then walked back down to the village where the train was waiting. Severus transfigured the bed and they held each other tight the entire evening, not saying a word for the entire ride. It would take them time to sort everything they'd gone through, but Hermione had no doubt whatsoever that she wanted Severus in her life until she died, if not longer.


	18. The Nearness of You

**Author's Note: it's only this and an epilogue now. Thank you for reading and reviewing! This is my longest doc this far, but I am working on two more- The Perfect Drug and Somewhere Only We Know.**

 **Chapter 18: The Nearness of You**

September first came quickly and Hermione and the kids had enjoyed a fantastic end to the summer, Ron,Severus and Joanna joined them for their ritual before school started of shopping in Diagon Alley and then eating at their favorite Italian restaurant. This time, Hermione noticed how easily Joanna and Severus fit into their odd family; both brought something that the kids could use; Joanna brought effortless kindness and Severus brought unending devotion. Ron even seemed happier too, as though he'd needed someone like Joanna just as much as Hermione needed someone like Severus. It was a lovely day.

Weeks later, Hermione ended up at St. Mungos to visit Seamus who had broken his foot on a mission. He was in jovial spirits as usual and let Snape work his magic, though he really didn't do as much healing as he brewed potions. It made her happy to watch Snape work.

"I'll see you later, Severus. Stay out of trouble, Seamus." Hermione said, leaving St. Mungos and heading home. The sitting area was a mess and the children's room were pure havoc, so she cleaned everything before Severus stopped by after work. Harlow had still not returned and it troubled Hermione greatly, she'd been such a loyal companion since her first anniversary with Ron. Without trying to, Hermione found herself falling asleep on the settee in the sitting room between the two halves of the house, dreaming peacefully. It wasn't until Snape arrived that she finally woke, her mind thinking it was already morning.

"I have a surprise for you." Hermione rubbed her eyes and saw the tiniest owl in the largest cage she'd ever seen. It was a screech owl, she could tell by the markings.

"Oh Severus, it's lovely."

"He's a boy. I could sense that you were still troubled about Harlow" He added, dropping a few treats into the cage.

"Well he needs to grow a bit, but he's lovely, thank you!" She kissed him sharply and looked closer at her new present.

"We should call him Thaddeus, he looks just like one."She remarked, staring into his sweet, large eyes. He hooted sweetly when she called his new name.

"I thought we could stay at Spinner's End, that way, Thaddeus can see both locations." She nodded and grabbed her bag, and waited as Severus and the new owl used the floo network and she apparated.

"Was he frightened?" Hermione asked as they arrived in Severus' living room, she helped dust he and Thaddeus off before using her wand to turn on the lights.

"No more than was expected." He joked, allowing the tiny owl to fly around the home before giving him a small mouse and letting him out the window.

"You are always so thoughtful. I've never given you anything, really. I still can't find your birthday present, and that's almost been a year."

"You have given me plenty." They kissed quickly and went to the study to catch up on their day over coffee and perhaps to read. She finally met the elusive black cat she'd never seen once except in his vision. Her name was Luna, he quickly said not after Luna Lovegood Scamander.

"I so enjoy being here with you." Hermione said, out of nowhere. She was petting Luna and sipping her tea before they ate dinner. It suddenly hit her that she was tired of saying goodbye to Severus most nights and she didn't want to anymore.

"How would you feel about living together?" She asked, gauging his interest based on the level of his brow, which seemed pretty high at the moment.

"At this house or yours?" He countered.

"Why not both, with the children gone I need not go to Lavender house as often as I normally would, but we'd certainly have more privacy here. We could alternate weeks or something, work out a plan so that Ron and Joanna have time to themselves. At least until Hugo graduates, then we can discuss what we'll do then. "

"That sounds reasonable." He finally replied, tossing a small book her way, some journal of an old wizard.

"I just don't want to say goodbye to you so often." She finally said, setting her tea and Luna aside, crawling onto his lap and leaning her head against his shoulder. There was something so comforting about listening to his heart beat or the steady motion of his breathing.

"I was thinking about this thing with the guru...you said he connected our souls forever, what does that mean besides the literal?" She asked randomly, finding thinking back to August when everything had seemed so chaotic and emotional. Kissing his chin, she played with his necktie and then waited for his reply.

"I don't know exactly, accept that if you are ever in danger, I will be able to find you and vice versa. It's like bonding, I assume." She still wasn't entirely clear on the concept.

"So, like marriage?" Trepidation in her tone, she sat up slightly to be able to face him a bit more.

"Not exactly, but far more like marriage than, say, being related to someone. It's a special kind of magic practiced in the East. We can do more research, if you'd like." Hermione nodded, letting the wheels turn every so quickly in her brain.

"It's just, what if you decide, and I know we've been through this, I'm not questioning your loyalty, but what if you decide not to spend your life with me? Our souls will still be connected?" He shifted his weight, thumbing his brow and alternately looking at Hermione and then his books.

"According to our guru, we aren't going to spend our lives with anyone else, or he wouldn't have performed the magic. Maybe he's a seer? All I know is, since that day, I've never felt more sure about anything or more willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Even if your hair gets caught in my mouth at night and your incessant need to be right clouds your judgement."

"Aren't you cheeky." She playfully slapped his chest and put a finger to his lips. "I love to learn and when something I don't understand arises, I ask questions. That's not going to change, you know, we can go back to India and have the guru undo his Eastern magic if you're so worried about being wrong." He smacked her butt softly and lifted her over his shoulder.

"Perhaps you do need a lesson, witch." She playfully shouted the entire way to the bedroom and continued for entirely different reasons soon after.

Ron seemed to like the new schedule and told Hermione that Joanna would be moving in as well, though Hermione didn't want to think it was only because Severus would be spending alternate weeks at their home. Lavender House was abustle with noise again, though some evenings it was completely silent. Joanna had completely given up her flat, so she was with Ron whenever she wasn't in the field, for Hermione it was nice having another woman in the house to share things with or to talk about her old job.

Rose and Hugo sent letters at least once a month, mostly Hugo's were about something new he learned and Rose's were about looking forward to coming home for Christmas. She wrote them both quick replies and waited for Bertie to have some water and food before sending him off, not quite ready to send Thaddeus on such an adventure just yet. There lives had evolved into something quite domestic since neither she nor Severus were in the field. They both worked a regular shift in the day, mostly Monday through Friday unless there was a major occurrence and Snape was needed for extra brewing, then they retired into the evenings after eating to read or walk, sometimes they ate in the village if they were at Spinner's End, or with Ron and Joanna if they happened to be around as well. Hermione had done some research on the magic of the guru, but hadn't found much about the actual spell he must've used to connect their souls. It reminded her of a horcrux, just not in an evil way, but she didn't know exactly where else to look.

As the weather turned colder, Hermione enjoyed sitting with Severus on the sofa in the sitting room at Lavender House and sipping hot tea together, listening to music or watching some muggle movies, which he'd come to tolerate through his own experience as a child. It didn't take much to make Hermione happy now that she felt so free with him, their worlds so completely connected.

The children came home towards the end of December greeted by their patient, but cold parents at King's Cross. The car was full of stories as they rode back to Lavender House, quidditch and potions, cats, and mandrake root. It all felt familiar and happy. They geared up for Christmas Eve at the Weasleys, with all their Aunts, Uncles, and cousins, everyone in a Weasley sweater, even one for Severus Molly had knitted just in time for the celebration.

"It's itchy." He groused in the foyer of Lavender House as they prepared to apparate. Ron took Hugo and Hermione was taking Rose, the other two adults following. After arriving at The Burrow, which couldn't hold all of the family comfortably, Severus immediately felt out of place. He looked nothing like the bunch in dulcet tones of red and brown, their freckles multiplying by the minute. Once Hermione arrived and sent the kids to the heated tent to play, Severus felt more comfortable. It suddenly felt different to him, to see all of the young people and then to see Molly and Arthur, who were older than him by a few years.

"Happy Christmas, Uncle Severus." Albus said, giving him a cracker and pulling the other end, producing several fine toys and a magnificent crown which Severus felt compelled to wear.

"You too, now see if James likes the magical mouse." Severus teased, enticing Albus to take the mouse to his older brother.

"You aren't stirring the pot, are you?" Hermione asked, bringing him a glass of pumpkin juice, spiked with Arthur's own variety of gin they obviously hadn't known about as kids. Looking around the room, Hermione was incredibly thankful that the Weasley's still accepted her as family, even though she and Ron had divorced. It was the large family she always wanted with little of the stress she used to feel about pleasing them.

"A namesake must be encouraged." He replied, putting his arm around her shoulders and kissing her head. He hadn't known family like this either. From the tent, they both heard Molly call for dinner and followed the crowd outside, the tent cozy and welcoming.

"We are thankful for each of you, being here and celebrating with us. Happy Christmas, now dig in."Arthur said, toasting the massive crowd. The Weasley's could easily have their own quidditch dynasty and then some. Hermione's buttered, pecan yams really hit the spot, Fleur's peach tarts were completely scrumptious, but Molly's hearty beef burgundy made everyone's mouth water. They were all thankful she'd allowed them to contribute a dish as she normally spent two days cooking.

On the return home, they all followed suit taking a child or an adult to Lavender House, everyone trudging up to their bedrooms, Hugo and Rose hugging their parents and Severus and Joanna, which was new for Severus. Once they were out, the four adults put out the tree they'd hid in the backyard and all the presents, special stockings for everyone, and even treats for the owls and Luna when they returned to Spinner's End. Once in their room, Hermione stripped away her Weasley sweater and stockings, feeling just as tired as the kids had. She remembered suddenly where she'd put Snape's birthday present, it was in the fourth shelf of her letter box, transfigured to be invisible. Digging through her letterbox, Hermione finally found it and brought it back to normal size, as Severus showered and changed for bed, his flannel pajamas a plaid of green and black, always a Slytherin.

"I've finally found your birthday present, though it's almost your birthday again. It has two parts, one is sentimental and the other a bit practical." She waited as he opened it, her own anticipation building. The first gift was the blanket from their boat ride on Loch Ness, sentimental and probably a bit school-girlish and the second was really two things, a hand drawn map of MIddle Earth and a set of books in Tolkien's own hand. She remembered once Severus telling her, Seamus, and Todd about his mother reading The Hobbit to him as a kid, the only nice thing she'd done. He didn't say anything at first, only held the books in his hands, looking over them as if they were golden.

"I hope it's been worth the wait." He heard her voice but he was still in awe. He placed the books and blanket back in the cloth back, unable to fathom that she'd given him something he'd wanted for so long.

"How did you know? This was long before we were so connected." His voice trembled, as she cautiously walked over to him, straddling his waist and holding him.

"I already loved you, then, and I knew that if I could give you something like this, it would heal old wounds and create new feelings. Do you like them? And the blanket, you know that's from Loch Ness?" She pulled back slightly, catching his face in her hands.

"You were right, Severus, I did notice, even if I wasn't ready to act on it."

"I have something for you as well." He said, repositioning a bit to open the top flap of his flannel pajamas and producing a ring. "I didn't know if you'd want one, since before your hands were so, well broken, but now I thought it was appropriate. I want to marry you, Hermione, to be sealed not only in Eastern but Western magic. What do you say?" She was dumbfounded and completely shocked, causing her to fall backwards, hitting her head squarely on the edge of her desk, knocking herself out for a moment.

"Hermione, if you wanted to say no you didn't have to go through dramatics." She heard Severus whisper, as he brought her out of her minor head trauma. It took a moment to register what had just happened, had Severus just proposed?

"Of course I want to marry you, Severus." She smiled as he slid the ring on her finger, it was a gorgeous setting of emeralds and a diamond in the middle, something he would definitely pick out.

"I've been carrying that ring around far too long." They held each other as Hermione admired her new ring, snuggled against him as closely as she could.

"Really now?"

"If I could've asked you the day you got out of the hospital, I would've." He replied, kissing her fingers and holding her hand against his chest.

"I would've said yes." He gently carried her to the bath, making sure her brain was completely functioning and helped her into the bath.

"I know you've already showered but you could join me, you know." So Severus removed his clothes and joined his fiancée in the bath, holding her close and washing her hair, enjoying their time before the hectic morning of frenzied unwrapping and scattered breakfast. When they finally made it to bed, Hermione cocooned herself against him, as she normally did, admiring her ring again before closing her yes and pulling his arm across her.

The next morning, just as Snape had predicted there was a frenzy of unwrapping. New scales and a copper pot for Hugo, a new broom for Rose and plenty of gifts from the Grangers. Sheepishly, Hugo brought a present to Snape, oddly wrapped with the word 'Bop' on it.

"Bop?" He questioned, in a playful tone.

"Bonus parent." Hugo replied, as Severus opened his gift, completely satisfied with the nickname Hugo had given him. "I hope you don't mind, I don't like calling you Professor Snape anymore since you love my Mum so much." Snape was surprised to find a collection of recipes modified for restorative potions, something he'd obviously put a lot of research into.

"This is brilliant, Hugo." He exclaimed, giving Hugo a rather tight hug. "And Bop is good, I like Bop." Hugo scampered away, taking gifts to Ron and Joanna, things he'd made while in school that were personal.

"Bop, huh?" Hermione joked, pinching him slightly, catching Rose's eye. Rose noticed the ring but didn't say anything.

"It could be worse."He replied, thinking of all the horrid things students had called him throughout the years. He had never had Christmas quite like this, even when he was at Hogwarts, it was always a nice breakfast and dinner feast, crackers with Albus Dumbledore, but not so much togetherness and certainly not hugs from young people who admired felt like a pretty complete Christmas morning.

It was hours later when Rose finally confronted Hermione about the ring.

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Dad, you know in case you hadn't told him, but that looks like an engagement ring." Hermione smiled at her daughter, appreciating her fortuity and took her aside.

"It is, honey, he asked me last night. I am going to tell Dad later, so thank you for not bringing it up." Rose gave Hermione a tight hug then ran back to the sitting room where Hugo playing exploding snaps with Ron, who was opening Rose's broon servicing kit. It all seemed rather cozy, so Hermione let herself watch them and enjoy, even Severus was talking to Rose about proper broom care.

They ate a late brunch of french toast with raspberries and fresh clotted cream before all scattering about the house, enjoying a quiet day with their gifts and each other. It wasn't until closer to bedtime when Hermione finally found a quiet time with Ron on the portico. Joanna had left to visit her family for dinner, so she was surprised to find Ron on portico by himself.

"Why didn't you go with Joanna?" Hermione asked, pulling her Weasley sweater over her head, the air chilly.

"I think these couple days have been overwhelming for her, a bit heavy. You remember what it was like, there are a lot of us." Hermione nodded, knowing exactly how overwhelming that feeling felt, so many nice and well-meaning people, but for an only child it was a heavy feeling. Of course, over time she came to long for all those people, but be so included in such a happy and large family.

"Congratulations, by the way." He added, his hands warming on the small fire he'd made in the fire pit.

"Thank you, I was coming out here to tell you, actually." She didn't quite know how to act about it, being too mushy about Severus would be unfair to Ron, but acting indifferent just wasn't her.

"I meant what I said before, if he hurts you, I'll kill him."

"Thank you, but you know I'd kill him first." He agreed, his handed pushed together in an awkward mashing, over and over. It bothered her to see him so frustrated.

"I'm sorry about Joanna, she'll come around, I did. She'll come to love them as much as I do and she'll be able to give you so much more than I did."

"Maybe, right now I don't know. It seems madness to be starting over again, thinking about what she might miss out on since our kids are older. I mean, in a year and a half Rose will graduate from Hogwarts, having another kid seems selfish." And that was the crux, Ron was worried about starting over, having another like with Joanna and how that would all mix with his 'first' family.

"But you've always wanted more children; I can't remember a time when you weren't begging me to have more. Joanna will be an excellent mother and you are a great father." He laughed at the oddity of their conversation, his ex-wife comforting him about his current girlfriend.

"Well, we have a year or so before I even want to consider it, Joanna will be finished with her current contract then. I guess we'll see." Hermione was glad he seemed at least hopeful about it, but she still worried Ron would let old arguments and prejudices keep him from being happy with Joanna or any woman for that matter.

"If we could've made it work, I would've done anything, but we couldn't. I really like Joanna and if she is the one you end up with, I will happily welcome her to our family, as you have welcomed Severus." She added, hoping to ease his mind further. Ron didn't say anything, just looked to the stars and sighed deeply. They both looked up as Severus walked onto the portico, bringing them both a cup of mulled mead.

"You looked like you needed something warm." He said handing them each a mug and taking a seat next to Hermione, her arm tenderly resting on his leg.

"So Bop, huh?" Ron said, taking a swig of the mead.

"Hugo's own design." Severus replied, the steam from his mead making his nose tickle.

"Happy Christmas!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed, pulling both their heads under her arms, almost spilling their mead. They had a good laugh before going back inside and letting the fire die. It was the first time in ages Hermione had absolutely no worries or concerns, and the feeling was freeing.


	19. Epilogue

**Thank you so much reviewers and followers! This story has truly been a joy to write and explore. I appreciate all your kind words!**

 **Epilogue: A Promise Kept**

It wasn't Iceland or Scotland where they finally wed, but in Bath in a quiet ceremony with Rose and Hugo in attendance as their witnesses. They kept the event simple and ate a small brunch with the kids before walking back to their vacation home to meet up with Ron and Joanna. When the Weasleys came to go with Ron, Joanna, and the children to Lyme, Severus and Hermione decided to take a few days in the Highlands for a short honeymoon. They made a yearly trip to India to refresh their minds and rejuvenate their souls. In typical fashion, Hermione kept her name and they retained much the same relationship with the homes until Hugo graduated, when Hermione, Ron, Severus, and Joanna sat down to discuss what they should do about Lavender House.

"Rose and Teddy want to get married here, so we'd have to keep it until July at least." Hermione thought out loud, looking around the backyard which stretched for a while, filled with rape seed and lavender. So many of the memories with Rose and Hugo were there, both learning to fly, Hugo even learning to walk; it seemed a waste to sell now when they had so many memories and it wasn't as though the situation between the four adults had changed much, aside from becoming even more comfortable with each other. And it wasn't as though they all saw each other too often, an odd weekend or weeknight found them all in the same area, but often Hermione and Severus used the kitchenette in the morning and sat together in the guest area, or they were at Spinner's End.

"Perhaps we should table this for a year." Ron suggested, seeing the look on Hermione's face.

"Perhaps we should." They all filed back into the house and ate dinner together. She just couldn't sell just yet.

Years later, when Hugo was finished training with Severus to be a healer, his apprenticeship completion celebration brought up the discussion again.

"There's really no reason to keep it now, Hugo has moved out." Ron said, pouring them all wine as they finished cleaning up the party.

"I guess, but what about Thea? She loves the creek and the swingset her Grandpa and Bop built her, it'd be a shame to have to figure out whose house it would go to or how we'd even do Christmas now. Am I crazy?" Severus and Ron nodded adamantly, but couldn't disagree with her words about the house. Thea, Rose and Teddy's daughter wobbled over to them, bringing Severus and Hermione wildflowers. Hermione scooped her up and kissed her sweet cheeks, handing her over to Severus who pulled bits of grass and twigs out of her hair. Thea had really cemented their unique family, loving her odd arrangement of grandparents. Teddy had said once that Severus and Joanna made up for Remus and Tonks in an odd way, since his parents hadn't survived the war.

"What do you think Thea? Do you want us to stay?" Joanna asked as Thea toddled over to her and looked around, most likely confused about the conversation.

"I guess that's a yes." Ron joked as Thea took off towards the field, her dress stuck slightly in her tights and her curly red hair a serious mess.

"Somehow I think your daughter produced a red-haired you." Severus whispered, watching his granddaughter romp around and chase butterflies.

"I wonder what the next one will be like, maybe she will be like Tonks, wouldn't that be fun." Hermione remarked, as Rose walked out onto the portico with baby Helena, her hair a shade of blonde no one expected. Hermione took Helena from Rose and snuggled her close, she loved how sweet they were when they slept, wrapped in soft blankets, and happy to be held. Severus put his arm around her shoulder, watching Rose catch up to Thea who had discovered a thicket of briars.

"We'll have tears in a minute." Severus warned, pointing to Thea.

"Better get your potions, Bop." Hermione replied. Ron pulled out his wand and expelled all the briars from her tiny legs as Severus returned with his kit.

"It hurts, Bop." Thea said in the saddest voice he'd ever heard. He gave her some pepper-up and something else to heal the skin before also giving her a chocolate frog, which she promptly tore into.

"Bop!" She exclaimed, holding up Severus' wizard card from the chocolate frog. She kissed him leaving chocolate residue all over his cheek, and then cuddled against his shoulder, playing with his shirt color.

"It's amazing that she's ever clean." Rose said, sighing, using a spell to clean her up. Staying still for a moment, she started to fall asleep quickly, running her tiny fingers on Severus' collar, over and over.

That night when Rose and the kids left for York, Hermione sprayed Severus' shirt to make sure the chocolate would come out in the wash, then sat down to write Hugo about his new job at an apothecary in Leeds, close enough to Rose they ate dinner several times a week. She felt Severus put his arm around her, kissing her necks as she wrote.

"Thank you." He whispered, kissing her again.

"What for?" She asked, sealing her letter and giving it to Thaddeus.

"If you'd never taken a chance, if you hadn't saved me, I'd never know days like today." His words brought tears to her eyes. She turned to kiss him, to hold him tight.

"I told you they'd love you."

"Right as always." She snickered at him, remembering the night Rose went into labor. Severus has been quite concerned about her healer, some person he had worked with a couple times. But, Hermione could tell it was something else that really bothered him. When she took him to get coffee, he did nothing but fidget, tearing the napkin he was holdings into tiny shreds.

" _Okay, what's going on?" Hermione asked, point blank._

" _Nothing." He replied, continuing to tear the napkin over and over, finally grabbing another._

" _Severus Snape, stop right now." She put her hands on his, forcing him to stop and finally look at her. "Tell what is bothering you so much that you are destroying a napkin." He looked embarrassed, as though what he was about to say made him uncomfortable._

" _Hugo accepted me first, but Rose took longer, years in fact. She may have been kind when we were married, but she would've rather had her parents together. I worry that this birth will take us back steps, I'll have to figure her out again." Hermione sighed, knowing on some level that he had misgivings about baby Lupin and her sweet mother._

" _Are you worried Rose won't let you be a grandfather to her child?" She asked, her hands still on his, his ring tickling the underside of her finger every so often._

" _Yes and I'm worried about being a grandfather at all. My only experience with babies is holding baby Harry Potter and Draco once for a portrait; literally the end of my experience."_

" _I'll show you, I promise. If I can become an adequate parent, you can be a stellar grandfather. Besides, Rose loves you, Severus, in her own way. Hugo and Rose both love you. You're their Bop." His grin made her see he was just worried about something they would ease into over time. No new parent or grandparent knew exactly what to do._

 _When Theodora Jean Lupin was presented to her grandparents, each of them took a turn holding her, her bright red hair the first feature everyone noticed, then her sweet dimples. When Severus held her, Thea opened her eyes, looking at him quizzically before cooing and stretching. He handed her back to Teddy and Rose, beaming first-time parents, and put his arm around Hermione._

She felt him pull her into a standing position, his arms at her waist, swaying with her slightly.

"You're never going to sell this house." He said, his hands clasped tightly around her.

"No, I don't see that happening. What if Hugo gets married and gives us more grandchildren, where would we put them in Spinner's end? No, that's our retreat. Besides, there are too many good memories here, I'd hate to leave."

"You think Rose will stop with Thea and Helena?" Severus asked, twirling her a bit more, loving the way the light made her hair glow.

"No, I think she wants a son. I hope she doesn't go the route of her great grandmother have have six girls before a boy comes, or worse." They both laughed, imagining Rose with seven children.

"We would never sleep." He added.

"But we'd laugh a lot." He caught her in a kiss then, holding her tight, and wishing everyday could be like that day, filled with happiness and laughter, nothing false or contrived.

"I owe Seamus 10 galleons and he won't stop writing me." Hermione said as Thaddeus waited to take letters to Seamus and Hugo.

"Whatever for?"

"He bet me we'd bet married in Scotland, in some feckin' Scottish moor, were his actual words and I said Iceland, but since we didn't, he says he is owed half. Logically, I told him he would own me 10 galleons as well, and that he should just keep his, but he sent it to me and now he keeps demanding 10 galleons. I think he's just enjoying annoying me, more than anything."

"Well he did always love that." She have Thaddeus the letters and returned to her husband, hair growing grayer by the years, but his face softening somehow. They retreated to bed, curling up with a book before turning out the lights. As he almost always did, Severus pretended to read his own book, but really read hers over her shoulder and tutted anytime she got too far ahead of him.

"You know I love you, but if you don't read your own book I will hex you." She threatened in response to his tutting. He closed her book and his, catching her in a soft kiss and snuggled her close to him.

"I'll just have to hold you then, forever."

"Do you promise?" He acquiesced with a kiss, turning the lights out with the flick of his wand, refusing to let Hermione turn away. He took her left hand in his and that spark, the same one she had felt in India all those years ago, ran through her, reminding her how much she loved him and how far they'd come since.


End file.
